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Few things make me feel as powerful as when this song plays mid-pump

Who wanna buy me a Switch 2 and a new tattoo?

👽👽

Sometimes, but then like

if I were a video game boss I would simply not let my weak points glow

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Do you think the microplastics in my balls will help with my neck pain

Working out to Robyn — call that endorphins & Dopamine

men only want 3 things

Jenna’s amazing like a star in the sky!

Let it be known 2026 is the year I officially had to get reading glasses :/ turning 35 this year anyway, so here we go

There’s Something About Mothra

Thinking it’s time to kick alcohol for good for good. I usually do dry January, and last year I kept it going for 100 days just cos I loved the way I felt. Time to take it all the way!

Made some bomb chicken stock yesterday so you know what that means… it’s soup day boys 😎

I am a lot of things, but first and foremost I am a makeout slut

So what happened to those Etsy witches?

Not to start discourse but I genuinely prefer the flavor of (most) oat milk over dairy in my tea/coffee

I’d been feeling a little depressy about maybe not having “done enough” in 2025, but in retrospect this has actually been one of my most successful years to date. At the NYE party a bestie suggested we all say something we accomplished over the year. (1/2)

Peggy is incredible

FAT BABBY

If my gym had a 2025 Wrapped it would be like “Your most worn accessory was… cat hair!”

Got a new pipe as a present to myself and bitch I feel SO fancy

Y’all Christmas this year was straight up not a good time

Friend watching Goji sent this earlier and my heart 😭 can’t wait to be back home with him

Cum in and know me better man!

y’all pray for me; at my family’s place and there’s a rather large potential for the next few days to be a total shitshow

Bought an xtra strength ✨gummy✨ yesterday and thought I won the lottery cos two were in there (usually only one per pack). Took both, fast forward to passing out at 7PM and waking up at 11AM 💀

SpongeBob big guy

why not put count von count into various vampire scenes: thread

drunk ok

Science?! At a time like this??

FUCK WE ARE SO BACK

Holy shit I thought hip thrust machines at planet fitness was just a myth but the location I go to just got one! Leg day WILL be legging tomorrow

Getting even crazier tonight fellas! Return of the King is ON and this model set I found today is OPEN

And in his love I want to lose myself

Saturday night, you know what that means boys! *puts on the extended cut of The Fellowship of the Ring*

We got 2nd place in Nightmare Before Christmas trivia! Notable other team names options were “Catherine O’Scara” and “Bone Daddies”

Love that people associate me with loving Orville Peck because I’ve been sent his new Vega promo no less than 3 times since the Street Fighter trailer dropped 💀

Take me back 🥺

My sex tapes were burned in the library of Alexandria

I love a lil nap. A quick snooze. A sultry siesta, if you will.

opening a sperm bank called Jizzneyland

New contacts #3 and I’m loving myself sick in this green

don’t you know ᴘᴜᴍᴘ ᶦᵗ ᵘᵖ you got to ᴘᴜᴍᴘ ᶦᵗ ᵘᵖ

Oh ok so Monday is just gonna Monday me like that?

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (Wars nor Trek), LOTR, Marvel, Disney animated or Pixar.

constantly torn between “I should interact with friends more” and “I do not wish to be perceived” so that’s fun