The police scanner app said there was a bunch of boxes of stolen liquor next to my job. I went to go make a citizens arrest but there was no liquor 😢

There’s a post-credit scene where Professor X tries to recruit her to the X Men, but she chose to stay with Ms Honey and bake cookies & shit.

“Here nigga. Damn!”

They got the No Country for Old Men doohickey 🔥🔥🔥🔥

I went down a rabbit hole of reels from a factory farm. They were putting down pigs, but it only made me hungry. Am I a bad person?

I was in the college brochure not paying attention

What did y'all look like in college? Fun times 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Back in the day

Verizon: Your bill is ready Me: Well, I'm not

I’ve gotta stop yelling “run bitch!” during suspenseful scenes. I’m not, but still.

I went to my 20 year high school reunion last year & found out a former classmate vanished. I guess Rebecca wanted to go off the grid.

That’s talent. I was only able to hide my car for a few months before they got me.

It’s so bad

A coworker wanted to show me some of his favorite battle rap. Please get this angry-ass spoken word out my face.

“Day after daaaaay seems like I push against the clouds…”

This is the most loseriest shit I’ve ever seen

IYKYK

Whitney had some great adultery songs

I'm at a science fair meeting and it's getting testy....my hypothesis is that if your mama has a mustache she is going to argue with the teacher

Fuck AI. If I want a bad cartoon pic I’ll do it myself.

I don’t know what Bad Bunny is saying but I feel it in my shoulders

As far as I’m concerned what happened to Illhan was a HATE CRIME! Everyone on Illhan’s security detail needs to be FIRED! He could have killed her and they aren’t moving fast enough!

He almost ate a knuckle sandwich for dinner

I’m snowed in at work playing “whites only” Guess Who

One viral jingle please

I guess I do think if you participated in the arrest of a five-year-old you are probably just fundamentally incompatible with society. That you are not a safe person for humanity to be around, generally

My hotel options near the job are $265 a night and $43 a night. Them buildings shouldn't even be on the same street lol

“My word!”🤣

I need all yall that dont speak spanish to learn a few words, real quick. pls RT "La Migra" - common slang for ICE "La Patrulla" - "The Patrol" "No digas nada" - "Say nothing." ¿Cómo te llamas? - "Whats your name?" "¿Quién quieres que llame?" - "Who do you want me to call?" Escondense - Hide

Lying just for the sake of it

The 4th Amendment needs a PR machine like the 1st and 2nd amendments have. ICE is kicking down doors without warrants or exceptions to the warrant requirement.

It used to mean they was off cheating

My old job would do this & then give us ink pens & shit instead of a bonus.

I’ve seen how Cam Newton types so this wasn’t surprising

Tony Romo just said he thinks whoever wins this game has a shot at going to the Super Bowl which is in fact how the postseason is structured

Where my band nerds at?

If see you stealing groceries I ain't seen shit

Look mama it's me

One more. The Bible says that 7 is the number of completion.

12YO girl signed up to do “stand up comedy” at the talent show. 13YO boy decided to heckle her. Teacher started to tell the boy to leave her alone, but the 12YO comedian said “no, no, let him go, this is the closest he’s ever going to get to having a conversation with a girl.”

Lyfe Jennings makes music for relationships that should've ended 4 years ago.

Thank you, @charles270.bsky.social 😂😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂

Good.

I woke up from a nap at 6pm and thought it was like 11