It's not really Monday morning unless you're using your phone flashlight in a crawlspace and find a trail of blood and realize it's coming from your own hand

I don't understand how THEY don't understand that releasing heavily redacted important information on Friday automatically makes it sketchy. It's Releasing Incriminating Files 101. They teach you this in Covering Up Incriminating Files School.

I'm so proud of the @topa.to team and grateful for the work they do! @vajayjayabrams.bsky.social @tomselleck69.bsky.social @squeatly.bsky.social Keane who is not on Bluesky. And everyone who pops in to help! Nicole, Jenezy, Jasper, Groundhog Dug. Thanks for making sure it all still works right!

That’s a "WRAP"! Thank you to everyone who ordered from us this season, and remember we’ll always be here any time of the year :) May your holidays be awesomesauce and filled with epicness, Love, 𝙏ℴ𝔭𝖆𝐭ℴ 𝑃ℴ𝐭𝖆𝐭ℴ (and the rest of us, too!!!)

'I'll be back!" Shrieked The Terminator, his nude muscles glistening in the moonlight. "You can bet your bottom dollar." Then he scurried away, robotically.

I mean, I did too but I'm not sending a bunch of people unsolicited emails about it.

There are two types of people, those who like it hot but can't tell how hot til they try, and those who like it hot so they turn up the heat til they fry. So basically there is one kind of person and they're burnt to a crisp!

placeholder art is supposed to look like this. you're supposed to make it in 5 seconds. it's a crucial part of the process because a placeholder will often be remarkably similar to the final art/text, because you were unburdened by bigger details when you made it.

Are landlords supposed to do this? It seems creepy and weird, right?

Love to have Video Game Night that mostly involves waiting for Game Updates to download

"That's enough internet for today," he mutters again for the third time in a 15 minute period.

PAFF STICKS! I mean uh, STAFF PICKS! There are so, so many items on our website but here are just a few that we at the warehouse really love! Check them out.... if you dare.... 😈 topatoco.com/collections/...

Not only is everybody working for the weekend, they're also going off the deep end. An entire working class, unfulfilled, all on the brink of insanity. The only surprising thing is the infrequency of events like the Mangione assassination.

Once again the award for Coolest Generation goes to Gen X.

I like my women how I like my orchestral manoeuvres... in the dark.

Cause of death: 15 minute beginner kettlebell workout

I like my women how I like my roasts: Epic and vulgar

Hark! the herald angels sing, "Bring this baby goop and bling"

I have been looking for something small and expensive in my house for over an hour and with each passing second my hatred for every dumb little bullshit object I don't even know why I still have burns with the intensity of a million suns

Unto us a king is born

These zines make you THINK, but in a good way.

I'm not crying, you're crying. Huh? Oh wait, no, you're right. I'm crying. Like, a lot. Super awkward

More like E.T. the Easy Target, right boys? *Gun turns into a walkie talkie*

We're expecting about 5 inches of snow here at Topato Château so we're having a snow day today! We'll be back to send out your packages tomorrow 🥰💛

You can't just "extend" Cyber Monday like that, like you're some sort of god. There are rules in society. Or at least, there used to be. It's like Cyber Monday doesn't even mean anything anymore

Not to brag but I just did a fart that sounded exactly like the drums at the beginning of No Doubt's "Spiderwebs"

Sometimes when I'm writing an email I'll leave a lil typo in there just so the recipient knows I'm actually typing it, but maybe I'm just a little flustered and in a hurry! This is ALWAYS noticed and 100% effective every time at achieving whatever exactly I'm hoping to gain from it!

it's that magical time of year again (my annual reposting of @wigu.org's cyber monday comic)

Here is Dug the Groundhog doing some various activities.

I'm still boycotting Starbucks from like, 15 boycotts ago

thinking about her today…

Today I replaced my pool pump by myself. It was hard and I feel really good about it

Fifteen Years xkcd.com/3172/

IT'S ALIIIIIVVEEEEE www.kickstarter.com/projects/mal...

While on tour promoting 'Wake Up Dead Man', Rian Johnson goes off on AI for “making everything worse in every single way.” bit.ly/47UBPfH

they could make so much on AI by charging a dollar more to turn it off

You'd think if AI was actually worth a shit it would get the hint that I'M NOT INTERESTED and stop popping up afterwards asking if I'm SURE I wanna call it off like a weird ex who has my password.

I've been doing this job for 1700 years and today is the first day someone pronounced "Topatoco" correctly (aka the way I pronounce it).

I did an interview with @davidhallerwrites.bsky.social that you may enjoy; I talk about a few things I don't think I have talked about before. Plus, enjoy a huge picture of my fast-collapsing middle-aged face which I do not even hide with a beard. www.davidhallerwrites.com/post/freeze-...

Just found out my plumber is a Juggalo and I'm SO relieved.

Being entertained by The Entertainment Boys

I understand some people consider them necessary.

Pivoting to this sort of thing

Hey wait a minute Axel Foley's jacket is number 67, this MUST be what they're talking about.

It is true that 21 years ago I lived in an apartment and started a company! Zero bankruptcies so far. Thank you!

I went to dollar tree and bought 22 prayer candles and was not the weirdest person in there BY A LOT.

Can you die from having the same song stuck in your head for too long? "How Much I Feel" by Ambrosia has been going for like 2 weeks and it's starting to feel like a horror movie

On this day, Dr. Manhatten first reappears after his atomized destruction in a lab accident. Happy November 10th to all who observe.

New shirt! The perfect thing for anyone who doesn't live in abject chaos. topato.co/collections/...

>> types "Have a goon evening!" >> hits send