It was not "domestic terrorism.” It was state sanctioned violence. A family will forever live with the pain caused by the admin's reckless and deadly actions. Abolishing ICE is not enough. They must be held accountable.

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

fun fact: while mark kelly was orbiting the planet inside some metal tubes connected by scaffolding moving at more than seventeen thousand miles per hour, pete hegseth was <checks notes> drunk.

honestly no more apt metaphor than our country annually celebrating dropping the ball.

thinking back to that wild decade when nye novelty sunglasses had two zeros right next to each other. what a glorious time.

ugh, new year’s eve. time to get assaulted by the baffling insanity of so-called “time zones”

You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store

my mom: [clearing her throat at the dinner table] i don’t know what sixty-seven means

oh boy now that christmas is over we can look forward to months and months of bitter cold winter

If the Grinch steals my Christmas I will lose my shit

while it might *appear* that the justice department is clumsily hiding trump’s close ties to epstein, what you need to consider is fuck you shut up.

Honestly, this Trump post is a posthumous badge of honor for Rob Reiner. Because if this is how Trump speaks about someone after their death, then they clearly did something right in their life.

remember folks when your family says it’s time to go around the table and say what you’re thankful for it’s totally valid to burst out laughing.

Imagine finding out immigrants aren’t the reason for everything that’s wrong with your life after all and you’re just a piece of shit

me: [at the theater, ringing a little bell for my butler, Chauncey, to bring me some popped corn] bully: who's doing that larger bully: hey that guy's got a fucking bell me: [frantically ringing bell]

this is actually the closest zohran can come to a frown.

The worst thing Pam Bondi can do in the Epstein case is move too quickly. by Merrick Garland

republicans frantically purchasing highlighters to keep track of which parts of the epstein files trump tells them not to believe.

PAUL MCCARTNEY: she was just 17, you know what I mean REPUBLICANS: make it 15 and then we can relate

trump once again brilliantly using his still undefeated legal tactic of “no shut up you are”

watching trump use the department of justice as his personal tool for propaganda and revenge and reminded for the one millionth time what a useless old asshole joe biden is. you had ONE FUCKING JOB.

i don’t think i’m ever gonna stop being surprised that that’s where bermuda is.

chuck schumer even LOOKS like he’s always actively folding.

Getting pretty tired of applying the phrase “THEY CANNOT BE THIS STUPID” to members of the party that’s supposed to be fighting for us.

me: [sitting on a straight flush] senate democrats: [shoving pit boss out of the way and crashing into the table scattering chips everywhere] HE FOLDS.

DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie] SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in

giuliani must be so relieved to be free from his luxurious lifestyle with no meaningful consequences and get back to a luxurious lifestyle with no consequences at all.

Chuck Schumer and Senate Democrats suppress the vote when they cave like this

don’t worry chuck schumer has a plan and that plan is to go back to his mansion and take a nap.

chuck schumer suddenly waking up and realizing it’s been a while since he capitulated

everyone enjoy your last day of halloween. tomorrow everything will go back to being just regular terrifying.

might actually be okay with trump wanting nuclear tests, given his documented inability to safely observe bright things.

me: [on deathbed] what the hell…is sorghum.

so we all get to use the ballroom right. on account of we paid for it and all.

Good news: living "forever" becomes increasingly attainable as the end draws near!

so mike johnson is a westworld robot right.

wait so if i smoke pot i can’t own a gun? oh no [takes enormous bong hit] oh noooooo<cough>

that video of mitch mcconnell is so sad. if that idiot hadn’t been next to him he could have hit the ground much harder.

mike johnson looks like a creepy doll

welp still haven’t been awarded a nobel prize guess i have no choice but to take it out on EVERYONE.

move over kyle rittenhouse there’s a new republican poster boy in town

in the clearing stands a boxer? bullshit boxers don’t go there.

where are the vantablack contact lenses. i want to look how i feel.

continually remembering how biden sat on his wrinkly old hands while merrick garland napped for four years because he was afraid he’d be accused of weaponizing the justice department.

closing my office door just to cry a little

there is no evidence that tylenol causes autism but there is a LOT of evidence that being born rich and unloved by your parents causes sociopathic narcissism.

so you’re saying the evangelist christians will disappear and the rest of us will be left behind without them? oh nooooo.

me: they cancelled jimmy kimmel. chuck schumer: oh no. me: yeah it- check schumer: i was gonna go on there to promote my book.

trump white house taking a strong stance against [checks notes] opposing fascism.

“there can be no UNITY with those who believe in facts, because up is down and left is right and if you disagree you’re a terrorist”