Got in on the waitlist and snagged a pic and the coolest pin! Catch a live show to get one then get the new album that you haven't listened to yet bc you knew you were gonna see the show!

You: please act normal you need these people to like you Me: ok! People: hi Me: First, foremost, utterly, and with no room for negotiation, the Squirrel as a forest creature is perfect in every way. What little rampaging they do, they pay back to the system tenfold in their scatter-hoarding.

what on earth? this gives me hope the people that created earth day and sesame street (or their grandchildren) are SOMEWHERE in our federal system.

i don’t see that much cool hotel art. this was cool! one show tonight- one tomorrow- san diego. jackiekashian.com

A.) I remember those clear plastic “layers of human” pages in the World Books B.) “Garage strip poker” made me giggle

ICE is moving forward with its plans to convert commercial warehouses into mass detention camps which may become the largest prisons in the entire country. Initially, ICE planned to open the first one by now. That never happened. Now they’re targeting early next year.

it’s pretty great to watch taco knobjob suck on china’s dick to get their backing against saudi arabia. end of empire indeed. granted, i never wanted empire - but i did want the ideals of the declaration of independence and the best parts of the constitution. ah well. we will carry on.

this story about my stepmother might have just become part of my set. just needs a couple punchlines:) - storytelling show 15odd years ago

this will be fun

NEW EPISODE! Our princesses shop around the Night Market and attempt to find all that they require, and hopefully get the chorus to stop singing so the night can end. ft. @superdillin.bsky.social @thecandacemarie.bsky.social @ameliasom.com @jackiekashian.bsky.social @oneshotrpg.bsky.social 🔗⬇️

This is from a set at JFL IN 2003 Before “Obamacare.” Well thanks Obama for making this joke about my dad moot. I said MOOT!

Welcome to the One Shot podcast Jackie Kashian it's SO nice to meet you thank you for not immediately leaving

Comedian & podcaster Jackie Kashian helps us answer a question from a man wondering if he should reciprocate interest in a woman 30 years his junior who has made her attraction to him apparent (or so he says). We had MANY thoughts, but what are some of yours? Out tomorrow Savage.Love/Lovecast

try not to ride public transportation naked with money taped to your ass screaming “what’s gonna happen?” And you should be fine

Futures open in an hour

Happy Mother’s Day to people who believe motherhood should be a choice and not a punishment.

The website for the expo includes a reference to Gush Etzion, a cluster of some 20 settlements in the West Bank, southeast of Jerusalem, that are considered illegal under international law.

100%. And beyond her housing efforts (which are REMARKABLE, I might add) she did 3 things for the life of the city as a whole that no one seems to give her credit for. 1.) PRIOR to the fires, she had a STANDING POLICY to keep four Fire Dept helicopters with water drop capabilities fully loaded.

@jackiekashian.bsky.social Thought you would like this, great for my fundraising bake sales. Thank you for all you do Jackie for our immigrant neighbors. Oxnard/Ventura has a huge immigrant labor force out here due to all of our agriculture and they are being terrorized. Like you, we’re mad as hell.

LA here: Karen Bass is the first mayor in 6 or 15 (depending on sources) YEARS to have a drop in numbers of unhoused. She used the state money for hotels and apartments. It’s 2% to 4% (again sourced vary) and there has been some recidivism. But damn. I asked Andy why people hated her so much and

tonight may 9 9:30pm headlining set at flappers. see some of the alter-kashian material and 20 new min! i win if you come. jackiekashian.com/tour-dates #burbank #flappers #laurahouse

yeah. this guy has had it real hard

A most funny person

my first special - 2014 - 3rd album of same name - is back on my youtube. enjoy youtu.be/wJWVCf9axHU?...

Activists are suing the LA Police Department over its partnership with surveillance company Flock Safety, accusing the department of hiding public records tied to the camera network. Various organizations gathered outside LAPD headquarters demanding more transparency.

alter kashian is playing everywhere and the videos up on YouTube and you should watch it and then come and see me do the rest of this joke or entirely new jokes on the road and here

updated jackiekashian.com tour page. not the vid page. gotta put horcrux & staykashian back up (they’re down for now) but live dates updated. headlining Burbank Sat 930pm at flappers after Leno’s show. Game stores in Burbank & Oakland. Doing Montana & back to Oregon-then Minneapolis home club. amen.

@jackiekashian.bsky.social I’m guessing this is the first time this guy has ever been disappointed?

Jury is still out on Pepsi the drink vs Pepsiman the game. It's weird that two soft drinks got video games, and they went two very different directions with it.

Cool Spot as a video game was better than 7 Up as a drink has ever been

Troy Walker and GoldenEye Walkthrough - EP 872 @troywalker is a great comic with a new album ESQUIRE. He also walks me through the ol’ Goldeneye with a reverence that almost fills the hour. Then we talk other video games. Heh. Enjoy. dorkforest.com and everywhere normal

bunkers are where dictators kill themselves. step one - build bunker

I never do remember what i say on podcasts. luckily, while i can be thoughtless in my words occasionally-and have to apologize sometimes.. im not a monster in my randomness. Worth the work folks.

We have so many wonderful voices in this episode, soothingly reading you the Constitution, reminding you that we have a Constitution and it matters. I had to take two screenshots of the names involved in order to list them all.

at the improv tonite w roast comics as the rest of the lineup and i said “i am the nicest person yer gonna see tonight and im not that nice.” im headlining next saturday at flappers 9:30pm. laura house is opening so it will be a banger. www.eventbrite.com/e/jackie-kas... come & bring 120 people

⚠️⚠️⚠️ **NEVER FORGET: TRUMP RAPED LITTLE KIDS AND COVERED UP THE EPSTEIN FILES!** ⚠️⚠️⚠️ This is a truth that needs to be shouted from the rooftops! 🔊💔 Stay aware, stay informed, and keep the conversation going! 🗣️✨

heh… please do

Just got added to this benefit gig which is on Zoom in less than an hour. Ludicrously stacked line-up for a great cause. Join! w/ @jackiekashian.bsky.social @anylaurie16.bsky.social @debradigi.bsky.social @cristela.bsky.social @mariabamford.bsky.social & more

i read some constitution here maximumfun.org/episodes/sle...

Sleeping with Celebrities thinks a reminder of the underpinnings of American democracy could help you relax or sleep. Here's THE ENTIRE U.S. CONSTITUTION read aloud by 44 PEOPLE including stars of NPR, comedy, music, and Maximum Fun. THIS TOOK SO LONG TO MAKE. Enjoy! maximumfun.org/episodes/sle...

zoom standup benefitting those who should just be AT home saving up for a PS6 - @anylaurie16 and i cohost an epic online show w @debradg @cristela9 @mariabamfordcomedy @kyleclarkisrad @thefunnycarmen 7pm wednesday night PACIFC TIME- do the maths.

@jackiekashian.bsky.social Bees!

found it www.instagram.com/reel/C0wwtJU...

i don’t know who said it but “women are not a machine you put kindness tokens into and sex comes out.” but i was nice to you! is my least favorite dude thing said out loud by men i still hang out with

i’d like Wayfair to realize that I don’t need furniture often enough to find out about deals every three or four days.

nice work

I would still “LOKE” that. Like/Love typo i just made up.

heh “Men love to be forgiven. It makes us feel better about our inability to learn from our mistakes.” Lisa Kleypas romance novel. Daaaamn.

"No place for violence in democracy," say the people who murdered & kidnapped & bankrupted my neighbors. "No place for violence in democracy," say the people who continue to close off non-violent options for change. "No place for violence in democracy," say the people enacting 99% of the violence.