can we actually ride out of the sunset? this is really hurting my retinas.

I HATE AI!!! (…except for my spotify dj that guy seems chill)

I don’t want to eat the rich! Old meat! Bad meat! Rotten 🤮

It’s simple; you work at a coffee shop and you become a caffeine addict

hey chat, would it be an overreaction if i just Gave Up

Every time I see a raiders fan in my town my brain thinks of a local strip club called Raider’s Reef and I genuinely have a moment where I go “woah they bought stripper merch, nice”

white claw for breakfast, haircut for lunch

I got a job! 🎉 I got a job! 🎉 I got a job! 🎉

not delivery not digiorno but a secret third thing

the gen-z stare is actually just this

don’t ask me to think about a single thing, I mean honestly if i think too hard about tying my shoes i’ll probably forget how to do it entirely, alright?

a dishwasher, but for bongs

drinking a glass of you-know-what with you-know-who, you-know-where

strawberry lemonade, caeser salad, and truffle fries 🫡

killed a gnat that flew into my wine and now i feel evil

how u gonna hate me when im literally eating peanut butter toast and apple slices

I might not even be hungry but if somebody is eating spaghetti in the same room as me, I WILL get spaghetti jealousy

all these years and cats still cannot has cheezeburger

all these years and cats still run the internet

damn the Pope really met JD and was like, "i've seen enough"

Why must I keep learning new things about kanye west

The cup could be half full OR half empty but you won’t know until you drink it; Schrödinger’s Cup

101 Ways to Piss Off a Boomer : #1 - Sleep

yeah I’m a gambler (having a coffee at 5:30pm)

Tom Nook for President 2028

when he dies they're gonna cut open his head and find there was only one of those wind-up monkeys playing the cymbals in there this entire time

they really need to invent a second type of money these guys can play around with separate from the money I need to buy food. Business Money. Money 2

this may be over some of your heads, but roof

I feel like giving up at this point. It’s all just rejection rejection rejection. 😞

Applied for another job. Trying so hard to be diligent 😮‍💨

i’m so tired of rich people

everybody send good vibes so that I get this job and can finally move out of my parent’s house (I live with a mentally unstable father who is MAGA and i’ve been trying to get out since I had to move back in during November)

All I’m gonna say is I’ve never seen a republican couple have a happy marriage

Schrödinger's dick in a box

very very nerdy* 🥴💘

🔥

strawberry shortkakke

Of course just as RFK gets put in charge of healthcare I’m thinking about how badly I probably need anxiety medication 🥲

*brings a baguette to a knife fight* “Can one of you guys slice this for me?”

normalize giving people the old thumbs down

Maybe if we tell them there’s a student encampment inside the White House democrats will spring to action.

alright, someone come force me to get up outta bed

I didn’t want to have to say it lads but, this future, is looking double-plus ungood.

if i don't say weird things my magic stops working :(

I never wanted to be this politically informed.

It’s 80 degrees, a light breeze, and it actually feels quite nice out. (this is not a good thing)

well it looks like i picked a bad year to [anything]

Spotify killed the video star