What a cop does after shooting someone’s family pet

Cheech and Chong’s Drone Pilots

Lord I’ve seen what you’ve done for others and I want that for me

I hate being advertised to. I already pay for your stinkin rag @theonion.com

and now, your moment of zen. 🎥 (https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYhEwUvv67q/)

Meltdown May coming in hot

On the next episode of The Pitt: Dr. Robby, "Sir, how many matchbox cars do you have up your rectum?"

Hearing rumors Pizza Hut is putting cheese in the crust

Honestly I haven’t heard much about Elon musk lately which is both very good and probably extremely bad

The “I hate my tax dollars going to giving poor people food and housing” are weirdly silent

Ahhhhhhh… the French champagne

Gavin Newsom is just like me, weekly, sometimes daily, perusing the aisles of Best Buy for prewritten software. Only to discover, my dubious friends have purchased it online and have not paid a dime in sales tax. My walls are filled with fist shaped holes

Every single show in this 25-year-old promo has either been recently revived or never stopped airing

Evening viewing recommendation? Watch Billy Wilder's THE APARTMENT (1960) in our Office Romances collection! ❤️ Jack Lemmon stars in one of Wilder’s most beloved films as C. C. Baxter, a company man anxious to please his superiors at the New York insurance firm where he works enough to let his bosses

I bought my little niece this Paddington Bear toy which talks when you squeeze it, but now my sister's dog has got hold of it and is savaging it ruthlessly while it says things like 'I wonder what adventures I shall have today!' and 'I'm your friend!'

Caught in a barb wire fence, twisted sideways, pants ripped down to my ankles. Outsmarted again by gophers. Suddenly, I see dust billowing up from the horizon. It’s a convoy of rental cars! Hundreds of national reporters are on their way to ask me about gas prices and woke

Welcome to rivalry weekend

You gotta see Gotti

I cant believe she was only 30/31 when she filmed Fellowship

Classic win-now move. You have to give Pittsburgh credit for going for it while their championship window is open.

it's colonoscopy day o clock somewhere

Feeling overwhelmed with all of this. LISTEN. Another Louisiana resident (Marshawn is the only name we have) testifies against the state’s racial gerrymander, speaking truth to power up and down the hearing room and predicts how this story will end. Speak your truth, fight and believe.

You don’t hate country music, you just hate the same 100 songs of bootlicking corporatized trash about saluting the flag while drinking a beer in your truck at a football game next to your pretty silent wife in daisy dukes who also knows how to fish.

We were a bit lacking. Pirates — Henry Davis reaches on a fielder's choice, fielded by third baseman Kyle Karros. Ryan O'Hearn scores. Nick Gonzales scores. Brandon Lowe to 3rd. Henry Davis to 2nd.:

I think we can safely say the Rockies and Pirates just conceived the dumbest play in MLB history

@rockiesvsconnor.bsky.social not sure if you’re watching the Rockies game but the dumbest play in mlb history might have just happened

World’s bravest shavers

Porn titles are getting lazy.

How can you not be romantic about baseball

I’m calling off work when it happens so I can scroll social media

millennials taking their gen z coworkers to the craft beer bar for 5-7 lunch ipas

yeah im into anime

I miss the days of buying these.

Someone check his hard drive please

too many stupid people have money; that's why I'm launching protein cigarettes

If you post crap like this it’s an instant block

Guys, I saw it in person!!!

Breakfast In Bed Served To Mom Who Just Got Eaten Out https://theonion.com/breakfast-in-bed-served-to-mom-who-just-got-eaten-out-1819574958/

woke up mid procedure and noticed my dentist was faking his orgasm

This “my 22 foot Donald Trump statue is not a golden calf” shirt is raising a lot of questions already answered by my shirt

What say you, Bottom?

Nothing can prepare you for who's singing this National Anthem (via lpaulfranklin / TT)