We will just have to win in next year. UTA forever 🔴⚪️

I am zen 🔴⚪️

BREAKING: Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem have also withdrawn from the Freedom 250 celebration.

A law of headlines where if it says "whisper it" then they're talking fanciful bollocks they want to be true but isn't

Has he got a load of red hats he needs to sell?

Obviously I’ve had all the windows open today, and just now, while I was playing some music, the living room door slammed shut at the exact moment that opening snare drum crashes in the intro to She Sells Sanctuary by The Cult, and I have genuinely never felt more alive.

As an anthropologist, I endorse this message!

british fan chat

Honestly, one of the funniest tweets I've ever seen.

a horse walks into a bar and says to the barman, "on a right angled triangle with sides x, y and z, if x and z are perpendicular which side is opposite the right angle?", and the barman says "y, the long face"

It seems to me that you lived your life like a candle or some shit

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

OK, so *now* do we understand what it means to actually genuinely properly support a football team? Good. Take notes. And enjoy. UTA 🔴⚪️🏆

Trophy update: podium being constructed by one bloke who is clearly paid by the hour 🏆🔴⚪️

Can we get on with the trophy ceremony please. Season starts soon ffs

Steve Parish: "Congratulations to Arsenal on winning the league. Give us five minutes will you?"

spurs last season 38 points, this season 41 points, trust the process

UK TV alert.....Fever Pitch is on Ch4 2310 ⚽️👏🏻😬😍

Every summer I repost this article on how to spot drowning. Please read it and pass on. In the last few years I’ve had SIX messages from people who saved a kid’s life after clicking on the link from my feed. slate.com/technology/2...

We have BIG NEWS... Schrodinger's Cat Burglar is OUT NOW! ⚛️ Brain-twisting quantum puzzles 👥 Play in both solo or coop 🔬Plenty of secrets and hidden areas 🎨Full cat customisation! store.steampowered.com/app/2111550/...

Times are difficult but I feel we should take inspiration from this plucky spud

This story, insofar as it deals with the National Railway Museum, is utterly absurd. If you rock up to a museum event expecting to dump a load of stuff on the staff, and are then surprised to be politely refused, then you clearly have no idea what museums are for. www.cityam.com/a-state-of-t...

extremely mortal kombat voice:

Confirmed, Mikel made it to the nightclub ✅

🎆

The U14 grassroots team I coach get to train here, at the Rocky & Wrighty Arena in SE London. We are incredibly fortunate to have this space available, and tonight there was a hugely competitive match on that hallowed (astro)turf. And then Arsenal only went an won the Premier League ❤️🤍🏆

Wait… I’m just expected to go into work like it’s a normal day tomorrow? Wtf is this bullshit?! Don’t they know??

History rhymes and repeats sometimes.

What a night. What a team. What a season. What a journey. These were not big, ready-made stars. This was a team of youngsters, misfits and cast-offs, blended into the greatest defence the world has ever seen. I have so much love for this group.

A must watch. 🥹 This belongs to all of us. 🏆 Via Arsenal (IG) 🔴⚪

🏆 ARSENAL ARE CHAMPIONS 🏆

Believe. Keep the faith. Support the club. Back the players. Don’t snipe. Don’t bicker. Don’t panic. Believe. #AFC 🔴⚪️

You could make some people a lovely hot cup of tea on a cold winters day, and they’d still manage to complain about the name of the cow that provided the milk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you’re lucky, you’re on this earth for maybe, what, 70, 80 years? Is it really too much to ask you to just leave other people alone and let them try to have a nice life without being be an absolute fucking nob head about it?

Huge apologies to @tim-stillman who I just hijacked at Whitechapel overground, after our 1-0 home win. UTA 🔴⚪️😎

I’ve been doing this for 48 years, lads. UTA 🔴⚪️

Me, whenever I stub my toe.

Yeah mate, I’ve had that, when you are carrying a big stack and the middle ones fall out, massive pain.

New research shows that more people abandoned Labour because they were too tough on immigration - and because of their support for Israel - than because they were too soft on immigration.

This is great, isn’t it? Welcome everyone.

I repeat: THE PITT is saving television. And not in the flippant, "I just really like it" way. THE PITT has a full writers room, full crew, full seasons and is wildly popular. It's the type of TV that execs thought was dead, and, most importantly, it's the type of TV viewers will always crave.

In 2017, Criselda Vasquez painted this portrait of her parents and titled it "The New American Gothic." Last month, her father, the man in this portrait, was abducted by ICE after being in the US for 30+ years. The family is now struggling with bills. A GoFundMe has been started: gofund.me/456d8a193

Warning to Makerfield residents: I'd do an absolutely MASSIVE big shop now, because for the next two months you're not gonna be able to make it from one end of the high street to the other without being besieged by BBC hacks asking you brain-meltingly inane questions

Ed “Hell yes I’m tough enough” Milliband versus Ed “give me some duct tape, a precision screwdriver and 15 minutes alone with him” Milliband.

me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom you: you DO have kids me: WHAT