Train your eyes to see beyond. #7syllablesentence #train

Brb creating a new branch of humanities called humanaughties

Words Drip, Drip, Dripping down from The Inky Void Spilling onto the Canvas of Death Revealing Rejuvenation Reincarnation A tiny island Surrounded by Creation Incarnate Inspiring gods Banishing demons A yellow brick road Out of Nothingness Sweet Mother Nursed, Nurtured Two hearts beat as one ~Union~

Theater etiquette question: how much “wooing” is too much? Is there an amount or is that silly to ask

*shows up to a Pilates class* Me: Hello, Pilatay people! *A thousand springs all groan in unison*

Good morning, good eggs! 🥚 🌞 ☕️ I hope you all have an enjoyable day. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Why? B/c the candy will be marked down & I’m that misfit person who ♥️s licorice. Hehe. 😜 It’s a treat I look forward to every year! Okay, love to all of you. ♥️ 🎶 Love Island - Fat Boy Slim 🎶

Which lucky niece or nephew will find the one egg full of Uncle [Sic]’s expired meds this year

How is this app since the change in leadership? Any better?

He has risen! He’s still rising! He’s in outer space! He just high fived the astronauts on Artemis II!

Nothing quite like spending Easter Sunday getting higher than Jesus, just as He intended

who up experiencing spaghettification

Have you ever had your subconscious hijack a wandering thought and use it to start a conversation with your conscious? It is very wild

they say “between the anus and genitals” way too many times in the jardiance commercial

i wanna see the CEO of Captain Crunch Berries eat a spoonful of Captain Crunch Berries without wincing

what would you do for a slightly used klondike bar

SHOULD THE U.S BLOT OUT THE SUN AND USHER IN AN AGE OF ETERNAL DARKNESS? - Gallup 2/20/26-3/5/26 NO - 41% YES - 38% UNSURE - 21%

Sometimes you’re the black hole and sometimes you’re the thing hurtling uncontrollably towards it

The craziest thing about taking breaks from social media is coming back on to a world that is very different. The months often feel like years.

The year is 2027. I’m watching college basketball. It’s a close game. That doesn’t matter. I’ve got $5,000 running on what happens on the next play The game doesn’t matter. Just this play. The player who has the ball is a stakes owner in the gambling service I’m using. Life is weird.

<what feels like weeks later to *everything ever*> So being a stay at home dad of two kids is slightly different (i.e. busier and more demanding) than being a stay at home dad of one kid, but the reward of seeing both of them smile so msg times is just permanently etched in my mind. Best job ever.

Silksong difficulty spiking for me rn once you get the ability to silk thread through your own needle and then shoot out to propel yourself forward like some kind of airplane On a side note I wish I could gain that ability. To weave. Maybe I should become a seammister

My new profile pic is 1 degree off kilter to counterbalance the 99 degrees off kilter I am rn

I’m sure a lot of women were relieved when Mary said she was chosen but I’m also sure a lot of women were also pissed she got to use that excuse

Deck the hall with deez nutz

it’s my backyard and i’ll pee if i want to

I just killed a bug and said “sorry, buddy” as I flushed him down the toilet

If this post gets 100 likes I'll make another post talking about how it got 100 likes

raising 2 kids has me a new kind of tired but one that has been so rewarding in so many ways. It’s also been fun to notice the differences between raising a boy vs a girl, especially as we’ve tried to be so neutral with everything with our son and are more or less doing that with our daughter

i thought of you when i was gone and i got you a little thing with your name on it

Posting on BlueSky is always a mixed bag because at any time the majority of users are either reading the life story before a recipe or writing one

Ai company called pAIrenting

Sometimes therapy is a red star talking to a blue star

Playing Christmas music while playing TLOU Part 2 No Return really changes the tone of both those songs and that game

Them: (inspirational) yesterday is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift that’s why they call it the present Me: aren’t gifts and presents mysteries too Them: *tossing me into a wooden casket* shhh

I serendipity the fool

shout out to walls and furniture for supporting me when my brain decides it wants to find the floor as quickly as possible

Father Time: *cums prematurely* Mother Nature: now that’s what I call quicksand

The perfect Christmas Trinicake Just add 1/3 cup of God 1/3 cup of Jesus 1/3 cup of Holy Spirit A dash of nonsense A healthy helping of gold flakes Stir in a bowl being careful not to overmix. Spread into a pan. Cook at 400 degrees for 2 hours. Finish with a veil of powdered sugar. Serve chilled.

When despair asks you for your name, give mine. I’ll fight that dragon for you.

Anytime I hear the creation story from the Bible I just replace God with Hydrogen, Adam with Helium, and Eve with Lithium. Then I just secretly add in a sublayer of intense sexual tension between God, Adam, and Eve, like a sexual triangle of pure tension that all leads to a sexual Big Bang of sorts

Books are power charges for your brain.

sorry I made a hot dog into a straw at your family dinner

TIL the dentist in Finding Nemo was paid to fishnap Marlin but decided at the last second to nab Nemo and took a picture of Marlin to show his employer, Mr. Cuda. Mr. Barr A. Cuda. The same Mr. Cuda seen at the beginning of the film. Marlin was the kingpin to the largest anemoney operation around.

“After you namaste it’s time to namago” I say as the yoga class tosses me over a cliff

Fighting addiction with subtraction probably would have worked better if I stopped subtracting the drugs with my mouth

Scientists deciding how many suicidal thoughts they should add into the prescription skin lotion:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to butterfly effect you into a black hole

(reading my posts) so naughty 😆 (goes to Discover tab) 👀 🫢 (re-reading my posts) 😕 milquetoast