Graham Kritzer
@grahamkritzer.bsky.social
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Rated #2 in side impact crash ratings as voted by JD Power and Associates.
Pam Bondi is what happens when The Babadook fucks the Mom from Heriditary
8 days ago
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Me: [appearing in the eaten at Taco Bell files 38,000 times] that doesn't mean anything
15 days ago
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Contestant: all my children died in a fire and im doing this for their memory Mr Beast: [otherworldly grinning] oh man that sucks
about 1 month ago
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[me, chunking my third straight drive 60 yards into the screen at my club fitting]: this feels good [20 year-old sales kid looking at tiktok on his phone the whole time]: you look REALLY good man
about 2 months ago
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With the invasion of Venezuela and subsequent seizure of their oil reserves, it is entirely plausible that Donald Trump is in every paragraph of the Epstein Files.
about 2 months ago
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I literally forgot about this app about 8 months ago. And then I got a flyer in the mail for Chinese restaurant called Blue Sky and then I was like oh ya, what ever became of that other app what was it called again blue something or other. Anyway, X is awful
4 months ago
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I kind of actually feel bad for Vladimir Putin, because he has to remember the names of so many new American co-workers
about 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
Brick's House 🍁
about 1 year ago
If you're blowing a gigantic alphorn in your profile pic you'd better be funny so help me jesus
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Trump voters finding out that it is, in fact, THEM who pay the tariffs
about 1 year ago
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@rubdirtinit.bsky.social
when is the draft
about 1 year ago
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Wayne Gretzky is of Ukrainian descent. Yet he has chosen to cozy up to Trump who is ready to hand Ukraine over to Russia. Wayne Gretzky can fuck all the way off.
about 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
inkedupandsonic
about 1 year ago
the sun will come out tomorrow & other bullshit happy people tell you
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Graham Kritzer
flamby ✨🐝🔪
about 1 year ago
if you regret your voting choices already, that's great. drink bleach.
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Graham Kritzer
Midge
about 1 year ago
Dry January but it’s just my skin
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Hitler: *does Nazi salute* MAGA: HES AUTISTIC
about 1 year ago
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My stock broker told me to engage in more risky ventures so I went home and told my wife to relax
about 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
Cape Cod Demon Hunter
about 1 year ago
“I’ll stop drinking if you let me run the Pentagon” is maybe the most alcoholic thing anyone has ever said
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My family tryna stop me from asking the waitress if she's working hard or hardly working
about 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
Bubbly T 🫧🇨🇦
about 1 year ago
Christmas is so much prettier when you have an ✨astigmatism✨ 🤷🏻♀️
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Graham Kritzer
inkedupandsonic
about 1 year ago
A pringles tube but for donuts
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Ygrene
about 1 year ago
doctor: your blood glucose is over 800 cookie monster: is that bad doctor: sir it's deadly Cookie Monster: (softly) me want cookie
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Uncle Duke
about 1 year ago
this just makes me want to smork even more
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Little Drummer boy: I have no gifts to bring Mary: thats ok Little Drummer Boy: I am a poor boy too Mary: :) Jesus: [sleeping] Little Drummer boy: gonna bang TF outta these drums Joseph: if you wake him up i swear to christ
about 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
Brick's House 🍁
about 1 year ago
Eating toffee is pushups for your face
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Graham Kritzer
Showed my 7 year-old an Etch-a-sketch and said this is what Daddy played with growing up and this little angel asked me if it was a 'caveman iPad' and I am still in absolute shambles
over 2 years ago
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Graham Kritzer
Juliett
over 1 year ago
What rhymes with 'riddance'? I need to get this Bereavement card perfect.
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Graham Kritzer
Jenny and the Bets 💕
over 1 year ago
Sorry I said your baby looked like Voldemort.
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Some pundits would argue that we, as a species, reached our lowest point electing Donald Trump to office AGAIN. However, I would argue we reached the bottom years ago when we let Train get away with saying "im so gangster im so thug"
over 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
I was at a Starbucks and 'Mr. Brightside' came on and the barista leaned in and whispered "I hate this song" and the manager walked over and put his hand on the dudes shoulder, then took him out back and shot him..he fucking shot him and everyone in the store cheered.
over 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
Ennui Doofen
over 1 year ago
The serenity prayer is way too long. God grant me the breakfast
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I was at a Starbucks and 'Mr. Brightside' came on and the barista leaned in and whispered "I hate this song" and the manager walked over and put his hand on the dudes shoulder, then took him out back and shot him..he fucking shot him and everyone in the store cheered.
over 1 year ago
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Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me three or more times and you're my grandpa and you've got my nose once again
over 1 year ago
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Electing and appointing a grotesque cabal of pederasts and rapists is a diabolical way to own the libs
over 1 year ago
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Good job America on electing the actual fucking Hamburglar
over 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
The Lincoln Project
over 1 year ago
A clean sweep for Putin.
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Trump gonna put Scrooge McDuck in charge of the national gold reserves
over 1 year ago
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Just finished The Penguin and honestly; JUSTICE FOR VICTOR AGUILAR
over 1 year ago
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Graham Kritzer
The Irishman but it's Just Robert DeNiro peeling some potatoes for a stew, while he quietly sips a few fingers of Jameson. The Cranberries are on faintly in the background. It's raining out. Father Pat is out walking his dog. Probably a few Hail Mary's before bed time.
over 2 years ago
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Graham Kritzer
WELL LOOK WHO CAME CRAWLING BACK TO BLUESKY. (It's me, i crawled back)
over 1 year ago
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WELL LOOK WHO CAME CRAWLING BACK TO BLUESKY. (It's me, i crawled back)
over 1 year ago
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Showed my 7 year-old an Etch-a-sketch and said this is what Daddy played with growing up and this little angel asked me if it was a 'caveman iPad' and I am still in absolute shambles
over 2 years ago
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Graham Kritzer
Ennui Doofen
over 2 years ago
My only successful game of just the tip was a fork in an outlet
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[Alicia Keys voice] LETS HEAR IT FOR CURED POOOOORK
over 2 years ago
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The Irishman but it's Just Robert DeNiro peeling some potatoes for a stew, while he quietly sips a few fingers of Jameson. The Cranberries are on faintly in the background. It's raining out. Father Pat is out walking his dog. Probably a few Hail Mary's before bed time.
over 2 years ago
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Hello. I have no idea what to do here! Do I post about my job? Recipes? Napoleon? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
over 2 years ago
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you reached the end!!
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