If you ever wondered what GOP gerrymandering looks like in red states with blue cities, I present:

It’s weird that when Elon said he was going to solve Twitter’s bot problem, he meant the problem where Twitter wasn’t paying bots to post

grok, fuck my wife in an epic manner. more vulgar, grok. use forbidden words

Tweeting fifty-SIX times a day until I have enough clout and money to buy Twitter back from pale worm Elon

Giving away a record amount of money from my checking account to my savings account

they’re saying on the news goku is sick. they’re saying he ate a box of sunmaid raisins and they’re poison for him like for dogs. the camera cut to the weatherman for the forecast and he can’t keep it together. everyone in this town loves goku

Why the fuck is this framed as “teenager chose to prostitute herself and ruined the career of innocent congressman”

Took a quick trip to Rome to take in some Western artwork. Michelangelo was a true master, and David was his masterpiece!

The Fifth Element, which I have seen many times, has great style. Watch it at 0.5x speed to really appreciate the alpha Would love to collab with Zorg some day!

“people who disagree with me are the thought police” is such an embarrassing thing to say. it’s also such a bari weiss thing to say

I'm not sure about this branding but I'm not the billionaire business genius

Shocking news out of the federal courts today, where I’m hearing P Diddy has been sentenced to fund a wing in Donald Trump’s presidential library

Abundantly stupid

Kash Patel’s FBI got a bunch of dogs sick by burning a big pile of methamphetamine, which sounds bad, but is actually a big improvement over what the GOP usually does to dogs

God what a fucking idiot

My work laptop gets so hot the finger oil has seasoned the surface like a nice cast iron skillet

THIS CONVICTED DRUG TRAFFICKER IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER!!!! You’re doing great here. Don’t listen to what literally everyone is saying about you.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. filling an IV bag from a murky puddle near Trump National's sixth tee. "The president needs parameciums," he tells the assembled media. "It's the only treatment proven to work in real testing." His golf cart is piled high with dozens of dead birds.

trump bending over for a ball on the golf course, his pantlegs riding up and revealing his skin accordioned over the top of his socks like a twisty straw someone hasn't stretched out yet, folds the gleaming healthful color of a ziplock bag filled with log cabin syrup

really worth watching

I’m living in the golden age of audio where headphones are improving by leaps and bounds every year, and my hearing is degrading like a hotdog left in an arizona parking lot garbage can

you have to hand it to them, somehow subway figured out how to bake bread that smells like a dog

Imagine sitting around a table dreaming about bootlicking

"80 million jobs were added in june, very nice very nice. 300 million jobs added in july, even better. but this month mr president, 2 billion jobs were added," I confidently declare, doing the easiest job in the world so i can own a home in a walkable neighborhood

lol at this response to a “man on the street” interview with protestors at the Tesla diner

NEW investigation: DOGE-Pilled The full story on the transformation of 23 year-old Luke Farritor and how he ended up at the Department of Government Efficiency--slashing, dismantling, undoing--wielding a résumé that "didn’t pass muster” NO PAYWALL! www.bloomberg.com/features/202...

Holy shit, they did it. They wrote the headline.

Charlie Kirk is such a stupid Nazi fuck that he literally thinks “New York City would be so cool without the gays, and immigrants and Blacks and Jews.” Motherfucker, we are WHY New York City is cool you stupid little bitch! People like you not living there is what makes it cool!

All the dire implications notwithstanding it is hilarious how evil this technology is. Billions of dollars spent on this greasy lying stupid thing that was literally built to replace people, and everyone that uses it gets weaker, lazier, dumber, and sadder for having done so. Well done all around.

“Before the second Trump era, it would’ve been seen as a ridiculous violation of the First Amendment to have some kind of monitor making sure the media was being nice to the president.” @gizmodo.com $PARA gizmodo.com/fcc-to-appoi...

It is fucking insane that we had a decade of people complaining about the dangers of cancel culture, and now literally hundreds of thousands of people are being purged from government jobs for ideological reasons, but that is not cancel culture.

Hey, remember when Trump tried to make a guy who had sex with minors the Attorney General of the United States? And then, after that didn’t work, he picked the former Florida AG who didn’t charge Epstein during her 8 years in office?

Again, when Trump complained that he could no longer “date” 17-year-old girls, he was 53 years old.

“The wrong order will be brought to you in three hours by a remote-controlled robot. Please do not ask the robot what its name is.”

Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist but I don't believe Colbert fired himself

Here’s the bottom line for what’s going on with Grok - if the owner of the website is putting his thumb on the scale hard enough for the chatbot to turn into Goebbels, you should be deeply concerned about what he’s doing to the algorithm that you can’t so easily see, and what it’s doing to you

Trump just announced a 50% tariff on copper, which sounds like a lot, but that’s because he’s pro copper, and really loves it. He’s a real coprophile!

Imagine running for mayor of NYC when you have the same name as noted creep, Andrew Cuomo! Lol, uphill battle much?

Proud to be taking a stand with my party by sending pizzas with “let’s meet in the middle” written in pepperoni to my political rivals 💕💯

The flood of encomiums and morality tales about Elon's turn in Washington cldn't be more predictable, vapid & sickening. If you want a story, get me the story about the crisis comms team directing this. He ran anti-constitutional blitzkrieg thru the federal government, did massive harm, violated ...

Dear Mr. Clegg I have started a business, selling the contents of your house I knew when I launched I did not have legal access your house Without this access my company will not be profitable Others have told me I have a flawed business model, but I disagree Please advise how I should proceed

There’s a lot to choose from, but the latest thing to sour me on media has been every outlet breathlessly posting near-identical “Elon is getting out of Politics!” articles within 3 days of each other, in one of the most blatant bits of PR manipulation I’ve ever seen

“A man came up to me, a big burly man with tears in his eyes, and he says ‘Sir, thank you for taking such a huge bribe from Qatar -$400m!’ And I said you’re welcome, are you my son Don Jr and he said ‘No, I’m an electrician named Jack’ Disgusting, I said, get this tradesman the fuck out of my face”

It looks like R2-D2’s hearse.

I know it's not the most important thing here but this story also corroborates one of my biggest theories about these tech guys: they do zero hours of work in a day. They do no work no matter how much they claim to work 14 hours a day. They're just on their phones.

My daughter asked me where does potting soil come from. “It comes from a bag, honey” I replied. “Mr Home Depot grows it in his parking lot”

Leaky Pete hacking the Pentagon's IT system so he can drunkenly text people. They should call the scandal PeteyLeaks

my plan to get people to start having more kids? make climate change worse. abolish the department of education. also milk is poison