Humans are social creatures and I hate that for us

I have written the only new song I'll have time for for this year's #FAWM It is good! I may be biased! It's got hooks and big loud guitars and stuff. youtu.be/YQJIU3x6VfU?...

You may laugh, but the Macbeths are a much better role model for a marriage than Romeo and Juliet. They discuss their problems (killing the king of Scotland), share their hobbies (killing the king of Scotland), and resolve their conflicts (by killing the king of Scotland).

Pub

I want a hybrid terror pig. Get me a hybrid terror pig.

I am not a sports fan, but being pointlessly obsessed about something that isn't really important is one of the best ways to spend a life.

“I’ve reviewed over 50 sticky toffee puddings” is an incredibly powerful way to begin a video

Happy birthday to one of my favourite haters, Charles Darwin

Happy birthday, Chuck. Proud to carry on your legacy of studying evolutionary biology while going through it

It’s Leslie Nielsen’s birthday & this is still the greatest gag in the history of comedy.

No they aren't

Haven't read the article, but I assume he is talking about the Romans, or possibly the Anglo Saxons. Or the beaker folk. Either way, these days, get back in the sea you finned cunt etc etc.

Labour's problem isn't merely one of personnel. It's that the main factions of the party lack an analysis of capitalism, & therefore an awareness that boosting growth (the answer to many problems) requires a lot of work. Here's one I wrote 5 years (!) ago: chrisdillow.substack.com/p/starmer-an...

I tried to take a photo of a grasshopper on my windshield, but now it looks like a gigantic bug destroying the town.

I scream You scream We all scream It’s Tuesday

“The Prime Minister is under increasing pressure to resign”

With another Olympics happening, pointlessly filled with proper skilled sportspeople, I renew my call for a good Olympics with the athletes chosen at random. It should be a lottery/jury service thing, followed by a medical check and 2 weeks training. No pros allowed.

BREAKING: Peter Mandelson just sent this secret notice to all UK media, demanding they leave him alone. He uses IPSO clauses designed to support grieving families in a bid to stop scrutiny of his relationship with Epstein We have published it in full. www.thenational.scot/news/2583451...

Doing art badly is good and sacred

Over the years, people have asked me why I am always saying that Slimer, from the Ghostbusters franchise, is a bisexual icon (I am always saying this). To me, the answer is so self-evident that I have never and will never explain.

A story in three parts

96% of you are really weird.

I am going to be a bridesmaid.

My favourite way of saying “we’re on it” or “we’ll take care of that for you” is the Dutch we zullen dat varkentje wel even wassen. It means “we will certainly get that piglet washed.”

This is deeply insulting to my people. That is not what that word means.

Ever tried boiled pasta? Not as crunchy but still good

This is the music of my people

Hit me Paul Shane one more time

Dudes would rather pretend to have mass hallucinations rather than admit they saw some Borrowers.

I scream You scream We all scream When coping with the unrelenting horrors of this stupid reality

scoreboard

Sometimes a user will post a joke and then that very same user will post something sincere. And I as the reader am expected to understand this, using my brain?

Reminder that Blue Monday isn't a real phenomenon, it was made up by the boyband Blue in 2002 to make me wanna call you in the middle of the night, make me wanna hold you 'til the morning light, make me wanna love, make me wanna fall, make me wanna surrender my soul

Slightly diminish a game. Assassin's Crud

This is what the internet is for

I am reminded of the German vampire version of this song. youtu.be/QJURjF51LFE?...

Sorry for the things I said when Sam Beckett quantum leaped into me

Eat the grave-grown oyster mushrooms. Definitely eat the grave-grown oyster mushrooms. Nobody will regret eating the grave-grown oyster mushrooms.

Depressing but true thread. I've often thought the best choice I ever made for my own music was that I never tried to make a living from it.

That's bait .gif

Wes Streeting? The little worm boy? Wes STREETING? WES Streeting? The little wormy worm boy?

Nothing fills me with rage quite like money I’ve spent leaving my actual bank account like I just bought that as a joke why are you taking it seriously

Same

What if none of these things is a distraction from the other things and instead they're all just horrible things