There's no way in hell this could possibly be the intention (it must be specific to some evangelical sect) but the bumper sticker "Look at God!" just feels accusatory to me instead of instructional, like God just peed his pants and the school bully is directing us all to look so we can point & laugh

ALIENS but replace Bill Paxton with Beaker

Invert the usual movie cast/Muppet question: I propose Wrath of Khan and leave everyone as-is except replace Ricardo Montalban with Gonzo (h/t this week's episode of @warrocketajax.com)

On the one hand this is so tremendously ego-poisoned and stupid that yes I believe it could've happened, but on the other you're asking me to believe in a Trump official who knows an actual fact about history, so 🤷

At least one (1) person out there fully understands and internalizes the concept of scansion and for this we give thanks

Band and album title

The question of whether or not X is ever gonna give it to us has been posed elsewhere by others and we need not rehash it here; what we must now consider is the possibility that X simply gave it to someone else while our attention was diverted, and if so, what do we do with this knowledge

Hey. You wanna see something?

I think the real problem is that everyone keeps shouting "edro, edro!" at the Strait of Hormuz when the real word is almost certainly "mellon"

For some reason I can't stop thinking about that guy who created an entire staff of made-up AI bots and immediately sexually harassed one of them AND THEN TOLD US ALL ABOUT IT IN A BLOG POST OR WHATEVER IT WAS when did that happen? a thousand years ago?? a million???? oh it was less than a year ago

Starfleet Academy is fun actually and I invite you all to come join me on this hill!!!!!!!!!! ferociousj.beehiiv.com/p/i-don-t-kn...

This and the following post are my exact position as well

I cannot think of any greater irony to witness than a cybertruck driving past me with TESLA SERVICE DEPT livery on the side, of all things

Okay this rules

continue to think that if instead of "raw milk" we called it "doodoo milk" people would understand the risk proposition

Did anyone tell Amazon that if they wanted to "curry favor" with Trump, instead of blowing millions upon millions on this piece of shit Melania doc, they could've just spent like a couple grand on a fake award for Bezos to hand him in front of a camera

"We'll make a rule that ICE isn't allowed to kidnap and disappear citizens, a rule that they'll definitely follow because they sure haven't been breaking any other rules with total impunity on camera that we can see" I CANNOT with these useless fucking fucks, who's running against them already!!!!

Is this agentic AI

If the ICE pricks somehow habituate to the nice whistles everyone's using now, I advocate switching to the AZTEC DEATH WHISTLE en masse and seeing if we can inflict true lasting damage (link to sound samples at the bottom) www.news.uzh.ch/en/articles/...

Anytime I have to see Jeffries or Schumer's stupid useless faces or read some idiotic centrist bullshit they said I need an immediate followup post that says who's primarying them and where to donate, is there already a bot for that or something

Going through my important files for something and stumbled across this permanent record of the best joke I will ever make thanks to Android emoji kitchen

This restored 5HP immediately

Just think: if we didn't have to deal with the resurgence of fascism we could've celebrated 2026 as the year we finally penetrated the Borrowers' memetic camouflage

I'm not even "largely" a pacifist in my heart of hearts if we're gonna be real honest about ourselves here

Food in my house doesn't "become moldy so I had to throw it in the compost," it is instead "censured for disloyalty and cast out"

This is the year I give trilobites racing stripes because nobody can prove they didn't have 'em

How is it 2026 and we're still fucking doing this, you absolute fucking clowns

Couldn't they have just named the company Annatar to at least fucking TRY to disguise it a little, jesus CHRIST

My kids have been watching Pokemon Horizons for a while and it's fine -- pretty good, even, probably! (I don't pay 100% attention) -- but look: I'm used to watching kids wander around this world with pokemon that are basically just animals. Right? A big yellow mouse, a duck: animals

"The #1 movie when you were 10 years old is how your 2026 is going to go…" This is either going to be spectacular or disastrous depending on whether I'm Bruce or Thomas Wayne in this scenario now that I'm a dad and all

I lost my taste for posting to my personal Insta forever ago, but I still want to share my weird little guys, so catch me at this new account!! www.instagram.com/forecastfossil

My new crew of college buddies and I saw EVENT HORIZON sitting in the third row; that night my roommate and I slept with the light on

Contemplating the purchase of a small stiff-bristled paintbrush for the express purpose of removing salt from the surfaces of cookies I want to eat, who's with me on this

At this point I would settle for a journalist asking Trump to count from 1 to 30 on camera

I saw the Handjob, Good Game! Toilet Paper car* again today but am at a loss as to what it portends for my day/week/month * Still the only remotely plausible interpretation of vanity license plate HJGGTP I've managed to generate

My first act as Despot President will be to declare Star Wars ep9 noncanonical

Tired: Unexpected events make people pay attention to their surroundings and increase prosocial behavior Wired: When Batman gets on the subway, people act right www.nature.com/articles/s44...

The revelation of the sheer scale of abject desperation at play here would cause any other person to light themself on fire and walk into traffic from sheer humiliation, yet Elon just keeps on truckin', it's unbelievable

At least that one brain-melted lady who fell in love with Martin fucking Shkreli didn't subject us to a book that caused 4d8 psychic damage just by opening it

While it may seem to the untrained eye that I am conspicuously not simply posting the words "CHEX MIX" every 30 seconds without pause in an unceasing stream of consciousness, know that in my heart that is exactly what I'm doing at all times even when not within reach of a computing device

Thank FUCK for at least one (1) person who remembers what scansion is!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I GOT TO THIS ARTICLE IN THE FIRST PLACE I CLICKED ON A LINK IN THE FUCKING NEWSLETTER THAT I'M ALREADY SUBSCRIBED TO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT STUPID ?UTM= GARBAGE IN THE URL FOR IF NOT TO TRACK EXACTLY WHERE THE FUCK I CAME FROM YOU LAZY FUCKING ASSHOLES

I firmly believe in physics and chemistry and chemical engineering and that advances in science are possible at all times, but when the refill store's laundry powder says HALF A TABLESPOON for an entire load of washing I just can't bring myself to do it (I put a full tbsp in) (even that seems nuts)

Dear Etsy witches, I saw three (3) cybertrucks on my way home; who among you has a spell to help remove this terrible curse

We're all having fun here but I have to report that it's been many hours and I still haven't seen whether anybody's sent a U-Haul to Dave Portnoy's house yet

[rings bells] A king's ransom to whoever can find me a fucking transcript of Zohran's victory speech! I want to READ THE WORDS MYSELF, holy shit I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WATCH A FUCKING VIDEO

This is perhaps the smallest victory of the night, but I went to a city council meeting tonight to speak in support of a little preschool being beleaguered by NIMBY dipshits, and the council voted unanimously to smack their stupid bullshit into the trash where it belonged and it felt INCREDIBLE

I was tempted to leave the AI training setting on just in case LinkedIn somehow immanentizes the eschaton and puts my face on its unstoppable business singularity homunculus but on second thought maybe that would be detrimental to my brand voice