When I’m too drunk to remember the word “ravioli.”

Remember how less than three weeks ago the president threatened to kill an entire civilization

Op-Ed writers this week

This puts the security debate in better perspective. I know this space really well. The guy wasn’t anywhere near the ballroom. He was basically trying to rush the security perimeter and failed. It’s a big complex with lots of different event happening at the same time.

money, next question

For decades, birthday party clowns folded balloons and played games. John Wayne Gacy is taking a different approach.

we say it a lot but Dems absolutely have to demand impeachment, resignation, or a 25th amendment removal every day. Every HOUR of every day You cannot let someone who talks like this have the nuclear codes until the next election and then just kinda hope the electorate does your job for you

We just did a little Passover seder with mostly experienced players but a couple newbies who had never been to one before and the wife kept saying "dayanus" and like REALLY enunciating and it was the best thing that's ever happened to me

Absolutely lost my mind laughing at this one

When it comes to writing, the process is the purpose. You don’t have to always like or enjoy the process, but if you don’t respect it enough to do it yourself, there is no purpose. AI will never fill that void. www.thehandbasket.co/p/refusing-t...

Mary Wollstonecraft warned you that women who are only objects of pity and love, due to their “fascinating graces,” their “soft phrases, susceptibility of heart, [and] delicacy of sentiment” — in a word, due to their weakness (and not strength) — “will soon become objects of contempt.”

Ok but the upshot is I was volunteering with my usual group of septuagenarians and AI came up so I told this anecdote and then had the immense pleasure of teaching them what down to clown means

Today is the one year anniversary of DOGE's raid on the US Institute of Peace. DC Metropolitan police literally broke open doors at the institute's privately-owned building to let Trump officials bully their way in. Read about my lawsuit to retrieve the body camera footage, and what it revealed:

Everybody who liked OBAA says something like "they really did something with that that I've never seen before!" Ok WHAT. What did they do. I watched a movie that held my attention & had great acting but I truly couldn't tell you what it was about or why anybody did anything (except Sean Penn).

Kakistocracy-ass haircuts

imagine this is how we find out UFOs are real

Extremely good/existentially terrifying wheeeeeee!!

We really need to know how it came to be that @sanders.senate.gov came to throw his full weight and reputation behind Platner like 5 minutes after the guy announced his senate run

How many of these guys have polymarket bets on Jesus coming back

I brought my copy of @theonion.com to work so my clients could enjoy and one was shaking so hard with laughter it probably took an extra ten minutes to apply her color, what a gift

Doctors say that vaccines protect children from dangerous diseases. A nepo baby who barbecues dogs and snorts cocaine off toilet seats says that vaccines make children vulnerable to 5G radiation. For busy parents, it can be hard to know who to trust.

Chadwick Boseman and James van der Beek both died in their 40s of an illness that's treatable if a colonoscopy catches it but almost no insurer covers them for people under 45, this is what Engels meant by "social murder"

It's genuinely kind of funny that people were mad about Bad Bunny not singing in English when the first song Kid Rock played begins as so: Bawitdaba, da-bang, da-bang, diggy-diggy-diggy / Said the boogie, said up drop the boogie / Bawitdaba, da-bang, da-bang, diggy-diggy-diggy / Said the boogie, sai

Is there some sort of award for perfectly missing the point?

Definitely wasn't gonna watch the game but then my wife said we gotta to see lots of men cry, so I'm all in

Apart from this being nuts, practically speaking if you're gambling real money on Jesus showing up how is that getting proven one way or another and whose call is it?

PSA: at the back of the store, the real flu shot is free. getmyflushot.org

Our founders, though deeply flawed, understood that democracy requires an informed citizenry and a government accountable to it people. That’s why the press is the only profession protected by the Constitution. It’s also why autocrats and oligarchs seek to control and destroy it.

This is tremendous. Take the time to watch it.

NEW: Until recently, two Minneapolis women have heading out each day on a simple mission: to find and mock Border Patrol field leader Greg Bovino. I talked to one of them and wrote about the strengths and limits of mocking these dripless malevolent losers: www.motherjones.com/politics/202...

The release of the Epstein Files really lays bare the evils of (among other things) networking.

You're gonna disagree with some moots about all the shit going on. Some people cope with the stress through optimism and some wish Chuck Schumer to be flung into the Potomac. Try not to be too dickish to people you largely agree with and focus your anger on America's real villain, Michael Rapaport

I cannot tell you how much doubt was consistently directed at the Gaza Health Ministry’s casualty numbers and how much pressure was put on news organizations to couch those numbers as unreliable. Biden himself said they were fabricated! www.haaretz.com/israel-news/...

A reminder to the news media: “conflicting accounts” is what you say BEFORE the incontrovertible video evidence appears. After that, your job is to ask why one side is lying, not to repeat the lie and pretend no one knows the truth.

I remain absolutely furious that all this shit in Minneapolis started because a barely-literate homeschooled mormon made a video trying to run up in daycare centers trying to find people of Somalian descent doing fraud despite the ringleader (a white woman) being in jail since March. Demonic.

"They say they're coming to save us from some evil? They're talking about our neighbors who take care of us ... Alex was murdered while he was helping. Mr Rogers said look for the helpers, & right now the helpers have a target on our forehead ... Mr Rogers would be here right now too, so I'm here."

Reporters, if you wrote about learning loss due to covid school closures, you can write about learning loss due to state terror.

They can’t do it because it points out that they themselves are doing nothing to help. Maybe three of them saying Abolish ICE. The rest are talking about retraining and body cams and QR codes.

Nation Yearns For Relative Calm Of ‘President A Giant Pedophile’ News Cycle https://theonion.com/nation-yearns-for-relative-calm-of-president-a-giant-pedophile-news-cycle/

Block instantly.

Where is everyone getting that Orwell quote from? Because I just pulled out my digital copy of 1984, and all it says is, "Everything The Party tells you is in your best interests! Why are you bothering reading anyway? I bet you haven't even watched the Stranger Things finale yet."

they didn’t leak it to make the shooter look innocent, but to make the victim look guilty. not guilty of a crime. guilty of having a visibly queer wife. guilty of liberalism. guilty of opposing the regime. they don’t seek to exonerate themselves, only to demonstrate who deserves to die.

that's so crazy. i'm sure you put him in prison and banned him from ever holding office again right

It's this but then the exterminator sends you text messages asking for more money every 3 hours for the rest of your life