For everyone who’s come up with the perfect take down, on your way home, two hours later. Here’s someone doing it for real. And it’s delicious.

Badenoch doesn’t do facts❗️She doesn’t do intelligence or telling the truth either.. she’s a Tory so what do we expect🤥 Here she attacks Starmer for not funding defence In fact defence spending has increased by £5 billion under Labour with plans to make it 2.5% of GDP rising to 3% Facts eh❗️🤷🏼‍♂️

I didn’t say what I said. Well I did say it but it wasn’t what I meant. Well it was what I meant but not what you thought I meant. Well it was what you thought I meant but not how you thought it. Well it was how you thought it but it wasn’t in the same context.

SuperConjunctionPluralPrefixInterjectionAdverbalidocious #ASongOrMovieForWhatsGrammar

Colon: The Barbarian #ASongOrMovieForWhatsGrammar

Any minute now, I’ll wake up and this has alllllll been an awful dream. Any minute now…. Now…. N.. Oh come on, really?

We just need a simple rule. If you publish a lie, the retraction or correction must take up the same amount of column inches, same headline typeset and, most vitally, on the same page as the original falsehood. Front page lie? Front page apology.

It’s the stupid, economy.

First week in the BBC graphics department and already thriving

STOP THE SMALL PLANES!

"We're bombing Iran because they might make a bomb they could use in the event of a war, not like the nice bombs we used to start the war, or the bombs we are now all using now war has started proper, they also might plan to assassinate a leader which is terrible so we've assassinated their leaders"

My family in law had to flee Beirut at 1am as they live right where the strikes always hit. What have they done to deserve this? They’re just trying live their lives. They don’t support Hizbollah, they’re not terrorists, they’re just a family that have lived through endless war and destruction.

There’s a new version of ‘now, why the hell did I come into this room..?’ That would be staring at a homescreen thinking ‘What app was it I was going to open…?’ And it’s worse in some ways as the room doesn’t have a big shiny notification badge to distract you from what it was you forgot. #Old

Cat.

I’ll be honest- the USA becoming the world’s biggest crime cartel wasn’t where I thought they were heading. I wonder what the actual gangsters are making of it all. I mean, they’re not the type to hold a grudge or mind a bit of competition- so they’ll be fine with it I’m sure…

I wonder how Tricky Dicky and Isobellend are doing now they’ve had a taste of a real war zone. I wonder if they are feeling the genuine existential fear that they might not make it through the night and have a desperate urge to escape, wherever and however they can?

“I’m Richard Tice and of course I don’t have my bloody passport on me - I’ve just escaped a fucking war-zone!”

So. If I’ve got this right- the very same people who screamed: IT’S THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE! Now bring you: IT’S AGAINST THE WILL OF SOME OF THE PEOPLE! Which is it, lads?

Oh great, Anne Fucking Widdicombe on R2. Reaches for preset with 6Music on it. Fuck. Off. You. Poisonous. Bint

More like Matt Badloss.

There is no political universe where this is not a huge win. 40% is an astonishing result for the Greens. The good folk of G&D have not only done the right thing nationally, they’ve done themselves a huge favour too. Let’s just make the fight about killing off Reform and get behind that.

Out of interest, has anyone checked to see if the Tories even knew there was a by-election going on?

Wait, so now they *can’t* bear arms? America is so confusing.

Fucking State of their Union.

My advice to Manchester’s voters- don’t elect a man who cannot even proofread a basic document- he’d have much more complicated matters to try and grapple with and he’s clearly an incompetent nincompoop. #Guilty or #Incompetent

Muuuuum, y’know that vase you’re always worried I’d break…? Yeah, you don’t need to worry about that any longer.

Ten years as the world’s #1 city. The haters online can’t fathom the reality: London is a global powerhouse that only gets better. Don’t believe the noise, believe the results.

Robert De Niro, "Trump is destroying our country" "We have to save the country" "Trump is the enemy of this country" "It's that simple"

Incase your 13 week old puppy also decides this would make a tasty snack, do not panic- they are entirely non toxic and will do it no harm. So why the printed warning? Apparently (according to Animal Poison Line) they have to put that on the sachets to stop idiot humans thinking they’re food. 🙄

If they weren’t led by an angry teenager, I could be persuaded that the Tories are conducting an undercover operation to destroy Reform from within. They’re not, they’re all just utter self serving, greedy arseholes.

It’s sunny. Sue me.

Spades have not become extinct simply because of the invention of the JCB.

Big chuckle here Not at the import of course just the vision to see the possibilities

Swaggering moron, Tice, confirms again that Reform will scrap Labour’s improvements to workers’ rights. Know your place plebs. Reform is a party for rich, racist white men who want to remove your rights to protect their interests. Don’t be their useful idiot. www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/reform...

So much that could be said on the 4th anniversary of the full scale invasion, but it all just boils down to the ultimate admiration for Ukrainians who have endured so much, fought so hard and deserve victory, peace and prosperity. Slava Ukraini!

Is Operation ‘Manage The Idiot’ quietly underway by grown-up leaders? We can only hope. All while the frothy minority point at islands, brown people and anything else they can use to distract from the fact their alliance would be Putin, Orban and the ghost of Robert Mugabe.

Take a look and remember this when our history gets whitewashed for the comfort of the hard-of-thinking.

No cheating, your last saved pic of a celebrity is your therapist. Oh fuck. ‘Calm down, calm down, here’s some tissues’

Finally someone has worked out how the White House is being run. Obvious when you know.

One of the greatest bollard walks in history. #WorldBollardAssociation

I don’t know what this fluffy white stuff that fills dog toys is, but I have seen more than enough of it this week. 4th day in a row I am knee deep in the stuff. It also seems to have quantum properties- there is no way all that fitted in there, under the normal laws of physics. #dogsofbluesky

Quite the kick in the teeth for all those Americans struggling to pay their medical bills. The US is giving free healthcare to people who already have free healthcare.

The Great Danes

Do Not Travel To The US. Nothing is worth the risk; no one is safe from state sponsored abduction.

We go live to the White House for an official statement on today’s supreme court ruling on trade tariffs.

#IShowLoveForMyPetBy Telling him he’s a VERY good boy.

Okay, this is quite outstanding from Bedford Council.

"Best go on the offensive". Fgs just close X down. Europe wide ban.