"should we really resort to playing dirty to defeat the nazis i–" yes. kick em in the fucking balls. what kind of question is that. grow the fuck up

we all know I have no life, so:

Getting a call from an unlisted number, the voice on the other end requests that I be more normal. They robot being trained on my data is coming out all fucked up

/4 7. Mr. Patel does not brag he “vomited onto each branch of government plus the Post Office.” The Post Office is currently a part of the Executive Branch. 8. Mr. Patel has never sent a “dick pic” to Rep. Steny Hoyer while seeking actionable intelligence from an adult actress named Stacy.

this is why Dems need to go as hard as possible on reforms and actually fixing things rather than kick the can, because "people will remember how bad things were and not put these folks back in charge" is a demonstrably false statement

When a cat is sleepin' real hard and you pet her and she makes a little "activation noise" rt if you agree

One my favorite commercials of all time was the Jack in the Box all men focus group that wanted to do away with buns completely on their Ultimate Cheeseburger. Jack bursts into the room and screams “without the bun, you’ll get meat and cheese all over your hands!” Classic.

From “The Simpsons” house genius John Swartzwelder, interviewed in The New Yorker by Mike Sacks

Without stating your age, post your favorite film released the year you turned 18.

(This is not original thinking on my part, lol) angryflower.com/1041.html

ppl think Spider-Man is an animal who fights other animals, right, or a science who fights other sciences? No. Spider-Man’s core character story engine is “dork-ass kid fights versions of his future.” This is why Spider-Man is the apotheosis of the superhero concept. He’s “you vs your sellout dad.”

Every superhero is a metaphor that fights other metaphors of the same clade The Flash is a physics, who fights other physics (mirrors, aerodynamics, cold). Superman is a god, who fights other gods. That’s so good, but Batman is a fear who fights other fears. That’s always the easiest match to sell.

I never finished Zelda 2: Adventure of Link because going through a cave to the final palace, a giant slime dropped on me. I screamed, killed it, turned off the game and never returned.

Freshman in college, so kid is debatable. System Shock 2 soon after seeing Event Horizon the ghosts (psychic echoes of the dead crew? Idk) were really creeping me out. Exited out and never returned.

Suck it in suck it in suck it in/if you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn/Make a desperate move or else you'll win/and then begin to see what you're doing to me/This MTV is not for free

samuel beckett was born on this day 120 years ago. astonishing to think that if he had survived, and could run 100m in 9.57 seconds, he would be not only the oldest but also the fastest man in the world - together with his nobel prize for literature, an astonishing trifecta

this woman is holding onto battlegrounds that have long since grown into pastures.

30 years ago today, Principal Skinner purchased fast food to disguise as his own cooking at an unforgettable luncheon with Superintendent Chalmers. #TheSimpsons episode “22 Short Films About Springfield” first aired April 14, 1996.

A #DrawSteel commission I did for MCDM in which we applied each of the 21 kits to their iconic Wode Elf Shadow, Gwyllith.

Post an image from a game you played as a teenager: Ah, Titan. Move around the board, recruiting monsters to recruit bigger monsters. Transport to a hex map for battle. Get wiped out in round 3 and watch everyone else have fun for 3-5 hours.

It’s pretty fucked up that the Nintendo Switch gave all the old games a rewind feature so people can just do that every time they mess up instead of doing what we did which is stop enjoying the game

TTRPG discourse is like: "Sell me on Apocalypse World. I hate it. Partly because the people I play with don't actually play according to the rules and I think that's the game's fault. Also, I've made up a thing about it I don't like. Also, my friends don't like acts of collaborative creativity."

Yes, the Grink was there. I'm getting to that. He was on that island with me. And I wouldn't be alive to tell my story without him.

Seeing the "Daaamn. That answer could use some work" picture and getting all excited as you scroll down to read some dogshit

Most Spider-man fans have wondered about this one at some point, so here's the answer. Why DOES the Green Goblin throw pumpkins? If he held onto them, he'd blow himself up.

Howard: finally, us fellas can enjoy a nice fantasy romp without any of them girls around to ruin it King: yeah! just us guys Mary Shelley: sup fuckers King: Poe: Lovecraft: Barker: Koontz: Shelley: what's going on here King: Poe: Lovecraft: Barker: Koontz: Shelley: someone wanna explain this

after a quick review of my timeline i feel the need to point to the sign

One of the very best from Clickhole

Big mood

calling it

Depluralize a movie: Return of a Jedi

if you don't know Kevin O'Leary's actual business history, it is honestly kind of amazing he's rich. In order: 1. he starts Softkey and manages to cut a deal with printer manufacturers to have his mediocre software be the thing that gets bundled with printer sales. This gets him a lot of money

Editor: You get those new scripts for G.I.Joe: A Real American Hero? Larry Hama: Sure did boss, real fuckin neo-marxist just like you asked. Editor: what

Heard through the ceiling of my apartment tonight: (cat wailing) Person: No!! (cat wails some more) Person: You do not want that! Spit it out! (even louder wailing) Person: That is a potato! You are an obligate carnivore!! #ahcats #lifeinapartments

Cribbed from my friend, @aahabershaw.bsky.social:

There’s one job you get to do as a married couple and that’s solving crimes across the country that happen when you’re in kooky small towns, that’s fuckin it!

Me: Why is the GM muttering the PC's names while rolling dice? #TTRPG

I figure a lot of my followers also follow Dan Ford, but if you don't: The Warden: bi-disaster city girl necromancer sent to the ass end of the empire for post-grad work, finds shenanigans. Paladin: God wakes up, appoints 5 champions, granting each different gifts. Good takes from a paladin main

A tweet that runs through my head at least once a month.

Sunday Peanuts by Schulz: Sunday, April 16, 1961

Another favorite that I almost never pass without cackling

Genuinely think it’s tough to beat this one

two of the hardest things ever written are "face god and walk backwards into hell" and "you cannot kill me in a way that matters" one of them came from a tumblr shitpost and the other one came from a dril tweet about hollering at zoo animals the internet truly is a magical place

Oh no wait actually it’s

It was deleted but I found it somewhere and saved it because I think about it any time I see him now.

Cat stole garlic bread for me.

My friend just said "Shorter Sotomayor: 'Daniel Webster called you a fucking idiot. Thoughts?'" That's the best description available for what's happening here. :)

Tenets of a horror game: - The world is like our own, but a few twisted rules create dreadful contrast. - You must learn these rules to survive. - An enemy is chasing you. It can't be killed, only outrun. - If you get away, the game will contrive to have it catch up. Therefore Mario Kart is horror.