I’m living and learning a lot today

I’m playing some more of the video game. It’s something called “Nuclear Throne”. These video game doohickeys have promise, I hope someone makes another game sometime

My wife left open the gate to the yard and I ran out into the street. I could have really hurt myself.

don't ever put your whole heart and mind into something that someone else owns and if that's the cost of making it then don't make it. that's how I feel about our incredibly brief time on this earth.

We need to permanently retire "get that bag" and bring back the shame of selling out!! Sorry!!

every time I see an A-list actor in an ad for some slot machine phone game, I think about how Bill Murray's character in Lost in Translation doing advertisements is framed as basically the highest form of humiliation an actor could go through.

[Me walking around with the heat off] wow it’s kinda chilly around here isn’t it

As a compromise we should be allowed to watch the movie on our phones in the theater

the solution to the male lonliness epedemic is 69 cent bean burritos

humans evolved from the apes noah saved

Kidney named bean:

I'll say "okie dokie" from time to time but i don't make it my entire personality

It's with heavy hearts that we share that Claude, our beloved albino alligator, has passed away at the age of 30. Claude brought joy to millions of people at the Academy and across the world during his 17 year tenure. We will miss him dearly. 🤍

You haven't heard music until you've listened to it on a flatscreen

every 3 to 4 episodes of iron chef the introductory voice over will say some shit like "If memory serves me right... The French have a saying about butter and salt. Butter is the Wife's Womb of cooking. And salt... Is the Husband's Rock Hard Cock"

Eating my big cartoon food item with a bone in it

bolsanaro reportedly upset about going to prison because it’s taking him away from his true passion, going to the hospital

not now quarter pounder with cheese

Why couldn’t the pirate captain Bluetooth hear his pet bird singing? He forgot to parrot

today is the day to do important male activities like alternating saying "THE GRID" in a jeff bridges voice and "THE BOUNCER" in a the bouncer voice as you slowly caramelize a pan of onions for 45 minutes

Sloppenheimer

The ancient Gamer Wards are failing, their power long since spent. Before long I fear that the gamer will break the seal and be freed once more

Swabshuckle

Sorry I can’t talk right now, I have quad damage

i hate going to sleep because night time is da best babey!!!! day is boring BOOOO and too hot BOOOOOOOOOOOO we hate the day time we’re raccoons ok we’re owls and we’re crawling / flying around and doing NIGHT TIME SHIT like READING WIKIPEDIA

The Steam Controller has some tough competition

I don’t think anyone should purchase games from Nintendo or their subsidiaries

We were a tan army man family. My father found some green army men under my bed while I was away at camp (coding boot camp ) and made me eat the whole battalion of little green army men to teach me a lesson. A lesson I will never forget

Moron Thatlater

Kennel level anticheat

Sif - watercolour and acryla gouache

I feel like we're like one month away from something crazy or weird happening

Smoking that horseradish

Hitting that mustard vape

If you seek health care, you are unhealthy. Why should we listen to your perverted demands? You're diseased. You are a sick individual.

Gavin Newton

i would not be awed by the geico gecko if i met him or grateful for the money he's saved me on my car insurance. i would immediately step on him

This is what they took from you

I’llll be hooome for [king harkinian voice] dinner!

Hey Gavin you paying attention big boy? See how it’s done?

one misanthrope says to the other "youre really pissing me off right now"