You either die being dispossesed, or live long enough to see Zanu PF doing symposiums about why productivity in Zimbabwean agriculture isn't what it used to be

This is, sadly, absolutely right. Particularly the point on having to endure the analysis from people that have been googling Scottish politics on the train ride up (as ever, looking at you New Statesman)

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

Just want everyone to go to bed so Father Christmas can have a small drink in the glow of the tree lights

Every time I'm in a restaurant I remember Kevin McAleer's reply to a waiter who told him the Soup Of The Day. "Where there any other contenders?" "Um, no?" "A hollow victory, then".

What’s good about Walliams is we don’t have to separate the art from the man

Hopefully he can still get tickets

As a former editor of Popbitch – and the proud owner of a legal letter sent by HarperCollins, accusing me of being "highly likely to cause serious harm to [their former star client]’s reputation both as an individual and author” – may I just say: GET IT RIGHT UP YE

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There just aren't words for how much I hate this. Why can't these bastards ever just write a new story? Why do they have to drag Orwell into this shit? Does Seth Rogan have no shame at all? I hate it.

Robin Ince reveals to last night’s audience at a recording of Infinite Monkey Cage that the BBC has forced him to resign over his support of trans people

Hello. I'm writing about model (as in miniature) villages and have a list of twelve so far, all in England. If anyone has one they especially like, I'd be glad to hear about it, please. Maybe in other parts of the UK? But further English examples also welcome. Thank you.

The only thing on my Christmas list this year is a jumper saying "It's McGinning to look a lot like Christmas"

I’m a single issue voter and my issue is that those busses that bend in the middle should make accordion noises

Nothing but respect for the monstrous grannies

Yes I know them, we went to Twitter together.

Another niche request here, but does anyone with Italian heritage have any good stories/memories around the tradition of La Befana on the epiphany. I'm not clear how much the tradition was exported to the UK?

This is messaging aimed at right-wing newspaper editors and Reform-curious voters, posted on a platform run by a fascist who openly opposes UK and European values, by a Labour government. Aside from its immorality, this ensures that Scottish and Welsh Labour have no chance in next year's elections.

I do not think the USA in its current state is capable of handling Scotland playing Brazil, in Miami, with an 11pm kickoff

The Tartan Army in Boston for an entire week my god

Why is the Fifa peace trophy composed of a rotting earth held up by decaying zombie hands??

Haiti will be favourites but I reckon we could scrape a draw

BBC policy of presenter scripts saying “biological males who identify as women” as an addendum to every mention of “trans women” really is sickening

"I spoke to one 80-year-old woman who has been in our organisation for decades, who said it was one of the greatest experiences of her life, and the only place in her 80 years where she’s been treated as a woman with respect.” What does this do for women's rights?

Let's do them in the same venue too

thought this was an Onion headline

I wish journalists would put a tenth of the time they're spending on the 'did the Chancellor mislead us' story into investigating the likely impact of spending decisions. I get it - the finances of a budget are a nightmare & it's easier to run with reactions - but none of this is really helpful.

Why the two-child limit has to go, in a chart.

It is bone numbingly cold in Edinburgh this evening, but on the other hand it was BEAUTIFUL up Arthur's Seat earlier on

Clive James writes about how he tried to do the Paul Heinreid thing of lighting two cigarettes to give one to an attractive girl at a party, only for her to say she didn’t smoke, meaning he had to carry on smoking both simultaneously like a walrus.

The Scotland midfielder Scotland’s’s sensational overhead kick against Denmark is being reviewed by Guinness World Records after claims from supporters that it could be the highest aerial strike ever scored

The only solace in watching the horror of the Scotland game is thinking how irritated Greek Liam would find it, knowing you had lost out on automatic qualification because of this Scotland team. Don't get me wrong- I would still rather be Greek Liam than Current Scottish Liam, but still.

We have chaos and Ed Miliband, they're just not evenly distributed.

and so we move one step closer to the creation of Hitler Park

Guardian had a story today on fears that the government's early release policy re prisoners could put domestic violence survivors at risk. It did not make the front page. www.theguardian.com/society/2025...

Delighted to announce I've been asked to reboot the Bond franchise. My current plan is to remake each film - exactly as they were - but with child actors, and as a TV series. 9 hour long episodes per film/season. Jaws will be played by the gangliest kid I can find - no acting experience required.

applying for jobs again

Anyone know how you teach a 2 year old to pronounce the word "fork" properly? Or how to stop bellowing the word when they do say it? I won't lie, it is becoming quite embarrassing

I'm not writing it but 'who is Scotland's Zohran Mamdani?' would be a really fun sketch. Lot of space to have fun there

we can chalk it up to youth and inexperience but the biggest mistake the mamdani campaign made was winning by 8.8% and not 1.5%, which is the margin needed for the media to say it’s a total mandate

“Bark Park is not simply a museum. It is simultaneously my home, my laboratory, and a living environment inhabited by my own creations. Its strength lies in that integration — where I live, love, and invent among my wows." This is an excellent story www.dunfermlinepress.com/news/2559442...

That's actually only one of the lies from Goodwin here. He is also lying about having any friends.

The [redacted for legal reasons] formerly known as Prince

The next election is in May.

Catherine Connolly got more votes than any other president in history - any pol corr or commentator trying to convince you that the story is actually the spoiled votes is showing you their whole arse, and should be treated accordingly.

lol.

huge respect for this

polanski is doing well because the strategy of everybody to his right has been hippy punching for what feels like forever and there are now enough hippies who don’t like being punched to show up in polling

On my way to Aberdeen for SNP conference. The train is delayed because a dog got on the track "and ran around for a while". They didn't say where it happened- i couldn't see a dog at waverley. A very fancy looking older lady got on the train and said someone was in her seat. He got up to move...