Can’t help but think of the increasingly fetid copy of James Herbert’s The Fog that that was passed around my high school and fell open at the garden shears scene.

Stop worrying about what YA books to let your kids read and let them sort it out with V C Andrews and cocaine era Stephen King as God intended

TV executive: *rolls dice* Dice: "Lisa Riley" TV executive: *rolls dice* Dice: "Guy Martin" TV executive: *rolls dice* Dice: "Drystone walling" TV executive: *rolls dice* Dice: "Dartmoor" Magazine: Join Lisa Riley & Guy Martin as they go drystone walling across Dartmoor, autumn on ITV1.

You never feel more Truman-in-The-Truman-Show than when you get pelted by a hailstorm lasting less than 60 seconds, and then as soon as you're inside the sky turns blue and there's no evidence the hail ever happened.

If someone told me this was the first species that died out laughing, I'd believe them.

It's Barnes & Noble preorder discount time again! If you preorder the paperback of The Heist Of Hollow London between 24th and 26th March, you can use the code PREORDER25 to get 25% off: www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-heist-...

"If you're not angry, you're not paying attention" well I'm not really paying attention but I am angry, what now

For the last two years the ALCS payment has entered my bank account at the same time my annual Disney+ subscription has left it. I am grateful for all the photocopying that made this possible.

Listened to ‘Dumb’ from Nirvana Unplugged and was reminded of a guy I was in a band with back in the nineties, who said "I love that lyric ‘My heart is broken but I can't have the glue' or 'can't find the glue' or something. It was about glue. Genius."

The Spirit from March 24, 1946. Pencils by Bob Palmer and John Spranger, with inks by Palmer and Will Eisner, and letters by Martin DeMuth.

Watching The Walking Dead and once again thinking about how sore and itchy everyone must be. Sudocrem must have a value equivalent to gold bullion.

My local industrial gas supplier also wanted people to know this recently

housing is more expensive now, but also a lot safer. this kind of home was considered cream of the crop in the 1980s

Pareidolia - teenage brain edition.

Next Thursday I’ll be at Chorley Theatre for Telling Tales, where I’ll be discussing my writing, giving some readings then taking part in a panel with two emerging writers. Only £5, tickets below. It’ll be a grand night. #booksky chorleytheatre.com/theatre_even...

I love Scott Seiss

Bang Bang It’s Reeves & Mortimer, Episode 4

Actually, age is just several numbers.

Look at this Mulligan and O’Hare album title-having candle.

If I had rich parents I reckon I'd be fuming if they spent £50k a year on my education. Put that in a savings account and I'll retire at 40, ta.

The Spirit from March 22, 1942. Art by Will Eisner & letters by Sam Rosen.

I refuse to believe he didn’t know what he was doing here.

[Vigorous wanking gesture]

I did an interview with a student who is studying my writing for his MA. We talked about structure and he broke down what he believed to be my method of structuring my work. I write pretty instinctively, so didn’t think I had a method but apparently I do. It made me feel smarter than I am.

Stopped to photograph and enjoy a Van Gogh moment outside the big Morrisons. Got in everyone’s way.

“Take 2 pints of lager and a packet of crisps three times a day for 7 days and come back to me if your symptoms persist.”

Jesus, they weren’t bloody joking.

I taught at a prison yesterday, where I learned that inmates have been reading my book in their cells but with the dust jacket off because carrying it through the wing “raises too many questions”. They’re still reading it though, which I’m proud of. I also feel, ever so slightly, contraband.

Saw your boyfriend in Hobbycraft

Went to see dEUS last night and wanted to commemorate the moment afterwards with a selfie in front of the marquee. They’d changed it by the time we got outside but we still committed to the plan.

The Amazing World of Tomorrow

Twin Peaks: Nadine Hurley, back at home with superhuman strength after recovering from her coma.

Jesus when he comes back to Earth:

Standing in a TK Maxx will give you the sense that not only has everything that can possibly be made already been made, but that it is also available in blue, silver and rose gold.

donald trump says he “will remember” the countries that don’t bail him out of the mess in iran and i don’t think that’s true

Best film of the season is *still* the most Oscar nominated of all time. Don’t piss on its parade you dubious cunts.

Sinners deserves Best Cinematographer simply for the fact that it's a modern movie where you can tell what's going on during all the night scenes

出口/EXIT Maze

Yesterday I went to volunteer at a community allotment, where they have hives and I learned that I am now someone who doesn’t freak out when bees land all over them.

Just seen this meme account sharing my biggest ever tweet. During lockdown, it ended up having a jingle made about it on the Radio 1 breakfast show, gained me an unexpectedly large amount of abuse and also several requests for the number of the salon that styled my mum’s hair.

Sandy Sandilands in the desert? Who named him? JK Rowling?

obviously many reasons to loathe AI but a very personal one for me is that Claude would be SUCH a chic name for a little Franco-British child but now it's just the name of a stupid machine, fuck's sake

Because my dog is fussy and particular and refuses to do her morning pee in our yard, preferring to do it on the corner of our block, it means I get to see the sky looking like this at 5:49am.

Ooh, this looks fun.

Today is Mario Day (Mar10) so let us all take a moment to remember both Mario and his brother Luigi. They deserved better than this...