Sean Leahy
@thepunningman.bsky.social
š¤ 2175
š„ 147
š 102
Call a Bondulance
pinned post!
"The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what? "Bond Name's the james" Are you alright? "Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"
about 1 year ago
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I tried to do an impression of a shrew giving a marshmallow a back rub.
8 days ago
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Sean Leahy
Moose Allain
3 months ago
I hope this ishmael finds you whale
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Combing donkeys is illegal. Sorry, I donāt rake the mules.
3 months ago
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Welcome to Bookbinding for Beginners, please make yourself a tome.
5 months ago
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Sean Leahy
soul nate
7 months ago
wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey? guard: [looking away] fine wife: did something happen? guard: [tearing up] no wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
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Just how Popey was the Pope today? (From the archives, 2015)
7 months ago
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Time to dust off an old classic I guessā¦
7 months ago
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Sean Leahy
Jorkin B Peanitson
8 months ago
but im a jeep im a vehicle what the hell am i doing here beep beep honk honk steer
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Sean Leahy
Steve Suckington
10 months ago
jesus christ just tell us if itās maybelline
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Hocus Pocus (1993) follows a villainous comedic trio of witches who are inadvertently resurrected by a teenage boy in Salem, Massachusetts on Halloween night.
10 months ago
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Sean Leahy
Glenn Moore
11 months ago
Funerals should have a bit where they ask the congregation to speak up if thereās any lawful reason why the dead person shouldnāt be buried
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Tony Slattery was an uncageable comic for whom Whose Line..? was built for. A true clown. What a talent.
11 months ago
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I owe my sandwich toaster a lot of money, but debtor the breville you know.
12 months ago
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Wife: What is this? Me: [covered head to toe in ketchup] Santa Sauce is coming to town Wife: Sean, we've talked about this Me: Happy hollandaise Wife: You promised Me: [shouting at the car as she drives away] ā¦AND MAYO YOUR CHRISTMASES BE Wā
12 months ago
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Me: Janetās boyfriend reminds me of Gandhi Wife: He looks nothing like him Janetās bf: [tapping on car window] Donāt forget about Gandhi
12 months ago
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Sean Leahy
weeder
over 1 year ago
Getting fired in the Open Office Geodesic Dome, the Hurt Yurt, the Fear Sphere, the Dodecadownsizer
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The police said Iād be locked up if Iām caught stealing kitchen utensils again, but Iām willing to take the whisk.
12 months ago
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Father Christmas isnāt particularly handsome in rainy weather⦠But heās dashing through the snow.
12 months ago
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Enid Blyton knew
12 months ago
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Back in 2015 I asked my then 3 year old daughter to guess the names of old wrestlers.
12 months ago
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Sean Leahy
Stephen Collins
about 1 year ago
Excruciating barber experience please I sold out of this print a while back, wish I'd made more. I think barbers must have been buying it lol
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[hunting] āIn order to attract the stag, Iāll perform the special callā [clears throat, cups hands round mouth] āGET OVER HERE, ANTLER JERKā
about 1 year ago
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Hey baby, I hear the blues a-callinā
about 1 year ago
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Waiter: āGood evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?ā Me: āYes pleaseā Waiter: [clears throat] āTHIS TOWN, AHH AHHH, IS COMINā LIKE A GHOST TOWNā
about 1 year ago
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[murder scene] Detective: āSo the victim drowned?ā Cop: āAfter suffering a blow to the headā Detective: āWhatās he doing?ā Me: [trying to draw chalk outline on the river]
about 1 year ago
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Boss: Isnāt your new job kind of a [stifling laughter] sideways move? Crab: [to HR person] See, this is what Iām talking about.
about 1 year ago
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Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes canāt live on salad, Eleanor
about 1 year ago
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Sean Leahy
slate
about 1 year ago
optimus prime: did she just wink at me? me: i think sheās turning left
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Sean Leahy
Olaf Falafel
about 1 year ago
What do rock and roll pandas eat? A wop bop a loo bop a wop bamboo
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āWhatās this thing?ā I call it a āknifeā āWow, thatās the best thing since bread!ā Gregory, I am about to blow your mind
about 1 year ago
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Dr: Thereās good news and bad news Me: Gimme the bad Dr: We have to amputate both your legs Me: [sobbing] Are you⦠wearing my crocs? Dr: I see youāve heard the good news
about 1 year ago
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Every morning I watch a beautiful naked woman across the street with my telescope. [clenches fist] And one day I'll get that telescope back.
about 1 year ago
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Sean Leahy
Glenn Moore
about 1 year ago
Nice holy infant you got there. Would be a real shame if someone were to make itā¦tender and mild
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I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions
about 1 year ago
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To the tune of āFollow the Yellow Brick Roadā:
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 year ago
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[Playing a game of Scrabble against God] God: [puts PLATYPUS] Peter: That's not a word God: Yea it is Peter: What is it then? God: Itās um⦠[rummaging through a box of animal offcuts] it's aā¦
about 1 year ago
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"The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what? "Bond Name's the james" Are you alright? "Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"
about 1 year ago
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It has been pointed out that today marks the tenth anniversary of the Bondulance tweet. Somebody call one, for I am crumbling into dust.
about 1 year ago
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Me: Iām sorry, my son spilled his drink Waiter: No problem, Iāll just get you another one Me: [grabbing his arm] Make sure this one likes sports
about 1 year ago
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Sean Leahy
Michael Spicer
about 1 year ago
Job interview tip: Remember, every question is a test so when they say "How are you?" reply "Goal orientated, thank you."
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Overheard my therapist say she had some Country Living past issues in her office, but I can't find any.
about 1 year ago
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[my wife, violently shaking me] āYou idiot, you drank the liquid from the magic 8 ball again, didn't you?ā [my eyes roll back in my head and read: āMOST LIKELYā]
about 1 year ago
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Date: So⦠[twirling hair] What's your favourite place to have sex? Me: [checking textbook hidden behind my menu] I'd have to say the vagina
about 1 year ago
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Sean Leahy
Glennyrodge
about 1 year ago
Music FACT: Jools Holland's real name is Jewellery The Netherlands.
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Do you really: āļø like it ā¬ļø hate it ā¬ļø not fussed Is it, is it: ā¬ļø well behaved āļø wicked ā¬ļø neither We're: āļø lovin' it āļø lovin' it āļø lovin' it We're: ā¬ļø not that into it, tbh ā¬ļø indifferent āļø lovin' it like that
about 1 year ago
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Me: Am I making you saturated? My wife: I wish I'd never bought you that thesaurus
about 1 year ago
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Sean Leahy
'i will strangle a horse' on itch.io
about 1 year ago
Just taken a polaroid of some dead sheep. Mourn ewes as it develops.
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Updated Reindeer names for 2024: Dasher Demure Sigma Cutesy Bussin Mindful Brainrot Bestie Rawdog the Rizz-Nosed Reindeer
about 1 year ago
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Sean Leahy
Olaf Falafel
about 1 year ago
My favourite insult
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Sean Leahy
brent
over 2 years ago
[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
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