Of course, he's only building that ballroom so he can host a special transatlantic mash-up of hit US and UK dance shows starring all his legally embattled pals. Allegedly Come Noncing With the Stars premieres in the New Year.

This is such a clever idea!!

Hello. @thisisdouch.bsky.social is crowdfunding for the sequel to his excellently funny kids book. If you like supporting good, funny children's books actually getting made or have mini ones who like brilliant picture books, please give him a hand if you can: www.kickstarter.com/projects/thi...

Still uncanny.

Oh good grief, not only did Drumpf not win, they gave it to a woman. He’s going to cancel the ceasefire out of spite, isn’t he.

Thank you DC.

It seems the old lie has come around again that English is a 'rip-off' degree, and that the study of our language and literature is not worth the time and money. Which is exactly what someone who uses language to manipulate and deceive you on a daily basis *wants* you to think. 1/3

'Making people pay for retail goods would kill the shoplifting industry.'

I’m sorry, f**king what?!?!

Delighted to have another couple of sketches on this week's Noising Up. Last of the series, and I managed a full house of something on each episode. Well done to all the cast, crew and writers who contributed to s6. Fingers crossed for a s7 www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Really chuffed that something of mine was included in the news-poking fun this week. Congrats to everyone else who contributed to this episode! #satire #comedy www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

So sick of violence. The synagogue attack is horrifying on such a Holy Day for Jewish people. No one deserves to be targeted because they are part of a religious, ethnic, gender or social group. There is no justification and no excuse for killing innocent people here or anywhere else in the world.

My wood burner is whistling every time I use it. Apparently it's something to do with my Chimney Sweep #jokes #humour #funny

George Foreman grill: Cooks your food, reduces fat Site Foreman grill: Stands and watches *you* cook your food Susan Foreman grill: Gets left in kitchen of your old house, you keep meaning to go back for it but never do

This is just to say I have eaten the swans that were in the duck pond and which you were probably saving for the King Forgive me they were delicious so white and so necky

Chuffed to hear another few of my bits and pieces on today's Noising Up #NoisingUp #NU www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

If the GOP don’t like being compared to the Nazis, maybe they should stop doing the same things the Nazis did.

“What, me?” said Appeasement, “You want me? After all these years quietly gathering dust in the history books, you want me again?” “Yes, of course! It’s your time to shine once more! Come on buddy, look sharp, you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you”

If I were a known close friend of Jeffrey Epstein, I wouldn't be driving around in a car called The Beast.

This does seem like a major over reaction and reflects poorly on the police and the country. I don’t care how fragile that ridiculous tangerine 💩 gibbon’s ego is, it’s not a crime to make him cringe and it’s not a crime to republish info and pictures already legally in the public domain.

Publishers are jumping on the meat-free bandwagon with special vegan editions of classic tales. First releases include Children of the Quorn and The Adventures of Tom Soya.

Looks like we're having a General Defection.

Some more of my stuff made it onto this week's Noising Up. Hear what the team did with it here www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Funny how this keeps happening?

About time too.

Major diplomatic faux pas tonight. John Swinney met Trump to talk about whisky tariffs and innocently asked him if he'd ever tried a 12-year-old.

Smells Like Teen Hitler Crappernazis (by Lady Maga) Dedicated Follower of Fascism #ReformRockSongs

Noising Up now on BBC Sounds for all your topical comedy needs. This week, featuring a joke from me. #Writing #Comedy #ComedyWriting #WritingCommunity www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Kai Christian Moritz as Von Bach Harry Myers as Hawkman Martin Sherman as Blue Beetle and Kerry Shale as the Joker Watch out for cameos from KC writer Mark Waid, 90s DC Superman Editor Mike Carlin and DC Alumni who appear in the novels including Charles Kochman, David Vinson and Sandy Resnick.

David Holt as Green Arrow David Lee Huynh as The Ray JD Jackson as Manotaur January LaVoy as Nightstar Laurel Lefkow as Daily Planet News Anchor Tim Lounibos as Riddler Theo Maggs as Bat-Knight Alan Marriott as 666 Eric Meyers as Red Arrow

Nezar Alderazi as Ibn Al'Xuffasch Jennifer Armour as Big Barda Karen Bartke as Avia Laurence Bouvard as Power Woman Torian Brackett as J'onn J'onnz Reba Buhr as Dinah Lance E.A. Castillo as Duela Dent Joe Duley as Officer Duley Vas Eli as Red Robin Ashleigh Haddad as Catwoman

CAST Marc Thompson as Superman Glenn Wrage as Batman Lorelei King as Wonder Woman Kerry Shale as The Spectre William DeMeritt as Billy Batson Edoardo Ballerini as Norman McCay Garrick Hagon as Wesley Dodds Tom Alexander as Magog John Chancer as UN Secretary Wyrmwood and Ray Porter as Lex Luthor

With Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman & more - even the Joker - after three decades I'm back in Metropolis and Gotham City in November with KINGDOM COME by Mark Waid and Alex Ross, a fully cast, cinematic audio drama from DC and Penguin Random House Audio, with music by my SANDMAN pal James Hannigan.

Lorelei King as Wonder Woman, no-brainer casting choices here.

@timlebbon.bsky.social NYT bestselling author, gave me the opportunity to narrate his fantastic folk horror/thriller, Secret Lives of the Dead. I was honoured and ecstatic to be trusted with it. It’s coming soon to Audible, and already available from others here: tinyurl.com/SecretLivesO...

No I don’t have something in my eye, I’m just sobbing.

Dear America. It's the guns. Love, Everyone else. Credit: Philip Labes www.instagram.com/philiplabes?... www.tiktok.com/@philiplabes...

BBC News seem suicidally bent on ignoring political parties with many more MPs, more rational policies and more supporters than Reform. Suicidal because one of the first things Reform would do should they ever get near real power is defund and throttle the BBC, founded to be impartial and unbiased.

The biggest supplier of paint for pyramids and temples in the ancient Middle East was Pharaoh and Baal.

It's human blood, isn't it. Only thing that fits this timeline.

'Why no, the person who could get me out of jail certainly doesn't appear on a non-existent list. And neither, by happy coincidence, do any of the people who might have me killed if I said they were on it, which they're not.'

I accidentally misread the word 'Office' in a headline as 'Orifice' and frankly, 'Tough love in the Oval Orifice' over a picture of Donald Trump is an image I'm not going to be free of for a long time.

Gutted that Donnie DIY has been missing from the paper last couple of weeks. Really hope he’ll be back soon - it’s a great column, so helpful and practical @dailyrecord.co.uk.web.brid.gy @dailyrecord.co.uk

Just finished watching series 1 of Bookish and I bloody loved it. Interesting, complex characters, clever stories and it looks gorgeous. Really delighted they’re going to be making more of it.

It’s a genocide. They are straight up murdering journalists because they keep inconveniently reporting the indisputable fact that it’s a genocide. @teamlabouruk.bsky.social @ukparliament.parliament.uk @kierstarmermp.bsky.social DO SOMETHING. Stop appeasing, stop arming, stop prevaricating.

I’m quite sad to learn Tom Lehrer has died. I only know some of his songs but they are hilarious and witty and dark and delicious and incredibly smart and he just seemed like a pretty bloody cool dude from what I’ve read.

Para. 9.4.1. of the UK Immigration Rules provides that entry clearance or permission must be refused where the applicant … (b) is a persistent offender who shows a particular disregard for the law (c) has committed a criminal offence, or offences, which caused serious harm.

I asked AI to generate an image of a fat, corrupt, stupid, pathetic tangerine shit gibbon with a tiny willy and this is what it came up with. Turns out, occasionally it DOES work then.