philes even!

should’ve invested in black rectangles and squares

blame it all on my roots, GOP licks my boots

Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke

trump’s desk was an inch taller than usual at this moment

i don’t think anyone has a 2025 bingo card, why do they keep saying this?

those presidents SUCKED and they FUCKED!

i don’t care who you are, it feels good to fart on a car

white house has joined bluesky click here to block all official us government accounts instantly bsky.app/profile/did:...

don’t like imagining this guy slipping tongue

I love my curvy AI wife!

i don’t need tilly norwood, i see a virgin on screen everyday. my monitor is off

it started on an escalator and could’ve ended on one

martyr? more like fartyr

according to the other site, the greatest man in the world died today

drifting off to the soothing sound of booing, like rain on a tin roof

Seen out and about in Chicago.

calm down people, trump’s been busy watching the labor day weekend gorilla channel marathon

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. filling an IV bag from a murky puddle near Trump National's sixth tee. "The president needs parameciums," he tells the assembled media. "It's the only treatment proven to work in real testing." His golf cart is piled high with dozens of dead birds.

grim reaper can’t decide who’s first, all so tempting

who wants to come over for some lindell and chill

bases are loaded. we got a triple on deck

Rudy Giuliani couldn’t bear to go on after the death of beloved spouse.

my fred trump poked his head between two posts on the stairs and can’t pull it out. please help

I DIED! Thank you for your ATTENTION to this matter.

An embarrassing memory: my first girlfriend and I were pretty inexperienced, which lead to a confusing moment the first time we were intimate because she had never seen a dicknail before. Had to pause and explain that it was normal and some guys don’t have them removed. We need better sex ed

I actually tried the food there too and well… yea.

Pretty great encapsulation of modern tech. Reinvent a "high-tech" version of a thing that already exists. Something shaped similarly that vaguely looks and acts like that thing, and then remove all the stuff that people actually like about it and sell it to people at a higher price.

i love when my robot dog has an oil leak on the carpet

when they close it all up, I do believe this will go down as the funniest video on the internet

remember when we went to war with iran for a couple of days?

Epsteinghazi ain’t going away!

i am threatening 50% tariffs on the bee that just flew into my shirt

US Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has announced she will sue anyone who continues to call her by her childhood nickname “Li’l Bag of Rats”

This is obviously ridiculous but it is kind of bleakly funny that this advice more or less has the same beats as advice about what to do if you encounter a bear in the woods, just in terms of the unknowability of the other party. "Make yourself appear larger and the cop will usually run away."

At the ICE raid and subsequent community resistance in Paramount, California this morning, this skater kid ate dozens of munitions from Border Patrol agents, walked away slowly and flipped them off.

ME: Give it to me straight doc. Is the tumor malignant? MY ONCOLOGIST WHO THE INSURANCE COMPANY REPLACED WITH AI: Regarding White genocide,

All I know is that I better fucking get my usual 30 dolls for Christmas

i don’t think i’ll live long enough to piss on all the graves that will need to be pissed on

So you’re saying we could solve all the financial problems of 379 million of us and impact just 19 households. What an interesting fact. Fun little bit of trivia.