you’re going balls to the wall too much, the whole wall smells like balls

Happiest I’ve ever been to be sad and alone.

All my SpongeBob knowledge getting tested today. Been waiting my whole life to be ruthlessly quizzed by an autistic 11 year old.

tell Lucy she’s beautiful or I will hurt you

My niece said I could “hold Tiny if I wanted” and idk if I’m honored or terrified

We accept the love we think we deserve

Candy coma before 8:30 pm. Parenting done right. Happy Halloween 🎃 💤

I need to eat a hearty meal before I destroy my life.

Cruel irony is a knight in shining armor showing up to sweep you off your feet just to find out he’s a die hard republican.

I’m not in crisis. Crisis is in me.

lol my job trying to get me to come in using bully tactics. Guess what? I’m poor with or with out you.

@gypsican.bsky.social 🏌🏻‍♀️🏌🏻‍♀️

Dang, I’m living rent free in your head in THIS economy?!

The secret to looking young in your 30s is stunting your growth in high school with drugs.

We don’t send billionaire CEOs to gallows enough and it shows.

Sick of my dog lecturing me about bed time fr

My daughter turns 5 in 2 weeks. She has specifically requested this little boy from her class be invited to her party. She wants to dance to “Soda Pop” by the Saja boys with him 😭 (apparently he knows ALL the moves)

Too depressed to undress

AHHH!! Rufus returns 😱🫠 #spooky

ATTN: we’ve finally escaped. The corn nearly claimed our souls 🌽🔪👻

You heard it here first folks, we’re not gonna get to retire. Be lazy now.

Haven’t heard from papa John lately

Karen is a masculine name imo

Feeling like moving into an abandoned, haunted, remote house and being possessed by its demons

I posted this and life had proceeded to fuck me ever since

Young thug sold his soul while he was in there. RIP. Remember him as he was, not as he is 🙏

Can we just give the influencers their own internet? But not tell them 🤫

POV: You’re @gypsican.bsky.social receiving your dose of my bullshit

Trying to remember if I ate the red pill or the blue pill

Crack me like a crab claw daddy

I thought the rapture happened in 2012 and this was hell. So, I’m pretty out of loop.

Thought I’d feel free when my kid started pre-school. Turns out - I’m a mom to my core and I’m lonely with out my buddy

Sometimes I forget not all nuggets are dinosaur shaped.

If they make an example of cutie mcshootie we will start a riot. Right?

Baseball games are really driving the internet lately

They profit on our hunger, illness, and fear then call us entitled and lazy.

McDonald’s ice cream machines work all the time now, but at what cost? $2.39 for a vanilla cone that’s the damn cost.

My daughter found out my boss is a man and she is genuinely confused. She literally doesn’t see men in charge at all in her life 😭😅

McDonald’s ice cream machines work all the time now, but at what cost? $2.39 for a vanilla cone that’s the damn cost.

My daughter wants to play “Guess the fruit” for her birthday. A fruit is put in a box and you reach your hands in while blindfolded and try to guess the fruit. She seems to have invented this game all on her own?

I can’t believe this timeline is real. WHO IS HOSTING THIS INTERGALACTIC REALITY SHOW

How dare you bring code red into my home. Have you no consideration for my skin and biome?

get in loser, more horror awaits us

If I had a world of my own, 90% of yall wouldnt make the cut 😬

I can’t believe this timeline is real. WHO IS HOSTING THIS INTERGALACTIC REALITY SHOW

‘The Town’ on SyFy? OK, if you insist…

aliens were real but Dracula killed and ate them all sorry