Tfw you drunkenly misgender yourself 😭

I wanna fly to London

I would love to drink with Seth Myers

I’m just tryna smash oomf and his boyfriend

O o o ozempic

I wanna change my @ but I’m worried people will forget that I have a big dick

Who wanna smooch

Anyone wanna come over and just

If you’re anti-antifascist, do you know what that makes you?

Lmao reading about minority stress for class

Lmao just saw The News™ and we’re all doing so great. SO great.

I wonder what a blowjowski from the Phantatic feels like

Ready to fight for my life in this JADE presale queue

Very awesome being on meds that make me sweat excessively. Definitely not sitting in my car with the aircon blasting to dry out my clothes before going back inside. But hey at least I haven’t offed myself!!!!

Our 5th wedding anniversary is in two weeks and I’m gagged

I could just murder for a crispy dill pickle spear rn

What fuckin narc from Blue Cross put this shit up lmao

Mama this humidity is bullshit. I shouldn’t have to deal with it in the fall this ain’t Florida

Prince Straggot

Going to bed, wasn’t raptured

I love a woman holding a gun meme because at the end of the day I’m an American and I love women’s rights and the second amendment

Desperately need a column on the nutrition facts for “oops you were stoned and ate the whole thing”

Posting but only for the attention

Block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block block

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Kash Patel https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-kash-patel/

Despite *it all* I’m like really good at my job

Today is the most Tuesday that has ever tuesdayed already

Leaning into liking the super deep lines I get around my eyes when I smile because I’m in my mid-30s

Years on tumblr and twitter taught me how to anticipate reactions and therefore how to best self-censor

Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in love again and again Fall in lo

Not being forced to use turnitin as a graduate student in 2025

Ms. StealYoMan

Imagine if we still employed actual epidemiologists to run our public health policy

At least it’s fat bear week

Good to know I can get a whole state funeral if I just buy a podcast mic and say hateful shit

Another week huh

I never once doubted the eagles

GO BIRDS

Okay time to go back to sleep for a bit before the eagles game

Post-race beer

Let’s go do this half

Dear gestapo trash:

Still went to the gym to pick things up and put them down despite it being a completely shit day

Saturday vibe

A spookier wallpaper for fall

Rewatched Black Phone and enjoyed it more the second time

When centrist dems think they can still find common ground with a fascist government

Spineless cowards.