Jenrick: “I like to sing along to Baby Shark as I dismember a live kitten in front of the teenager I just abducted”

Summon the orcas.

Happy new year everyone, and remember that no matter how bad 2025 was, 2026 will probably be worse 😊

Once saw Paul Clayton (Sophie’s dad from Peep Show) on the tube and suppressed my urge to tell him I was a homophobe but not a badger baiter. Was devastated to later find out he actually quite enjoys being recognised for Peep Show and finds it funny when people quote his character at him

The Begum was a dreadfully cynical piece of politicking by the last government (and Sajid Javid in particular), but it is also one of the Supreme Court's most disgraceful decisions. A pretty dangerous precedent was set on the basis of what was essentially a technicality

Whatever you think about the principle of depriving a person of their British citizenship (I'm strongly against it), we are talking here about revoking citizenship for something that he has not been prosecuted for and that is not a threat to national security

A fascinating case of "what variable have you actually accidentally measured?"

I know the demographics of bluesky and my followers well enough to know you will all understand why this was my favourite Christmas present

Chelsea are having all the chances and are clearly the better team. So how badly are we gonna lose this? 0-2 sounds about right

This is Kyiv this morning. Russia yet again demonstrates its aspirations for peace by bombing apartment buildings and civilian infrastructure.

there are many horrible brainworms you can catch online but none of them are as all-encompassing in their destruction of you as a human being as transphobia start down that road and you become incapable of normal human interaction

I again urge you to ask which is more likely: that millions of members of the public have gone insane, or that a comparatively tiny number of people at the heart of media and politics - who all know each other and often work together - have driven *themselves and each other* crazy.

Every Democrat running for office needs to promise investigations and full prosecutions from top to bottom, remove its funding bloat then break up the agency and distribute its core remaining useful functions across other agencies.

Carol of the Bells sounded after the Christmas greeting by King Charles. It was performed by the Songs for Ukraine choir and the Royal Opera Choir.

Was hoping to post that my best Xmas present this year was my other half saying yes to marrying me, but annoyingly the jeweller making the ring messed up ordering materials and won't be done until January. Never trust creative types

And Keir Starmer, whose polling numbers did die

Merry Christmas to all, especially all the haters and losers out there. Know that you are loved and cherished

Happy 7th anniversary of Piers Morgan blocking me on Twitter for saying that he was the bird lady in Home Alone 2.

We are seriously low on good quality depth at centre-back, could probably do with another centre-forward and I'm still not sold on Sanchez. But sure, lets spend £65 million on a third left winger 🤡

Please sir, my electoral system, he is very sick

Tell Bari. I want her to know it was me, eh

Canadian TV network bravely airs dissidents’ report on U.S. abuses after political commissar orders its suppression

In 2022, Bari Weiss ran this viral first-person piece by a top Levi’s executive. She claimed she was hounded out of the company because of her vocal stance on COVID restrictions. There are no quotes from the company. Or her colleagues. Not even a “no comment.” www.thefp.com/p/yesterday-...

Jules once again showing her hatred of freedom of speech and commitment to censorship. Will this cancel culture madness never end?

My employer recently moved offices, so I've gone from taking the Elizabeth line to work to taking the district line. Without wanting to catastrophise too much, this has ruined my life

I can never hear this tune without going “Ding! Fries are done” in my head

Whoa, Xi Jinping is in the Epstein Files? This really goes all the way to the top!

Yes, this is bog standard Trumper stuff: people who are just normal stroppy arseholes finding friends online and driving each other completely insane, alienating their own friends and family as they become increasingly wacky and difficult to be around.

I'm just gonna say, if there was red hot dirt on Bill, their favorite distraction when Trump is accused of sex crimes, they wouldn't feel the need to play these games.

Seriously have our boys been bribed to give away a penalty?

Lol and, I really must emphasise this, lmao

Fuck’em up, Trev

🎶 He’s one of our own 🎶

The only saving grace to Gusto having a stinker is at least Livramento is out injured. If Gusto was playing like this while Tino was having a great game for Newcastle then I would have become the joker by now

@ the royal family of Abu Dhabi: please ignore the Newcastle-Chelsea score, Enzo Maresca is a very good coach and you should definitely try very hard to bring him to Man City

Ok so it's gonna be one of those days. Terrific

‘Rise and grind’ is about to take on a whole new meaning

"megachurches are shen yun for white people" is an incredible and damning true statement

The Epstein file is the only thing Trump has ever taken his name off of

Sounds glib under the circumstances, but if you are sending death threats to someone who appeared for split second on a viral video, then you really need to get a life

Vaxxed?

One of the things I dislike most about Blue Labour types is they’ll say shit like this and still act like they're Ordinary Voter whisperers. Sorry but if you have strong opinions about the history and lore of the Labour Party, you’re not an everyman, you're a weirdo with niche obsessions

I’m convinced that this map is reflecting reality perfectly.

Because our politics is in such a terrible place, I think we downplay quite how awful Kemi Badenoch has been. In any other era the leader of the Conservatives saying 'only migrants commit sex crimes - mass deportations now' would have not just been career ending but would've sunk the whole party

David Brooks, who wrote in the NYT last month, "The Epstein Story? Count Me Out" is... in the latest Epstein photo dump published by @oversightdemocrats.house.gov. He should absolutely be fired by NYT for this. Major conflict of interest that he didn't disclose.

They decided they could sacrifice the support of the people who did like them to get votes from people who hate them & would never vote for them and it went how everyone outside Starmer’s office expected

Increasingly rare unqualified W for the government (I assume McSweeney is spending today sat in a corner sulking)

Peak blue labour brain to think social media is irrelevant wrt to trade union elections on the one hand, and then on the other think their twitter feeds being wall-to-wall racism accurately reflects the mood of the nation

I honestly expected more from a FIFA Peace Prize recipient