He shot her and then called her a fucking bitch and if he doesn't have DV in his history I will eat this phone I am typing on right now

It is such absolute bullshit that in the midst of all this we still have to think about what to have for fucking dinner

*tapping Congress* Uh, is this thing on?

it’s almost as if we should have taken the whole grab ‘em by the p*ssy thing a bit more seriously

@amiberger.bsky.social What if we’re Corn and we have met our Moriarity?

tfw the president is trying to do an insurrection (again) to keep us from finding out that he's a rapist (again)

quiet piggy, we know you have no idea what "seditious" means

Them: An English degree? You’ll never get a job Also them, panicking, at every fucking job I’ve ever had: OMG OMG OMG CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WRITE THIS

Fixed it

@amiberger.bsky.social What if you took A SINGLE GODDAMN NIGHT FOR YOURSELF PLEASE GO ASK YOUR FATHER FOR A SNACK.

Interrupting your regularly-scheduled snark to say that if you are a survivor of SA, please take care of yourself on social media (and elsewhere) while these Epstein emails are being dumped. I can’t even imagine how triggering some of this stuff must be.

@amiberger.bsky.social What if Gumbus is what Daphne Guinness thinks she is?

or--and stay with me here--we could have just believed the women

@amiberger.bsky.social What if you’re a holidayderp?

3 week old dead goldfish: HEY NOW

I don't know maybe it's just me but it seems like kind of a stretch to reopen the government on the basis of a pinky swear from people who LIE ALL THE FUCKING TIME ABOUT EVERYTHING

but what was the workplace wearing

Ladies can we ruin Christian nationalism next

the New York Times changed the headline of Douthat's stupid op/ed again and now it's just called LOOK WE HATE WOMEN OKAY

Good morning to everyone who- You know what? Good morning. IT’S A GODDAMN GOOD MORNING.

it turns out that Americans don't really like having shit dumped on their heads

maybe George W. Bush will come out of hiding now

the absolute fuckery of adding ANOTHER hour to 2025 whew

Fearless!

@quinncy.bsky.social what if I celebrated Halloween by going to a cat cafe and petting an absolutely terrifying and homicidal orange derp named Leroy

@amiberger.bsky.social Honestly, I’d watch these.

if you’re making it easier for someone to get an AR-15 and measles and harder to get food and healthcare you’re on the wrong fucking side

stop defending nazi tattoos challenge

bunker and Argentina wait I’ve heard this one before

Soooooooo is there anything stopping him from keeping the government shut down permanently asking for a crumbling democracy

many thanks to the non-American press for actually doing journalism on our national nightmare

absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking how those pictures of the White House being bulldozed really made it real for folks

destroying our institutions literally and figuratively

the Louvre Heist Discourse is hilarious because it's like 1% oh no how awful and 99% honestly that's pretty fucking badass nice work fellas

wait did he think it was the Nobel Feces Prize

writing is hard the end

The craziest thing about that video of Trump dumping shit out of a fighter jet is that the federal government is still shut down and they still haven’t released the Epstein files

These three things are true: 1. You should go to the rally. 2. You should practice good opsec just in case—even if you're a bunch of retirees milling about in a parking lot, it's good to practice. 3. You should talk to your neighbors and turn the energy into action that will carry past tomorrow.

I need Judy Blume to write a sequel called Are You There God It’s Me Margaret In Perimenopause And Seriously What The Fuck

@amiberger.bsky.social Gumbus gets it.

if not neck vagina then why neck vagina shaped

excuse me while I crumble into dust and blow away like an ancient tumbleweed made of Actually Normal Back Then

the absolute heartbreak of finishing a book you’ll never get to read for the first time again

I am working on a piece of writing about stuff that happened during the early years of COVID and the way that is making me feel is a reminder of how much unresolved trauma we are all carrying around from those years and how that is a big part of *waves hands around* that we really don't talk about

History is only dangerous to those who WANT to repeat it

Me: well, nothing could be stupider today than RFK Jr gibbering on about circumcision causing autism Them: hold my beer *indicts Tish James*

Perimenopause or Fascism? Why I Want To Murder Everyone by Ami Berger

happy first day of the new SCOTUS term to all who like a healthy splash of despair in their coffee

@amiberger.bsky.social What if Gumbus is relatable?

@amiberger.bsky.social What if we’re an orangederp who is starring in THE OUTSIDE(CAT)ERS?