All I know about F1 came from watching the movie F1 so I’m expecting Aston Martin to bring on Michael Schumacher in a month or so and he’ll win the last race of the season

Yet another of the things we can mark on the line graph of shit that started with Reagan.

THREAD: I got laid off from NYMag/Vulture after 14 years. The family lost 75% of income + medical. Now mzs.press bookstore, once a side project. is do-or-die for Judith & I. I feel weird telling you this because others are doing much worse. But if you could like or share this, we'd be so grateful!

this is what happens in your mentions when you make a viral post

How is many saints of Newark not on HBO max

The first time I had a student with two moms, I thought I might end up answering questions for some of the other kids, and I did. Those conversations were “She has two moms? Oh! I have one mom. When are we going to the playground?”

Dreams can come true.

Can I call and get them to put me on this list?

Having some of the most thoroughly redacted thoughts of my life.

Hamas was hiding in there

They are really hitting water infrastructure

we're the only good cult

I will not vote for Newsom because he does not believe I deserve human rights. If it comes down to JD Vance vs Newsom, who are both rabidly transphobic & support ICE, I will vote for a third party candidate. Luckily Democrats have another 2 years to make sure we select a better, viable candidate!

IF Gavin Newsom is on a ballot THEN me and many others will refuse to vote for him THEREFORE instead of bitching at me and others like me YOU should take the *years* you have and make sure that doesn't happen if you actually fucking care BECAUSE my position is immutable

😤😤😤

Really fucking lame day on here, I think everyone is bummed about the weekend being an hour shorter. The only thing we’ve gotten all day is someone trying to get attention by saying she mutes wrestling fans.

Run back Daniel Craig as James Bond but this time he has to do it as Benoit Blanc

Remember how much better things were when those ducks were in our swimming pool? It’s been all downhill since those ducks left.

Also, if you create something with consciousness that makes you god

Tech bro oligarch: The AI is... real... sentient.... it's feeling real feelings... we must do everything we can to protect it and give it rights Also tech bro oligarch: Human females are basically cattle made to push out as many babies as possible, all of which I will neglect

Shit, let me try

As an unwilling connoisseur of agitprop, Iran really hit it out of the park with "we're fighting the Epstein Class that either rapes children or kills them"

presented without comment

They’re calling them the Indiana of college basketball

Subscribe to the patreon, listen to this episode, and then watch this fucking show. It can’t be spoiled. But if you don’t trust me, queue up episode 1 and FFWD to 44 minutes and watch Gordo talk about what he would have said if he would have been the first person to step on the moon.

It’s time

Fuck, this is me

I’m going to start a weekly hotdog counter. This week so far I’ve had 28 hotdogs.

Starting to get into The Menzingers and damn I really wish I had a mutual that was a really big fan. You know anyone @kschwenky.bsky.social?

If we put tobacco companies out of business then we could bring back cigarette ads

When I’m president I’m going to issue an executive order taking college football back to the AP and Coach’s polls declaring their own national champions and providing no clear pathway for #1 & #2 to ever play each other.

Ok some of you need to stop being horny for Space Slug

last time a judge rocked brazil like that, jair bolsonaro spent two weeks in the hospital

What the Girl Scout troop's cookie booth outside Mount Laurel marijuana dispensary taught me about B2B sales

today @stevengodfrey.bsky.social and I also spent an hour ranting about college football but 1) I guarantee our version had a lot more about the Mountain West and the Sun Belt and 2) you can hear it early next week if you’re signed up at phantomisland.show

“You may be grieving at first, but, believe me, you’ll be smiling when you see how much less you’re shelling out every month,” said President Donald Trump

I will still eat them 😔

The big-party democrats, vote blue no matter who people actively like this shit though. The worse the candidate is that we can force through the party and into an elected seat with a “D” next to their name, the better.

That Friday hotdog hit my hand like Mjölnir

If I am ever in a situation where I have to be in a bomb shelter and someone tries to start a rave I’m going outside with the bombs

Has a nice ring to it, let’s do that

I reposted this and then immediately ordered WiFi burrito

What athlete’s expression will stay with you the rest of your life?

Today I Will Look The Burrito Man In The Eye and other stories of manifesting success

I would like an all time count of the number of times he’s gotten someone to say “Yeah, exactly!” to 3 questions in a row followed by “Now wait a minute.”

A gas station that sets gas prices by checking your gps and judging how badly you want to get there