I have run out of indicas This is a danktastrophe

Wonka today: Slugworth asks around the school and identifies Charlie as the biggest cuck. At the factory he is dosed with LSD and let loose to be hunted by the shitbird kids, who are then pitted against one another. Wonkavator takes last one standing to Epstein Island instead.

Consent is key

that's the fun part, right, the GOP has for a long time just wrecked everything while in power, and spent their time out of power criticizing people trying to fix what they broke. this is the worst version of it so far. if they lose power imagine how insufferable they'll be, blaming everyone else.

what my body wants: me to drink my weight in liquids and electrolytes, turn the screens back off for awhile, and get some activity in so i can sleep tonight what my brain wants: me to figure out what "milli vanilli concert" even means in 2026

As an anthropologist, I endorse this message!

Republicans rape and traffic children, peddle snake oil, run concentration camps, loot the treasury and Talarico is weird because he eats vegetables.

Fun fact: people aren’t more divided now because of a lack of exposure to other people‘s opinions. Studies strongly suggest we’re more divided because we are CONSTANTLY exposed to the unfiltered opinions of other people, and now we know what they truly are and what they truly want.

In Idiocracy, President Camacho recognized the value of intelligence and wanted to save the world. Please stop comparing this to Idiocracy.

I think I have a brain bleed now

Proud of myself for sticking to the budget at the grocery 😗💨 Kicking myself for sticking to the budget at the grocery

That weird feeling when you realize the weird smell in your car is not something you ran over—it's just you.

Conservatives when they see a pedophile on the ballot

Taking John Waters home to fuck and he's hesitating a reeaalll long time staring at my bookcase full of only Nickelodeon magazines

One thing I love about my lifetime is "your butt looks big in that" went from a diss to a compliment

gambling ads

Every time I see a Cecil B. DeMented cast member in anything I get flashbacks youtu.be/OADHSGd_m80

Thanks, Vonnegut. 💜

Computer Hitler: I started out making art but they called it slop

The lesson to take from Daewoo is that your product can get by being ugly or shoddy but not both.

Don't ask how long I put off putting the clean sheets on, only whether they are on as of writing.

happy memorial day

Harris was the best offer of two and that's why I voted to take it. Whether it would have stopped the next Republican from finishing what Reagan started? Especially if Karl Rove hung around? Eh. What remains certain is that they're not stopping 'til they're stopped.

'80s game show question: "Did I just watch a closeted gay man get congratulated on his win by his mail-order bride"

Right now my type is sturdy dude who can do that arms-only wheel spin

Me as host: "You know the drill, Greg, if doesn't have a car it's probably yours, so pay attention."

Fetterman's "I had a stroke" reads a lot like Spacey's "I'm gay"

oh man I can’t believe the Enhanced Games are actually happening lol. wow I wonder who would win between an insane person who has dedicated their entire adult life relentlessly training to become the most perfect athlete for their chosen sport and a guy who wanted to skip that part

Regular people get "hooked on pills" while Trump turds suffer "medication injuries"

the only "bsky is a bubble" take you will ever need

I can best explain how I feel about X Hanger-On Du Jour like this: Nazis moved in with him and his grandma. Present day, Grandma is in the freezer while he cashes her benefits. They've moved in Adolf Hitler and dressed him like Grandma. Why'd you stop visiting? Because you're crazy and hate Grandma?

“a little nazi shit doesn’t bother me” my brother perhaps repeat that in front of a mirror

apropos of nothing, “if you tune your algorithm right you barely see nazi shit” is proof positive of a brain so cooked by twitter as to have completely lost the plot

Chevy Spectrum. Great mechanically and great gas mileage but don't get in a crash.

The thing about “Bluesky is a bubble” takes is that they start with the false assumption that social media is our job or some sort of responsibility. This isn’t my job. It’s probably not yours, either. It’s not our responsibility to ruin our days on a Nazi hellsite or to talk to dummies here.

Oof. Being a contestant that was Barker's type wasn't easy either.

'80s TPIR gives away a Toyota pickup. Daddy approves.

"HNNNNGH! UUUNNGHH! Forgive me mommy! UGHHHH!" --the President

everyone needs to humble thyselves

If Musk isn't paying the bubble complainers they are working for free.

My desire was to be on an app that I enjoyed using that didn't bombard me with nazi propaganda. That's it. Quit telling me I'm the problem.

Classic Concentration had the same problem as TPIR in the '80s, helping AMC and Renault dump their scrap metal into a nation's garages

If I’m not evolved enough to understand it, then why did they have to steal my writing to train it?

He'd be strongarming everybody into working around the wedding if he wanted to go.

I miss a lot of things from the 20th century. Heavy-ass TVs I do not.

When a Papa John's commercial comes on I crave pizza from one of their competitors.

That thing where you are sure that at least one of the screaming-while-on-fire voice actors in this video game drew inspiration from Great Gig in the Sky

@mayor.nyc.gov: “I have thought often of the "Margeret Thatcher quote: ‘the problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.’ If anything, my friends, it seems that you eventually need a socialist to clean up the mess."

Did a bank teller invent the Fleshlight?

Boooooo yaaaaaaaaa