Living in weather denial as evidenced by my caprese sandwich

POV you’re spying on me after my shower

Trying is my kink

My ability to lose something while I’m literally standing on a ladder is like a cruel magic trick

I love when I’m scrolling the feed liking everything and I’m like gee I’m getting a lot from one person and then I go back to the top and I was just on their profile and forgot

bluesky is not for being popular bluesky is for being insane

Was trying to remember a Will Forte quote from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie and accidentally figured out how to make Google’s AI tool shut up

Dear cat, we do not need to poop together. I do not consider this a social activity. The unbroken eye contact is particularly unsettling

I imagine it was extremely disturbing

stop making me look at those horrible men

Happy Mardi Gras friends and strangers and all the rest

I came here to chew bubblegum and cherish you and I just swallowed my bubblegum

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Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

Awww got sent this

I once volunteered to be strapped to a table and flogged on a stage and this is still the most masochistic thing I’ve ever done

POV you’re spying on me sleeping

‘Flash behind the butt joint’ isn’t nearly as fun of an instruction as it sounds

today is a great day to be a slutty bisexual

lie back and let me take care of you baby (I unhinge my jaw and consume your entire body)

Getting really tired of muttering “that’s not reassuring” to myself.

Gambino’s 4 lyfe

My favorite part of The Bitch in Apartment whatever was van der Beek’s portrayal of van der Beek. Totally endearing

*increasingly panicked* become ungovernable

Telling my partner, “I love you more or less every day”

I don’t need AI to encourage my bad habits that’s what group chat is for

Do you think the Tapatío guy and the Cholula lady ever explored each other’s bodies

Everyone in this grocery store has bad hair

This Super Bowl Sunday, I’d like to introduce you all to the magical curse bowls used in Upper Mesopotamia and Syria in late antiquity. Written in Mandaic (as here) or Syriac Aramaic, they trap demons who trespass on a household by sucking them in with spiraling spells to the center of the bowl.

I love all the articles that are like hey white boy here’s a primer on Bad Bunny so you don’t come across as an idiot

GM: Charisma check. Mamdani: [rolls natural 20] GM: that’s a d6 how did you Mamdani: [direct to camera] Did you know you can check out board games at your local public library? 😊

I may not have a MBA or whatever but I do know that if Adobe just sold CS5 for $300 they’d have a gajillion dollars by tomorrow

Florence + the Machine covering Tori Amos FUCK yeah youtu.be/C4SUY_fosts?...

willy nilly, or William Nihilism if ur nasty

we should all do more things willy nilly

I don’t like the way baking powder makes me feel when I try to scoop it

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I wish I could quit you, Silksong. You’re fucking abusively cruel

Alert: The platonic ideal of a Bluesky post has been created

The land is behind what you see on the road

Almost time to slip into something more comfortable. A dissociation coma.

Nuremberg trials for ICE is the moderate position