How Volodymr Zelenskyy manages to survive in a literal war without a ballroom to keep him safe is just shocking to me.

The amount of misinformation we’re getting about an incident that just occurred in front of 1,500 news reporters is truly the metaphor of our generation.

Just a thought: How about we stop shaming the poor for buying things that may not be essential, and start shaming the rich for making a profit off things that are essential?

Global commodity prices for the Eucharist are about to skyrocket

Dune Messiah? Oh, you mean The Jung Pope?

Necroecononomicon

You know, I'm something of a doctor myself

Trump pretending to be a doctor raising Jeffrey Epstein from the dead is only marginally better than him pretending to be Jesus. F- excuse.

The idea that the President of the United States could publish an image of himself as the Messiah and no news outlet covers it is the biggest indictment of the American free press.

It’s profoundly ignorant to suggest that the Pope should be fighting crime on behalf of the Catholic Church. Anyone who was remotely familiar with Roman Catholicism would know that that’s what Daredevil is for

From new Hungarian Prime Minister Péter Magyar's acceptance speech tonight. This is the absolute BARE MINIMUM platform for any Democrat running for President in 2028.

This is so well done. 👌

It's critical that people understand Trump took the world to the brink, and that congressional Rs showed their hand: Given a choice between armageddon and constraining Trump, they'll choose armageddon. It's also critical that we try to bring the crisis to an end. www.offmessage.net/p/republican...

A mashup of The Terminator and Up in the Air where the T-1000 tells people they're losing their jobs to AI, until he learns empathy, then completely forgets the empathy because AI has the memory of an ADHD goldfish no matter how much electricity you throw at it.

The Strait should remain shut and nobody should intervene because it's the world's one opportunity that the frenzied hoards of American motorists will finally be the people to exterminate the entire US Government and grant us all some peace

Another question for any thinkers out there; Why are “we the people” paying $60bn to $100bn+ every year to have a congress who is on vacation 90% of the time, and refuses to do anything “FOR“ we the people??!?!? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

The Moon: oh wow you guys decided to come back Artemis II crew: earth’s haunted

Trump today vs Hitler’s infamous Reichstag speech in 1939

For how how long have we been told that the US has this fabulous written Constition whereas we do not? But the US Constitution has been shown to be the emperor with no clothes It might as well be a blank sheet of paper It might as well not exist The US is acting entirely on the whim of one man

After we win back the House and Senate, impeach him and pass the Disgraced Presidents Act. Let him pay for his own security with his crypto money. He should have been in prison since January 6.

Get your jokes in now, these guys only have to live down their gestapo phase for another 80 years

Stop fucking saying the media is being “manipulated” by Donald Trump. It's not. He's not that smart. The media is being “produced” by the same people who fucking own him. And none of them care about the fucking truth. Fuck.

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

This is an ICE agent at TSA. Post their unmasked faces everywhere.

If the Epstein Class wants this war in Iran they should fund it through the free market. A real capitalist wouldn't go to socialism asking for a handout when it's time to buy a Tomahawk.

First of all, maybe TSA agents are quitting because they don’t want to sleep in their cars since they can’t afford gas. Second, ICE agents are barely trained to be ICE agents. Now they’re being put in airports to do TSA’s job with zero training. What could go wrong? PAY TSA AGENTS, NOT ICE.

Obama's $400M refund to get Iran to let us keep their nuclear program in check peacefully is a better bargain every day. Too bad Donald "Art of the Deal" Trump can never accept a good thing done by a Black man.

OK, so it’s official from the President of the United States when someone you don’t like dies it’s OK to say “I’m glad he’s dead” we got it in writing folks

the same number of troops have died in this war that died in the evacuation of afghanistan fyi, weird how the media has decided that isn’t a point to drive home this time

Donald Trump's Pentagon is going to buy millions of dollars of drones from Donald Trump's sons. But *do* go on more about the corruption of Joe and Hunter Biden.

Pam Bondi is holding a “briefing” with the Oversight Committee. I believe she’s doing this to evade her subpoena. It’s structured exactly like a hearing except she’s NOT under oath & there’s no transcription or video. We just walked out. We’ll see her at her sworn deposition.

Dear World, Don’t help him. Oppose him. Defy him. Embarrass him. Arrest him, if you’d like. We’re not with him. Sincerely, Decent Americans

Japan's response to America about sending their navy to Hormuz: Have you thought about building an electric train?

Trump thinks he won in Iran because he violently replaced a leader who hates him with a younger leader who hates him even more. I suppose he thinks he thinks he won his marriages, too.

I keep seeing people ask about the 25th Amendment. Guys. His entire Cabinet is walking around in shoes that don’t fit because they’re scared to take them off. The 25th is never happening.

the most thoroughly vindicated man in hollywood. trade disputes and conspiracies ✔️ republic subverted over sex hangups ✔️ “sand people” killed, royalty indifferent ✔️ naive idiot casts vote for tyranny ✔️ villains with silly names like “dooku” ✔️ powerful clerical order screwing up ✔️ list goes on

Who did the attacking? How did so many people wind up dead? All mysteries!

If Republicans are upset that Trump doesn't have a plan, is lying about Iran, and is callously putting Americans in harm's way, just wait until they find out about literally every other thing he's done in his life.

Stop saying Noem got fired. Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas sounds like somebody who's supposed to watch Scrooge McDuck's fortune during duck hunting season.

Let's remember that "But Her Emails" grew out of the Benghazi hearings, which were about a poor response to a surprise attack, versus Trump starting a war and THEN telling everyone they should probably see if they can get a flight home.

The president of the United States killed children to distract from raping children.

If you think it's a bad thing that on the very first day of an illegal war Donald Trump killed dozens of schoolgirls, I don't think you've been paying attention to how much Donald Trump and most of his administration enjoy harming and killing young girls.

When the terrorist attacks happen, remember that they were preventable from every angle. The rapists, drunks and con men running the government own this.

Dems in 2027: Boy howdy, when Donald Trump lets us hold an election, then, THEN we are REALLY going to show him who's boss.

If you need something to make your day brighter, Goat Boy had a bad flight. share.google/7OkssfeAYild...

I love how during the 1996 Olympics the National Weather Service could tell you the weather in 20-minute increments days in advance, but since the budget cuts and the AI-ification of weather we don't know what the weather's going to be like this afternoon.

As a kid, I don't think I was ever prouder of my white, southern mother than when she told me she voted for Jesse Jackson in the primary (fwiw, I don't know who my dad voted for but it very well could've been Jackson, as well).