Me, every day: Is literally everything worse than it used to be or am I just getting older

Never forget.

"Fine...go to work then, if you need me I'll be in my cup" Drop a follow for the cat

“Of course, she knows this. She’s just a liar.” 🔥

TIL that Kenny Loggins has a trans son and that he is a super awesome and supportive dad.

I feel like we Californians take the next witness shift and then hand this off to Hawaii until the east coast early risers can get back in.

When all of my Libby holds come in at the same time 💙📚

Where can we station Taylor Swift and Wu-Tang on Election Day?

Nailed it here. 👇

😂

Clarification needed. DID WEST JUST START EATING OFF AMANDA'S PLATE WHILE SITTING NEXT TO CIARA? #InTheCity #SummerHouse

Not only is this $300B of our money to reopen a shipping lane that was already wide open for free but the entire SNAP budget is $100B/year and I was told we couldn’t afford to feed American children fruits and vegetables

*Audio fixed* Hey Los Angeles RED ALERT! We have got to vote for Nithya Raman in massive numbers! It’s the only way to stop the jawdroppingly incompetent (and extreme) Spencer Pratt! Please don’t make me spend the next five months freaking out about Los Angeles!

💯

Librarians literally saved my life

For you to understand how much the world has changed, in the 1970s as a second grader we were REQUIRED to watch the TV show adaptation of ROOTS. REQUIRED. www.knoxnews.com/story/news/e...

This is a completely normal mating ritual. It’s how they make baby Waymos

I’m seeing a whole lot of playing dumb when it comes to Spencer Pratt. Dude lectures LA about struggle and lying about living in a trailer. But he’s actually staying at the Hotel Bel-Air. $1000+/night. WHERE ARE HIS ACTUAL PLANS? The dude is a scammer!

When your dog poses for pictures better than you do...

When a loud noise is unexpected, it's a normal & healthy physiologic response to look *toward* the noise. This *automatic* human reaction helps us to identify potential danger and determine whether we're safe. Not looking toward the noise is *highly indicative* of foreknowledge. #BodyLanguageExpert

Good morning ☕️

In light of last night’s debate, I’m re-upping this post about a governor candidate who is polling embarrassingly high for a white nationalist in the majority-minority state of California. Do folks not realize how dangerous Chad Bianco is?

Activists: Don't go to work today! Don't spend money today! Introverts: Ugh fine I guess I'll stay home 🤭

are we supposed to open these

But not the 2024 election? Trump and his folks argue the election was rigged when he was president, but not rigged when Joe Biden was president.

I'm on episode 6 of #LadiesofLondon thanks to @nerdycat0.bsky.social. I'm at the My Fair Lady party. It took me this long to realize part of the delight is THEY DON'T SPEAK OVER EACH OTHER DURING FIGHTS. (Also sourcing Martha's confessional jewels)

In the running for greatest giveaway of all time

Me: Girl did you just fall from the sky because— Christina Koch: *punches me in the face*

wat

Also, Iran will collect a toll to pass through it.

Every day feels like a horror movie with a false ending. It’s like “oh that murderer is cooked now” and within minutes the villain is back wreaking havoc again.

Has Iran demanded regime change to open Hormuz yet?

God: What the hell is this you idiot I said my son would become a RABBI. Angel who created the Easter Bunny: Oh shit my bad, I misheard you.

Iran is doing Kendrick Lamar diss track lego music videos and they go hard, what a world

What living in the US in 2026 feels like #BelowDeckDownUnder

Truth.

No Kings. Find your event for this Saturday, March 28th. www.nokings.org #NoKings

🧵 Gerri Whittingham was the personal executive secretary to President Lyndon B. Johnson, and was the first African-American secretary in the White House. After the assassination of JFK, Johnson was on the search for a new secretary. #SheShed #Pinks #WomensHistoryMonth

The E Street Band is coming your way!

Donald Trump, who has long railed against mail-in voting — including Monday, when he called it “mail-in-cheating” — used the method himself in a Florida special election scheduled to take place Tuesday. What a hypocrite!!! Gift article 🎁

I didn’t coin this, but I think about it all the time: murder is completely legal in the US as long as the weapon is a car

Voter fraud is so rare that Donald Trump has been convicted of more felonies than the total number of confirmed cases of illegal voting in US federal elections in the last 20 years. #SaveActTaxesVoting

We shouldn’t let it get lost in the conversation that Donald Trump said, in his capacity as “President”, from the Oval Office, that anyone with a learning disability is “dumb.” MAGA parents with learning disabled kids — are you listening?? Are you?!?

Stop letting AI write your content.