And a can of Canada dry and I'd be immortal 👀

The Villain's astrology app: Me: No.

🤣🤌🏽

I miss black market weed. You almost never ended up fetal and praying for sobriety.

In case anyone was wondering, watching Joffery die is still spectacularly satisfying. 12 stars

Okay those gingerbread ice cream sandwiches might have to happen

This is so on-brand for this country. 🤦🏽‍♀️ It's 'farse' when they don't know they're funny, right?

What is whiteness if not a resource-depleting plagiarism robot?

The right's obsession with SNAP recipients buying popsicles is a modern version of a centuries-old tradition of scolding the poor for what they eat. It mimics verbatim Victorian complaints about the poor indulging in tea and sugar, mistaking consumption as a cause of poverty instead of a symptom.

I got this useful bon mot from a middle school teacher recently. In response to, “I DONT UNDERSTAND,” he calmly said, “okay what steps have you taken to understand?” And that’s when I realized that a lot of folks have no steps.

Heavy mixed feelings because, I'm a Portland native, and that **** had it coming. But also, 10/10 no notes

Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage

Oh for the love of Sharing, since I just googled these so I could leave angry voicemails telling these motherfuckers to hold the line Schumer's DC office number: 202-224-6542 Gillibrand's DC office number: (202) 224-4451

I don't know maybe it's just me but it seems like kind of a stretch to reopen the government on the basis of a pinky swear from people who LIE ALL THE FUCKING TIME ABOUT EVERYTHING

agreeing to make a terrible deal while your main opponent is quite literally being boo'd on live tv by an entire stadium of people is the kind of political instinct you'd normally only find in a 3 week old dead goldfish

Loving today's news that the mysterious "fedora man" outside the Louvre heist was actually a 15-year-old museum visitor who dresses like a 1940s French detective all the time, just because. apnews.com/article/louv...

And it was *the* model for all polycules everywhere.

YO! They're rebooting the Gap Game!

Hardest facepalm ever

What's the phrase? "Nero Fiddled, while Rome Burned" Something like that at least.

Skskkskskkskkksksksks

Frogs, Whistles, & Sandwiches. I hope each state takes on official resistance banners.

Rewatching Game of Thrones ('tis the season) and I'm reminded that a cello is absolutely a heavy metal instrument.

The truly maddening thing is that, unlike when I was a young man in science and the materials and engineering just weren’t there yet, the future is *right there.* The problem is *solved*. What’s holding us back is not just greed, but this bizarre nostalgia, an obsession with petro- masculinity.

This is how Trump feels about America you starving... he watching

Snoooooooort

*sandwich hits federal agent in the chest* Narrator: “Subway. Yeet fresh.”

i’d say “king shit” but this level of petty feels more befitting a queen

Low Skilled Workers Are a Myth. “[Minimum wage jobs] are not low-skill. They simply require different skills, ones that not just anyone possesses.” (via @tressiemcphd.bsky.social) [dailytarheel.com]

If sandwich shops don’t start offering a sandwich named “the acquittal” then what are we even doing

If the sandwich don’t split, you must acquit

shitfaced jamaal bowman saying this is so fuckin funny i feel so seen right now

Food insecurity is ALWAYS a political choice. Famine is ALWAYS manmade. People go hungry because of other people’s decisions. We have more than enough food for everyone, and enormous amounts of it are wasted—literally thrown in the garbage—on purpose.

If you said you were going to leave NYC if Mamdani won, flights need to be booked tonight! Throw your pager out the window. Tell MCI to cut the phone poles. Break your lease so you can move.

live view from cuomo hq

Still waiting for the live cam of all the billionnaires packing up their NYC apartments to move to Ohio

Next week's @newyorker.com cover. www.newyorker.com/culture/cove...

Finally, a politician I can cougar.

Cheney was so evil that him dying actually lifted a curse

The international Petty Anthem does seem appropriate.

I keep thinking about Zohran on some podcast being like “these billionaires are spending more money to defeat me than I would tax them” lmfao

Astoria's Zohran watch party is so over packed that the backup bar (also a huge beer garden) is now full and virtually every bar in the neighborhood is reportedly filling fast

i can’t believe a good thing happened we should do this more often

🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽

Mamdani has won more votes than the entire population of any of the 5 smallest states.

big question of the night: why didnt NYC like the billionaire backed groper who killed their grandparents