I was gonna get my lady one of those kitchenaid stand mixers and frankly, WT actual F. Some of them joints were $800!!! But what was breaking my brain was, I couldn’t figure out why some were $800 vs $400 other than looks.

2026: is it a skit? And is it AI? 2 important questions

I forgot I was supposed to be cooking dinner tonight and I have smoked entirely too much weed. 😅😅😅

Just ordered a foldable workout bench for my office. Doing DB bench presses off the ground just feels so raggedy.

Every year I have to watch a YouTube tutorial on how to wrap presents. My brain just refuses to retain that information.

I hate how much I enjoyed this BIG NERD DESIGN ENERGY 🫦

The gross truth abt cream pies that no one wants to talk about, is how even after you've long cleaned up... sometimes the pussior wants to hold the nut hostage, then waits til the most inopportune moment to randomly release it. Now you looking like

FREE HIM SO HE CAN FIX IT

Incredible game. Spurs are dangerous

If I could sing like him, I would literally never shut up.

De’aaron Fox’s head is shaped like his mama made him wear a durag as a baby. #nbacup

Installed some extra barriers to my golf simulator setup only to find out from YouTube that I ain’t install the side barriers correctly after I’d run outta sunlight 😅. Ordered a foam pad to go under the turf because that concrete was killing my joints. I also need to get a weather cover for it.

The people who named it "Tar-zhay" are the people you threw under the bus, you absolute fucking losers.

“What y’all call money, I pay more in taxes”

A “deductible” is when the insurance company deducts even more money out of your paycheck than the usual amount

Done with Christmas shopping for the wife. Just gotta wrap two things then I can relax. I went way over budget though 😅

You just typed this because it was free.

I brought the driving range to the crib! I’ve always wanted a simulator. Finally got one.

Our chief data officer has been pushing us to use AI in our work for about a year now. Now I just got a company email that our company is investing in OpenAI.😒😒😒

The way Penske Media publications are locking Sinners out of their Best of 2025 lists is white supremacist bullshit Oh you didn’t know Variety and Rolling Stone answer to the same master? Now you do

45 of 46 presidents would be impeached over this in a matter of hours. I know we hear it every fucking day, but it needs to be said every fucking day.

I feel like I’m destined to be rich. I’m just not willing to exploit others to get there. Which is why I need to hit the lotto!

I hate when the lotto jackpot be hella high around Christmas. I be wishing my life could turn into a hallmark movie. 😔

I got so much Christmas shopping to do this weekend. Thank god there ain’t no football I care about on tv. Chiefs bout eliminated from the playoffs and my fantasy team too.

And THIS was always the problem with loan forgiveness through EO. What Biden did was his best option to fulfill a pledge, but to all the folks in Congress who said versions of “Today would be a great day to cancel student loan debt,”…

I think I’m gonna get my golf simulator set up tomorrow. I gotta get some sandbags from Home Depot but I wonder if there’s a better alternative. I’m gonna have to move the hitting net when we have BBQs and I don’t want sand getting everywhere

Patients. Are. Not. Consumers. Consumers choose to buy, patients have no choice because they are *sick*. You utter fucking ghoul.

Counterpoint: Things people need to live should not be priced and sold on the open market.

I’m handy in the same way I can cook. I can successfully follow a recipe 90%+ of the time but it’s gonna take me a long time, I probably won’t enjoy doing it, and I’ll make a big mess in the process.

My wife wants me to hang all the artwork in the house. It’s like 20 pieces! And absolutely-fucking-lutely not! It’s gonna take me way too long and stress me tf out. I told her I will hire someone and she can stress them out not me.

Man, I’ve been so busy that I forgot to smoke weed today. But I was super productive. Even installed a video doorbell. It works but it’s slightly crooked. But hey I’m a data scientist, I’m not handy😅

The coach got CTE???

They're not a good example. She sacrificed her voice

I will not be voting for anybody who is not on fire and brimstone and doing these gnggas up The Chicago Way!! I dont want to see no sniggling and giggling with that orange fuck nor hear no bullshit about welcoming bigots back.

needless to say this is a sick way for a man to talk about his employee, let alone one who is more than 50 years younger than him

I just hate that y’all work on making the same exact statements maga does. Where do you think this “the dems” bullshit came from. You’re being used. It’s working.

Heh.😂

I have been working entirely too hard at work. It’s December let’s worry about all this shit in 2026! Enemies

Misogyny and racism put people's safety at risk and don't lower the cost of living for anyone. Every Trump rally is a Klan rally.

Oh that's not--

Vince Staples went on Ziwe?? I feel like this is gonna be insane. They are both elite deadpan joke tellers. It’s gonna be uncomfortable🤣

The problem with ice cream sandwiches is you HAVE to eat two at a time. It’s in the instructions on the box.

My problem is I wake up every day and order a new “side” Christmas gift for my wife. I still ain’t bought her main gift yet lol. I gotta be a secret agent because she nosy. And we share a budgeting app so I gotta figure out how to hide it on there too.

The people that disliked the Biden economy the most were the owner class. And it was precisely because of worker power and freedom to find other work. They won. The owners won in 2024.

when you're a size 8 but the 10 was on sale

Nothing pisses people off more than telling them I don’t have Larry Bird in my top 10. White men have everything already. I’m sure he is OK with not being in a strangers top 10. And to piss people off more I start naming players that are definitely not even in the top 10 discussion. 😅😭😅

The Weeknd just be making Fall Out Boy songs with a Michael Jackson glove on em, and y’all eat that shit up.

The people pushing for the elimination of birthright citizenship are currently committing atrocities against immigrants within our country's borders and murdering fishermen overseas. This cannot be ethically discussed as an abstract legal question. There is no law here, only a fascist will to power.

without birthright citizenship in the united states, you don't have a democracy and you don't have rule of law. revoking birthright citizenship gives fascists free rein to purge the country of literally anyone they don't like. it opens the door to atrocities and mass murder. i am not exaggerating.