Good news everyone, I'm ill in bed and can sense I'm about to enter a state of delirium. Time to rotate hypercubes in my mind and cure mortality!

Guardian has a game designed to show you how hard Rachel Reeves’ job is and within 30 seconds I made everyone happy by raising taxes somewhat on very wealthy people and corporations and slightly cutting them for everyone else, undid welfare cuts, got the budget into surplus. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hey, new Stargate!

The government shouldn't be picking winners in the economy. Who's to say the next boom won't come from the authentic stupidity sector?

"AI companies must have the first choice of the chocolates in the Celebrations tin, and you all can whatever's left."

When I was involved in planning union conferences, I looked up once that it actually would have been cheaper for us to have held the conference in Croatia and pay for everyone's flights than it was for us to hire the Brighton conference centre. So anyway Your Party should have done that.

The weather is going to be in the negatives tomorrow, which means everyone's going to clip through the floor.

Most science fiction is pretty pessimistic about the long term prospects of television, but I'm a dissenting voice on this; I think TV shows will outlast the human race.

"Whoa, I just felt the mandela effect that there was such a thing as the mandela effect." - guy from the dimension where there's no such thing as the mandela effect

I'm sick of the UN.

This map shows a clear civilisational border.

The government should pay me to run a secret department. Me and my team of analysts will run some investigations.

Your Party is performance art at this point.

lol

Imagine being the UK's #2 Shrek tribute band.

I think what I don't get is if krill is so plentiful in the ocean that all whales have to do to meet their hefty calorific requirement is every now and then just open their mouths and the amount of krill will passively wash in will be enough to sustain them, then why isn't every fish doing this?

Imagine how bizarre it must have been to have lived in the Nile valley in ancient times. Your whole civilisation was just a line. The only directions were left or right.

Just used a hammer to tap open a chocolate orange. That's pretty macho of me I think.

Bill Clinton got Donald Trump pregnant.

Customer: Can I have the Stranger Things Burger. KFC server: Eurgh. What? No.

I think the government should give everyone £1,000.

When Irish media interviews an Irish celebrity their first question is always "so what's it like being Irish?".

My version of getting uncomfortable when things get "too political" is when people start criticising leaders of any of the 20th century socialist bloc countries.

13th century ancestor: You mean to say you have devices installed in your hovels that can create consistent warmth? Me: Yes, but it costs a couple of quid to turn them on, so we mostly just stay cold. Ancestor: I can only imagine how much of a fortune two of these quids of yours must represent.

Thinking of attending the auction to bid for this property. www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/1...

I think I'd thrive living underground.

Wife: Please listen.. I am tired… The chores are piling up Husband: (looking up from Conan the Barbarian novelette) By Crom! You hector me like a Kushite copper merchant! Though you yourself are as comely as a Hercanian courtesan.. Aah, you flee from me like a Shemite sellsword.. Babe.. Woman..

Does anyone know if there exists a thing that helps you find job share partners? I feel like I would benefit from entering into a kind of symbiosis with someone where I get to benefit from their early career success, and in return I let them spend time with their loving family.

Look at the screenshot Trump is posting. “If Jeffrey Epstein had any dirt on Donald Trump, he would have had great leverage in the criminal case against him at the time he died.” That’s, um… precisely why people think Epstein didn’t kill himself? Like, that’s the whole idea very nicely summarized?

This is a really good one: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1giR...

I've gotten really into conlanger youtube lately. Not that I'm into conlanging; I think it's for dweebs and homework addicts, I just like getting a peek into their little ecosystem.

Who gives a shit about auroras. I've seen all those colours before.

Liberal democracy is the best system in the world. You have a right wing party that does right wing policies, and when that gets unpopular, the people can vote for a left wing party that does even more right wing policies.

Just seen a video of a woman in Birmingham out in knee high flood water using a broom to try to unclog the drain to stop the flood, and everyone in the comments is saluting and applauding her, but I thought she looked quite stupid in the video.

Thank you for representing this information in a sperm diagram.

Has anyone ever tried coming to peace with yourself? Is it good?

In another life, I might have called you friend. I am of course talking about idiot life, the stupid life for people who are friends with dopes.

Is the new Mittchell and Webb show good?

wifes love asking shit like "Honey, what is the Blowjob Olympics?" and "Why is 'Blowjob Olympics' listed on our CC statement like 14 times"

Why doesn't Tom Lawrinson have a BBC sitcom yet?

This is basically what Karl Marx was getting at.

Vine is back, but this time videos can only be 14 or 88 seconds long.

Damn man, some of the stuff in this Frankenstein film. Feels like you need to show Keir Starmer your passport before you see this stuff.

This is better than Wicked.

Billy Boy del Toro's Frankenstein, it's five out of five popcorns from me, folks!

I went to the dentist this morning and everything was fine with my teeth, but my dentist, who is a cute Greek guy, was like, you need to floss more, and I was like, hehe, yeah, I will, and then after I left the dentist I went and bought skittles.

Guys I think the morality of the Buffy franchise is ultimately pretty shady.

What if one day the ruling class all just start laughing and reveal that the entire history of subjugatiion and oppression was just a prank.

Okay, I think the whole "jeevacation" thing is that Jeffrey Epstein is doing a bit about what he's like when he's on vacation. Like all his pals are emailing him and he's emailing back in the character of "Vacation Jeff" who is a subliterate moron.