Looking forward to all the hacky headlines tomorrow that will say things like “Jimmy Kimmel CLAPS BACK at Brendan Carr/BLASTS Sinclair & Nexstar/SLAMS Donald Trump/ran OUT OF TIME for Matt Damon”

clearly Canada has not taught its fellow UN member nations how to boo a commissioner properly

“Take charge and just let me be a girl” 🚩 🚩

He sounds 3/4s dead in the one clip I saw.

Elizabeth McGovern’s first post-Downton-finale role is portraying Ava Gardner in a play that opens tomorrow in my neighborhood.

At least my headache is down to a dull one, so I can at least do laundry. “Mid” adult indeed.

When I think about empathy and the other qualities needed to host a positive broadcast on autism, the very first name that pops into my mind is Mr. Sexual Assault with a Loofah.

News Nation is running an autism special hosted by Bill “Fuck it, we’ll do it live” O’Reilly. Get me off this fucking planet NOW.

Before anyone gets uppity, this is not disparaging on the people or voters of Florida of any stripe. Its pointing out that national public health depends on a lowest common denominator of behavior as long as we maintain open borders between states (which we should)

A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs": Step 1 Step 6 Step 8, 9, 10, 11.

Ok but saying this today of all days is funny as fuck

At least they didn’t insult my intelligence by including a profile pic.

* Needham thinks Disney should shutter ABC Network following the Jimmy Kimmel controversy [Not sell. Shutter.] $DIS @mikezaccardi.bsky.social

Everyone: “LSU-Ole Miss, Alabama-Georgia, Oregon-Penn State what a Saturday of college football!” Me: This is UCLA’s last chance to win a game this season and it’s at the lake stadium

She’s gonna go home and flip through the liner notes of her Oingo Boingo records trying to figure out which one he is

Gomez Addams University of Yearning

Adobe’s A.I. ad … with a jingle … will soon match the ARPing and ICE recruitment ads in terms of making me ragey.

The grift rolls on.

One more brain complaint … right before I woke up at 4:30 with a headache, I had a dream where I was driving. You of all things should know that I don’t even want to drive when I’m awake. Please direct that dream energy to things I’m currently not doing but actually want to.

Judging by my commute this morning, the rapture is delayed

Customer: MY NAME DMV: SIMILAR TO ARSE, ANOTHER WORD FOR ASS Verdict: DENIED

lol, shut up google, I don't have a problem, YOU have a problem

Thank you. Since this is going to be a slow day, I’ll play around a bit.

I legit kinda want to get this

if Billy Napier gets raptured we don’t have to pay the buyout

I'm telling you that that world doesn't exist. Either we're all safe, or none of us are safe. Kimmel and Colbert and jokes cannot save you from what's coming. You need the people that you won't fight for, to fight for you. But one-way solidarity ain't it.

Happy Autumnal Equinox. Happy Chicagohenge. Today, we move into another season of the year.

Does it have lights for Night Ham?

joining the war on autism on the side of autism

Marking myself as “safe from Cigarette Smoking Man (Chicago, derogatory)” this morning

I worry about my niece potentially being autistic not because of autism itself but because of a society that has shown little interest in valuing autistic lives and providing them with any support.

Already have seen stuff about people wanting more smoking in public. Motherfuckers, cigarette smoke is one of my biggest migraine triggers. I will cut you if you even try.

When I already took the trash out and did the grocery shopping and my wife asks me to go back out because we're out of dog food

Fun to wake up at 4:30 with a headache after struggling to sleep with a bad migraine on Sunday. 5-star brain.

Have they asked Amon-Ra St. Brown what he thought of the ten Hag era at Leverkusen

I know everything and everyone annoys me right now, but iOS 26 annoys the fuck out of me.

The only good thing about that sentence is that it indicates there might actually be a someone for everyone.

good. more people should know who they are; they're worse than the Murdochs, and they've been fucking up local news stations by gobbling them all up.

Good name alert

Not doing this even if it would make me feel better (possibly)

I worry about my niece potentially being autistic not because of autism itself but because of a society that has shown little interest in valuing autistic lives and providing them with any support.

It’s only 8:30. I probably should just call it a night even though there’s no way in hell I fall asleep.

You can’t fix autism because autistic people are not broken.

He should send a donation for $0.02 and then speak his mind.

Notice how Trump just blamed women for Autism?

executive order banning former Cowboys quarterbacks from becoming broadcasters executive order nationalizing Heinz ketchup and banning all other forms executive order requiring concert venues to publish set times no later than 2 hours before doors open

Not sure if @edsbs.bsky.social meant for this tweet to become official US policy but uhhh