who up wetting their willies

Artists stop doing their nyc shows on a Monday challenge

Dreams last night included: my mom getting newly addicted to Tik Tok, remembering to get milk at the grocery store (we’re out), and rescheduling my doctor appointment 🤔

Just bought my tickets.

When I was first hired at my current job 5 years ago, one of my team members was let go within weeks of starting and nobody on my team knew what happened. Today I found out!

I love a cracker

Saint Patrick’s Day came and went this year without being able to find a single package of the Lucky Charms cookie dough 😔

what I wouldn’t give to be at a Betty Who concert rn

We need to collectively stop using the acronym PT bc it could mean “personal training” or “physical therapy” and those are two very different states to be in!

just closed my move ring by shaking my junk at the urinal you really can do anything if you set your mind to it

Back in my day (👴🏻), we used to pinch one another in elementary school if someone wasn't wearing green on St. Paddy’s. Do kids still do this? (I hope not.)

happy st Patrick’s day luhvs 💚🍀

its like no one wants to send me a partiful sex party invite anymore. get your ass up and send me a partiful sex party invite

TGIFCF

I think whatever type of relationship structure you’re in that makes you happy is great 😊

doing the unthinkable (going the wrong way against the grain down an aisle at Trader Joe’s)

I don’t play into heightism with men. Y’all can have those tall freaks.

feeling a little out of touch with my bloomfies lately and would like to rekindle 🥺

it’s that first feral 70° day in NYC we refer to as Hunting Season

Super useful info— read the whole thread!

menu at the restaurant tonight kinda giving Mamdani campaign content vibes

Who do I need to fight at Chase Sapphire™️ to get them to put the blueberry drink back on the menu at the lounge 😭

I have the same birthday as Michelle Visage

5 but 1 if I want to feel like I’m writing with a quill

is there not a way to post a song to your insta story from this app??

Post a pic you took, no context, to bring some zen to the feed.

I hate when people post ridiculous prices for their used items on our apartment bulletin board. Like I am your neighbor— give me a deal!! 🤑

I don’t smoke crack because I have iced coffee

neighbor just told me he did “double Barry’s” this weekend which I wasn’t aware was a thing that straight boys did

–– topping counts as a gym day

do you ever just have a day where your hog feels juicy and meatier than usual?

cursed with a pretty penis x

it is sunny and 50° in nyc and it feels like crack

CVS keeps sending me $4 coupons with no purchase necessary so I’ve been walking over to grab free shit all week 😆

well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This has been the longest week of my life! WHERE IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

Consent is key but staaaaahp asking me if I want to stay in your close friends like I am an adult I am not going to cry or be offended if I see your butt or pubes or alcoholic beverage like keep me there or take me out it really doesn’t matter unless you’re posting pics of dead people or animals

i am foaming at the mouth for new york city summer

packed both meals for my day at the office today, look at me eating healthy and saving money 😌 still got 2 coffees out tho 💅

no one doing it like her these days

things to think about when considering a move to a new city 🏃‍♂️💨

keep looking out my window because this man across the way keeps growing 👀

blender noise when it’s not a smoothie for you has got to be one of the most annoying noises to exist

highlight of my day was seeing the auntie Anne’s mobile pretzel truck pulled over for running a red light 🥨🚙💨🚓

god i need to get pounded raw tonight ugh

embarrassed to report that I’m currently walking to the pancake place in my neighborhood that I make fun of people going to bc they always have a huge line 🫠

I’m honestly relieved that I’m not a Hilary Duff gay; there’s enough of you already.

I’m seeing queen Jade tonight and when I tell you I have waited 6+ years for this concert, I’m not exaggerating (Little Mix never toured US and they canceled the London show I had tickets to in 2020)

I wish you could beep on the sidewalk

starting a campaign to reclaim the word “sinister” for us left handed people