National Trust sues to close barn door previously involved in historic horse escape

From “government has no business picking winners and losers in business” to “hooray for our corporate salesman president” in under two decades, and they say conservatives don’t believe in evolution

Throw in a few slurs and this is a pretty standard Delulu match in Fortnite

Keep this guy away from the cons, or god only knows what orgasmic tragedies could befall us all

Bobby now invites you to watch him throw a football over that mountain.

Joke’s on you, fascists; kids famously LOVE eating paste!

Take Off Log Out Drop Dead

Happy 76th Birthday, Tom Waits!

laissez les mal tetes rouler

In rememberance of computer Jesus, communion wafers will now be made of silicon

Finally got around to playing Stray and man oh man am I ever glad I didn’t know anything about it besides “you’re a cat.”

Hard sci makes for strong fi. Strong fi makes for good roman. Good roman makes for soft tasy. Soft tasy calls for hard sci

They need one of these where the Wojak is sucking off someone else’s brainwang

Scheduling two things at the same time, that’s one of the reasons so many people thought Bush was dumb

GIMME FUEL GIMME FIRE GIMME

When candy is “fun size” it should be fucking gigantic. The stuff that gets the label now is really more of a “responsible size.”

LGBTQIA+ is rebranding as LGBTQIA MAX

Knocks it down from a 3-way tie to a split decision between Big Trouble in Little China and Overboard

Sexy Mara Corday eye

I fear the ladies may end up overselling their interest in Rotta once they realize it could earn them this fine fellow’s friendship

Gotta say I’m a little disappointed that “you don’t care as much about genocide as me and the senate candidate with the Nazi genocide soldiers’ logo tattooed on his tit do” arguments are all over the Behind the Bastards subreddit, too

How long until we find out that wolf is, like, the Aryan animal guardian who devours all the mud-races at the end of time or whatever?

Finally: team Lisa

I want somebody who won’t bow and scrape for Lockheed-Martin, and that someone is the Blackwater mercenary!

It’s like the White House grew a tumor. Also, that ballroom looks like shit!

Never watched CBS’s “Watson” before but the fact that DOCTOR Watson doesn’t know how to expand a paper mask when he wears it doesn’t bode well for its attention to detail

My cousin has a guest-spot on FBI tonight doing slav-face and goddamn I just couldn’t be prouder

Cocoa, FL showed up again and this lady was a big hit

Episode I: The Fat Young Men-Tits Episode II: A Jack of the Bones Episode III: Re-Minge of the Slit

I hate goin to ppl house & they ceiling fan spinnin loose af. Btch is it safe n here

Talk about the purest distillation of a thing, holy shit. Real murdering Jesus and wearing his skin shit right here.

It came today, the day every child fears; today was the day my mother asked me, “what’s a groyper?”

“You used to be able to say anything” comedians never been more quiet in their lives

Remember how less than a decade ago the big campus crisis conservatives were pissing their pants over was students shutting down speaking engagements by nazi-sympathetic (or worse) personalities? I know conservatism and hypocrisy go together like PB&J but it’s still pretty galling.

You can tell this guy really loved Charlie by the way the tiny font adrift in a whole lot of blank paper evokes the Kirk-man’s facial proportions

“Now that this is just a useless white blob with juice spraying out of one side no one will ever be reminded of Charlie when they look upon it!”

The biggest irony about this whole fucked up situation is that everything conservatives said when they were assuming some trans lefty pulled the trigger about how the shooter’s murderous, anti-American ideology should be ripped out root and stem was ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

Holy shit, not even “please don’t put in the newspaper that I got mad,” he put “I didn’t get mad” in the paper himself!

Me when someone shows up at my house and puts my lost keys in my hand: “This was a historic investigation, I want to thank the president for all his support.”