good news! we've successfully addressed the problem where people were getting too emotionally entangled with our chatbot. we're happy to announce you'll be able to fuck it soon

Almost like we founded the entire country on opposing this exact sentence.

We are not creating skynet we are creating Nozick's experience machine

What To Know About NSPM-7 https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-nspm-7/

Matthew 15:29-31: And great crowds came to him, bringing with them the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute, and many others, and they put them at his feet, and he healed them after verifying their citizenship status.

Heaven forbid carrying a cross be difficult

i wish rich people had more money

“And Magda Goebbels made a great strudel“.

When a right-wing man murdered Democratic lawmakers in Minnesota, progressives asked MAGA to tone down the rhetoric to prevent more violence. Within hours of Kirk’s murder, motive still unknown, the right is demanding that the government wage a campaign of violence against their enemies.

my dog’s going nonverbal and beating my ass at chess

Sorry little fella but if you end up in my cave after the doors close you get bludgeoned to death. Them's the rules.

Used to be you could just go out for cigarettes and never come home, but the decline in smoking has made it much harder for men to abandon their families. Kind of sad when you think about it.

"i asked grok" "i asked chatgpt" yeah well i asked carl sagan and he said the greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance but the illusion of knowledge 🧪

Im gonna be honest I think AI is better aligned than a lot of humans these daya

Jeff Bezos appears to be wearing the wrong waistcoat for his wedding. This is a dinner suit (aka a tuxedo) and thus requires a dress waistcoat, which is cut lower on the body. He's wearing a business vest, which is designed for business suits. Needs a formal waistcoat like the one on the right.

American have forgotten how to build banana

If you load this page it contacts 82 IP addresses executing 256 separate HTTP transactions to download 18MB of data writing 64 cookies to your device to tell you “no”

Everyone in the past was neurotypical, which is how we got things like this single-author, eight-volume encyclopedia of ferns

“Terry. Terry. I am the Pope. Did you see the picture? The hat? The beautiful white hat? The tremendous cross? Get him the picture.”

The past is dead. Long live the past.

That’s cool, but I actually don’t own a computer or phone or TV. I prefer books (hard cover case-bound original editions), so I don’t really even know what any of those words mean, sorry.

I can totally relate to carrying around $3k, I’m not sure what the fuss is about. what if you’re out and you realize you need to buy a gallon of milk? or a banana?

Why even have a brain, any ideas, any ability to express them, any kind of communication with other people, any desire to solve problems or invent anything, any reason to learn, any use for your eyes or your heart, or any reason to teach or create

i think i got food poisoning at the marketplace of ideas

I JUST got out of the shower and it starts raining! How unlucky is that!

Bringing flowers to a gun fight

Why are vegetable oils woke and beef tallow alt-right now? Now the left is defending vegetable oils? Huh?

He should focus on his actual business

Pro-fossil-fuel messaging is basically like "but don't you LOVE going to the laundromat? having your own washer/dryer at home is overrated" and yet people eat it up.

Most of what we call "tech" is about getting the right information into a database and trying to prevent the wrong person from reading or updating it.

The ladies love it when I hamburger my helper

Times when the US has contracted: - The 19th-20th century before the end of the gold standard - The 2008 financial crisis (most was -1.7% per month) - 2015, when the CPI barely broke below 0% at −0.1%. This is so unbelievably bad and somehow completely expected

The Three Stooges were born out of the Great Depression, when shit is bad we need to goof around and talk about stuff even more. That’s what art is for

...there had even been demonstrations to thank Big Brother for recuding the egg prices to $8.11. And only last week, he reflected, it had been announced that the egg prices were to be INCREASED to $8.11. Was it possible that they could swallow that, after only one week? Yes, they swallowed it.

El Capitan displays a massive American flag upside down—the traditional signal of distress or extreme emergency.

“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist” James Baldwin

...there had even been demonstrations to thank Big Brother for recuding the egg prices to $8.03. And only last week, he reflected, it had been announced that the egg prices were to be INCREASED to $8.03. Was it possible that they could swallow that, after only one week? Yes, they swallowed it.

Now that wokeness is dead the Mars corporation is finally free to put lead back into the M&M's coating

History: “Eventually the incompetent fascists invariably lose power and then society recovers in a new and stronger way” Me: “Oh, cool, so what has to happen for the spell to be broken??” History: “mmmm…well, that part is less encouraging.”

...there had even been demonstrations to thank Big Brother for recuding the egg prices to $7.74. And only last week, he reflected, it had been announced that the egg prices were to be INCREASED to $7.74. Was it possible that they could swallow that, after only one week? Yes, they swallowed it.

Anticompetent

I’m not sure you could more effectively and rapidly dismantle the U.S.’s soft power projection and global influence if you tried.

...there had even been demonstrations to thank Big Brother for recuding the egg prices to $7.55. And only last week, he reflected, it had been announced that the egg prices were to be INCREASED to $7.55. Was it possible that they could swallow that, after only one week? Yes, they swallowed it.

The boys (two wolves) are back in town (inside me)

I tested Google's Gemini Flash 2.0 LLM on the 8values test. This is what I got.

A vampire has been let in the building, and now the only option is a stake through the heart.