"Imagine, if you will, a man who is so desperate for the feeling of a woman that he invents a pocket pussy... But what happens when it gains sentience? Such an ethical dilemma is up next, on... ...The Fleshlight Zone"

When the local asshole loses his dog but you still share his missing dog post

look at this photograph. every time i do it makes me laugh.

Elon Musk: *is a cunt* Mark Zuckerberg: "Hold my beer"

Saw Nosferatu... Definitely sags in parts pacing wise but overall very good. Bill Skarsgard kills it as Count Orloc. Although is it me or does his version look like Mr Bobinski from Coraline?

Breaking: You Forget Yourself, Viscount! theonion.com/breaking-you...

POV: The Sonic 3 writers deciding that Robotnik should straight up murder his grandad out of nowhere

Temu Warehouse Burns To The Ground Costing Tens Of Euros In Damage

Why is Paddington in Peru a better Uncharted film then the actual Uncharted film

Happy New Years followers! Hopefully I've been able to make you laugh and have a good time. Lucky to meet some great people on here, and even some people who while I don't agree with everything they say, I still have a massive amount of respect for. Y'all are legends. Roll on 2025 suckahs 😎

I do 🥺

Rule of Rose

I offered my 19 son a beer. He declined and went for a 🏃‍♂️ at 11:25pm. This calls for a paternity test.

Of course we had EVs when I was a kid

If you're looking for a sexy athlete, I've just pulled a muscle in my shoulder shaving my back.

Million dollar idea: A nightlight that gently tazes your children if they get out of bed before 7am

Why fall in love when you can fall into a shark tank wearing a chum suit?

Britain Bans Puberty Blockers For Transgender Minors theonion.com/britain-bans...

Martin Pooper King, Jr

CANWEPRETENDTHATAIRPLANESINTHRNOITHTSKOY

Let's not ask for miracles

The definition of preaching to the converted lol

When you're dating someone who ticks all your boxes AND don't seem to mind your fatal flaws AND doesn't judge your past trauma

Tbh I always thought he'd be miles better as Lobo Also, can we take a moment to acknowledge Lobo's absolutely fucking dope backstory

The Under The Cherry Moon film is a pure Prince shitpost and I love it

I am constantly insulted on this platform

"Hello, I want the CBT sandwich please" "Don't you mean the BLT sandwic--" "Did I fucking stutter?"

ngl, kinda missing how chaotic, unhinged, dangerous and fun it was to tweet while under the influence at the other place, bsky sometimes feels like a country club with the same shitass cliques and rules, like someone about to drop a monocle in their tea cup

250kg deadlift anthem

If I’d won last night’s lottery I’d have given some money to Charity. Or if she wasn’t dancing tonight I’d give it to Destiny or Cinnabuns.

#1: finding happiness

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

WIFE: The neighbours are having a big Star Wars themed party. ME: A Boba Fete. HER: You're not invited.

It's true, the Ed Edd n Eddy theme song cures erectile dysfunction

Me: She captivated me with her thong Them: “Don’t you mean song?” Me:…no

Me as I'm violently thrown into the air by an 18 wheeler

Good morning everyone! (don’t look at the clock just trust me)

Dr Robotnik in Sonic 3 be like

weirdest kind of account on here lately is guy who is pretending to be woke for unclear purpose. like man there are wonders to engage with in the world. there are pretty good videogames out there too

When someone asks me a question I don't want to answer, I shout "internal server error!", slap them and then run away

IG wilding yet again

Sims 3 ass names

Well shit

Donnie Darko prequel