Not one of my kid's friends knows that there was a penguin called Chilly Willy. I don't even know what they're supposedly teaching them at FanDuel Charter.

Same vibes

(Dude suddenly stops pushing his broom across the floor of the Death Star) Does this look like a big laser to anyone else

Drop an alien that’s not from Star Wars or Trek

seems like military folks already aren't thrilled about ICE wearing camouflage and causing the confusion to begin with. "Why should I change? He's the one that sucks"

Tell your pets name in a gif

HAAAAHAHAHAHAHHH HAHAHA HAHAHA HH HA HHHAAA HAHAHAHA HHHHA HA HA HHHAHA Let’s take a look at some highlights from the game thread (and beyond) over on /r/Texans

Fuck the Texans 🤣

13 wins for the first time since 1999. If you saw that season, we’ve seen some shit, friends.

Hat and T-Shirt locker room for #Jaguars

The Titans will be 12-43 since this tweet

*Sully Sullenberger starts sweating*

no, that was pre Twitter migration, we don’t call them skeets now. style guide says they’re called ejaculating into a spoon. so for example you don’t say “did you see that guy’s skeet” you say “did you see where that guy ejaculated into a spoon on Bluesky”

I should draw more seagulls

Fuck the Titans

flustered mom calling sauron after she thinks there's been a break in, they send down a faceless cenobite-mouthed prick to explain that the boss is busy

Can we go ahead and outlaw the phrase “playing with house money” when talking Jags postseason? We aren’t lucky to be here. It wasn’t a fluke. We’ve earned this.

It’s been 20 years since the Jags won 12 games in the regular season. And this man somehow won’t win COTY

Pop tarts bowl exec: thrilled for this new partnership, love the energy of college football, we barely have to even try to sell it, much less tap into the dark ancient primordial human need to kill in order to glorify the merciless gods One guy on the marketing team: actually

Jaguar Attacking A Horse - Henri Rousseau, 1910

[doing backing vocals for Sam Cooke] Science Book

Fuck the Colts

Not to be controversial but I think we should use tools and resources to make people's lives less miserable instead of more

This hostage situation seems pretty scary but Harry Ellis has done some coke and has some pretty exciting ideas about how we can work this out

You will be visited by three spirits

If Vince Guaraldi had known the actual A Charlie Brown Christmas assignment: "Compose iconic score that people will love forever," he could have been intimidated. Instead, "Write music for weird show CBS might not even air" probably freed him up to do his best work.

Report: Nation's Wealthy Cruelly Deprived Of True Meaning Of Christmas

"Let’s get one thing clear, Santa: I ain’t a scab. The collective bargaining agreement clearly mandates the sleigh be led by a union-approved eight-reindeer team. Your little 'won’t you guide my sleigh tonight' routine is a bald attempt to dilute the team’s negotiating power."

NETFLIX and the NFL today:

"You there, boy! [slurpy inhale sound] What day is it?"

Santa riding off into the sky above your suburban home, outlined by the moon, turns his merry face to you and with a twinkling eye shouts “like and subscribe!”

✅ Clinched Playoffs

I’m sort of jealous of everyone waking up to the news that the Jaguars have clinched the playoffs. Mostly because I lost 2h sleep waiting for that abomination of a game to finish but whatever

Rivers probably asked the Colts to wear the black jerseys. They’re slimming. As a dad I get it.

🙏🏻🙏🏻

I’m still just taking this all in. The last time the Jaguars had 11 regular season wins, none of my children were alive. 18 seasons, y’all. It’s insane.

Jags averaging 34 ppg over the last 5 games. Trevor is feeling himself

electric sound bite from Travon Walker

If writing off our key players is the key to activating them, I’m going to start preemptively writing off every FA signing and draft pick out the gate because god DAMN