i don’t want my appliances to be smart or connect to the internet. i want them to do one mechanical task for 100 years

Not ideal

I feel like we're reaching a nostalgia event horizon. Everything is still getting rebooted, sequel, and prequel-tized. What will happen when there is nothing left? When will there be no More existing IP to mine? People are starving for something new.

MAX DOWMAN. 16 YEARS OLD. ETCH THAT INTO EMIRATES HISTORY, ARSENAL HISTORY, PREMIER LEAGUE HISTORY!

Explaining to a toddler they’re going to spill and then they spill and naturally they’re mad at you about it is very much like Current Events

“Piracy is the most effective form of artistic distribution these days. So be it.” -Werner Herzog on NPR just now 🔥

Common Side Effects is a compelling series. Finally got around to checking it out.

GENIE: what is your wish ME: an ice cream cone from mcdonalds GENIE: sorry the machine is down

So far I’ve seen S1, S2, S7, S19, and S20. What series of Taskmaster should I watch next?

I fucking hate the American culture of entitled asshole selfishness. you see it everywhere. the driver assholes going 90 in a school zone. the assholes who don’t leash their dog or pick up their dog shit. the assholes who litter. the assholes who won’t vaccine their kids

This show is incredible. Please check it out if you haven’t already. A top 10 show of the 2020’s for me.

Woke up, let the dogs out and saw my neighbors house getting broken into. Absolutely wild start to the day.

Always loved forest

Theorizing can be fun. I also see people theorize themselves into a corner, imagining a completely different show w completely different characters from what's intended. Largely, I ignore this and make what I'm gonna make but, I hope people go into KOG with open minds bc (1/4)

Peeps who collect enamel pins, what's your preferred back attachment for them? Those little rubber ones, the spring clutch, or other? Do many people get magnet attachments?

I was Jim Carrey for three years and nobody gave a shit

Really strong Aqua Teen joke is when the mooninites offer Carl immortal life in exchange for cashing a check and he thinks about it for a few seconds and refuses stating "sometimes I wanna die."

Whenever I think of a fun new idea for a script and get excited about it, I’m immediately hit with this immense pressure to get it “out there” now. And a sinking sense of dread that someone else will make something similar before I can.

“Secret Mall Apartment” is less of the Bart Simpson style adventure I expected and more of a surprisingly sweet love letter to obscure artists and the act of making art for art’s sake.

The entire millennial identity is being prepared and groomed for a version of the world that stopped existing by the time we reached it we slammed into a horizon painted on a brick wall like fucking looney tunes

Saw a video from last night in Austin where a confused self-driving Waymo was turned sideways blocking traffic and preventing an EMS vehicle from getting to the shooting victims. What a dumb time we live in.

once again reminding everyone to funnel your emotions into organizing and building solidarity in your community and not pointless doomscrolling

From Hunter S. Thompson’s ESPN page 2 column one week after 9/11.

Me with a boot on my neck, a gun barrel pointed at the base of my skull: "I assure you I will be notifying my elected representative about this!"

The purpose of this website is to help unburden your brain by releasing horrible sentences that live in there like demons

I combined all of my comedy shows onto one feed and honestly I don’t know if it was a good idea or not, but now I’m stuck with it. If anyone is looking for: Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason Christmas Diner or The One Stars …they can all be found on our new consolidated feed called STITCHES.

Imagine a world where children are never encouraged to draw or write or imagine stories, they are only told to consume and prompt and generate, poking the Approved Intellectual Property Characters with a stick to dance for them, but never having characters or worlds or stories of their own.

Last night I watched two different Youtube videos that were objectively wrong - which I knew because I had been present at the events in question - and it really highlights the old saying: The more I read online about things I'm an expert in, the less I trust anything I read on the internet at all.

Being a solo creator is tough bc if I get burnt out or sick or busy with personal life, everything comes to a screeching halt. There’s no one else to answer emails or edit audio or help keep this thing afloat. I have more stories I’d love to write, but so little motivation atm. How do y’all do it?

Due to everything, I will not be doing anything at this time

INVENTOR OF AI: what if everything was stupid

Theories and "expectations" have had a nasty impact on culture. They just set people up to get mad when the story the artist tells doesn't line up with whatever people imagined based off "patterns" that don't really mean anything. Wait for the end, enjoy the ride, and let a story be what it is.

I'm high. Here's a centaur ghost.

This is definitely going to kill one CEO so thank you Nike

I have decided to become incredibly wise

People be like "ah I looked in the tome of eldritch madness and I went eldritch mad can you believe it here look" HEY IDIOT STOP LOOKING IN THE TOME.

america could be such a cool fucking place if we’d just let it be

Saw some of the original script notes for Tommy Boy today.

Breaking: Tragedy at the Winter Olympics

JD Vance Booed for Sleep (10 Hours, No Ads)

We’ve never been more back

The RSS Feed for “The One Stars” will be shut down tonight to prepare for the show’s re-release on the STITCHES feed this month. If you enjoyed my comedy writing in “Two Flat Earthers” or “Christmas Diner” then you’ll probably enjoy The One Stars. Subscribe to STITCHES wherever you get your pods.

People in the Arts Use Public Domain Materials for Something Other Than "Thing That Was Cute -- now it's SCARY!" Challenge

Catherine O'Hara is as much of a "good in absolutely everything, no matter how good the thing itself was" actor as Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Genuinely might have to change the title of my podcast because Spotify keeps incorrectly actioning “Someone Just Like You” because a romance novel has a similar title of “Someone Like You.” wtf