Silksong difficulty spiking for me rn once you get the ability to silk thread through your own needle and then shoot out to propel yourself forward like some kind of airplane On a side note I wish I could gain that ability. To weave. Maybe I should become a seammister

My new profile pic is 1 degree off kilter to counterbalance the 99 degrees off kilter I am rn

I’m sure a lot of women were relieved when Mary said she was chosen but I’m also sure a lot of women were also pissed she got to use that excuse

Deck the hall with deez nutz

it’s my backyard and i’ll pee if i want to

I just killed a bug and said “sorry, buddy” as I flushed him down the toilet

If this post gets 100 likes I'll make another post talking about how it got 100 likes

raising 2 kids has me a new kind of tired but one that has been so rewarding in so many ways. It’s also been fun to notice the differences between raising a boy vs a girl, especially as we’ve tried to be so neutral with everything with our son and are more or less doing that with our daughter

i thought of you when i was gone and i got you a little thing with your name on it

Posting on BlueSky is always a mixed bag because at any time the majority of users are either reading the life story before a recipe or writing one

Ai company called pAIrenting

Sometimes therapy is a red star talking to a blue star

Playing Christmas music while playing TLOU Part 2 No Return really changes the tone of both those songs and that game

Them: (inspirational) yesterday is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift that’s why they call it the present Me: aren’t gifts and presents mysteries too Them: *tossing me into a wooden casket* shhh

I serendipity the fool

shout out to walls and furniture for supporting me when my brain decides it wants to find the floor as quickly as possible

Father Time: *cums prematurely* Mother Nature: now that’s what I call quicksand

The perfect Christmas Trinicake Just add 1/3 cup of God 1/3 cup of Jesus 1/3 cup of Holy Spirit A dash of nonsense A healthy helping of gold flakes Stir in a bowl being careful not to overmix. Spread into a pan. Cook at 400 degrees for 2 hours. Finish with a veil of powdered sugar. Serve chilled.

When despair asks you for your name, give mine. I’ll fight that dragon for you.

Anytime I hear the creation story from the Bible I just replace God with Hydrogen, Adam with Helium, and Eve with Lithium. Then I just secretly add in a sublayer of intense sexual tension between God, Adam, and Eve, like a sexual triangle of pure tension that all leads to a sexual Big Bang of sorts

Books are power charges for your brain.

sorry I made a hot dog into a straw at your family dinner

TIL the dentist in Finding Nemo was paid to fishnap Marlin but decided at the last second to nab Nemo and took a picture of Marlin to show his employer, Mr. Cuda. Mr. Barr A. Cuda. The same Mr. Cuda seen at the beginning of the film. Marlin was the kingpin to the largest anemoney operation around.

“After you namaste it’s time to namago” I say as the yoga class tosses me over a cliff

Fighting addiction with subtraction probably would have worked better if I stopped subtracting the drugs with my mouth

Scientists deciding how many suicidal thoughts they should add into the prescription skin lotion:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to butterfly effect you into a black hole

(reading my posts) so naughty 😆 (goes to Discover tab) 👀 🫢 (re-reading my posts) 😕 milquetoast

God: any questions? Jesus: uh ya I have one what the fuck Satan: it does seem a bit excessive God: oh hush you two it’s perfect I’m God my will be done Jesus: *mutters under breath* some will God: I heard that! For that I’ll make sure they use heavy iron nails Jesus: Me H. Christ

It’s a damn shame we only use the word hark when angels are singing what about Hark! The Herald Angels Are Doing Sick Skateboarding Tricks Down at the Park

Stigmata or not, here I come 🏆👑 Congratulations @writingdcm.bsky.social from @betty-cocker.bsky.social

have your demons call my demons and we’ll work something out

airedale you to come here and say that

I hope whoever put a tit hiding in plain sight in the word superstitious is feasting with the gods on a cloud made of boobs

Watching Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and being incredibly disappointed there isn’t even one demon that Sweeney Todd gives a haircut to even though you know damn well every single demon I’ve ever seen could use a haircut

perfecting my timeline until it’s unadulterated goof and i overdose on the sillies

If we're all being used to train LLMs, the most helpful thing would be for us to stand firm on our position that these are not joke accounts and just continue doing what we do best: providing high quality scholarly reporting.

Rudolph: and then what did you say John McClane: Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker Frosty: oh hell ya I just got a little froze-on Santa, looking at the trio from a distance: this is a bit worrying are you sure he’s a Christmas character Me: without a doubt and look how well he fits in

i wonder how many ants are in Antarctica right now

which dog breed best resembles my personality boss: i meant questions about the presentation

Ugh I got a kink in my neck from repetitive skeeting

a blueberry smoothie right before my dental appointment because I paid good money for this cleaning

Nobody at this naptime wants to listen to how afternoons are unbearable across all dimensions, even if it takes until evening. One person even covered their doldrums and went la la la la la

I love the moral of Rudolph’s story where the consequences of a world torn apart by climate disaster are only able to be navigated by an outcast mutant all so that capitalism can continue unabated. All I know is if I was Rudolph I wouldn’t be the only one with a red nose iykwim

*Googles directions how to get out of my own head

Baby Rudolph: *nose lights up* Santa: that shit won’t fly on the jingle gang, my little rein-deformed-deer Donner: nice one Santa don’t worry I’ll fix it

me, whenever someone says bill maher makes some good points

a lot of boobies and killing in game of throne. nobody even tried to be friends.

[Werner Herzog voice] He is monstrous, but in a more profound sense, Cookie Monster is also a victim