It's perfectly normal to be on your phone whilst simultaneously hunting around trying to find your phone, right?

I have just rediscovered an abandoned version of Space Invaders that I made with funky invaders, many years ago. Look at how funky they were!

Don't bring a knife to a gunfight. Bring a knife to a vault containing many wheels of cheese in a brutalized postapocalyptic society where knives are only a legend. You are now Knifebringer, Divider of the Cheese. Raise your knife and rule the clans.

In Fawlty Towers, in the hallway, there is a little staircase that goes up a few steps, and then immediately comes back down again, and it's never really explained. Anyway, insomnia.

Why do they put bread crumbs on ham? Whose demanding the breadcrumbs and why? You can buy ham with breadcrumbs, or without. It makes no sense.

Finally we can say what we REALLY think about the Artemis astronauts.

www.maptap.gg April 6 94🏅 90👑 97🔥 95🏅 83😁 Final score: 912

Waved back at someone earlier who was actually just cleaning their window.

Post something random Happy April.

*whispers* I'm not sure why we are going to the moon. Is it to build an overpriced data center for a tech bro?

oh, france, with your pamplemousse and your sexy

Today was not great weather for flight photos. It was pretty overcast. But I did manage to get this blue jay with a nut. I like this one. #birds #photography #birdsofbluesky

✋ #PresidentPedoPutinPuppet

I'm Banksy.

If telekinesis were possible, I'm pretty sure evolution would have taken advantage of it in some species or another.

Hi all it's guessing game time, can anyone guess what system this is running on. Sorry no prizes, but please repost 😄

who called it an american express credit card statement instead of an ae iou

Alexa, pop down the shop and get some tea bags.

Beautiful evening at Corbiere lighthouse.

The FIFA peace prize committee must be proud of themselves.

I've joined the Greens. Should have done it years ago, to be honest.

It's so warm today that I've opened the windows.

Why do I have to pretend that I'm going to print something in order to save it as a PDF. Why do I have to engage in a little ruse.

In the year 2066, the King might be called William. Food for thought.

To be fair, it's only taken us 1000 years to realise royalty may not be working in our best interests.

It was the worst of times, it was the fucking worst of times. Just really shit times.

The British museum and the Elgin marbles and then give them back.

Some clever people are completely losing it over this, but I can assure, this is *definitely* not going to happen! It's ridiculous. They should sack this guy and replace *him* with AI.

Drop an album that was important to you when you were nineteen. (I was late to the party)

The BBC garden needs some weeding. #totp

The plural of Lego is Lego. And that's the final word on the matter.

Please can we retire the phrase "you've got this"? Thank you.

I wish I could, tumble dryer, I wish I could.

I wrote this song on Saturday, recorded it yesterday and released it to you today in response to the state terror being visited on the city of Minneapolis. It’s dedicated to the people of Minneapolis, our innocent immigrant neighbors and in memory of Alex Pretti and Renee Good. Stay free

I love it when you see the ISS pass over when you weren't even trying to.

Idea: shoes, but with detachable soles - so you never have to take your shoes off in someone's house.

The newspaper headlines should ALL be "the president spouted a pack of lies in his press briefing". This is objectively true and important to say clearly.

“Thanks, man. Where was I? Oh yeah, so it was December, and I just wanted to get out of the cold. I knocked on some random guy's door. I’m tellin’ ya, dude was out of his friggin' mind! He kept asking me a bunch of super weird questions and whining about some chick named Lenore."

Change one letter, ruin a show.. All Creatures Great and Smell.

Waitrose chefs? I have questions

What was your #childhood cinema Rex Cinema, Northwood Hills. Closed in 1973 to become a supermarket. (Macfisheries, I believe)

Venezuela is four times the size of Great Britain. But you'd never know, looking at a map, thanks to the Mercator projection!

But when has an illegal regime change not been an unmitigated success from start to finish?

Dude, we've got monuments that are older than 2500 years.

Shocking how normal the weather has been for this time of year.

Interstellar objects aren't aliens. It's NEVER aliens. Sorry. I know.

Im addicted to cold turkey but I don’t know how to quit it.