My phone marked oomfs wedding information as spam 😔

Mckenzie’s haters are praying on her downfall (her closest and dearest friends manifesting an unplanned pregnancy to befall her bc we all elected her the best candidate to produce a friend group baby) @hauntedmck.bsky.social

Teddy erasure honestly

I wish every hot gay woman in Nashville would come to Deadly

Major key

Mandela effect but it’s me swearing that Max’s used to be a late night bar as they drag me away for my lobotomy at 10pm sharp

My work bestie is telling her girlfriend that I’m her work bestie…life is worth living

@bradyheyen.bsky.social circa NYE 2024

I dreamed I had to freestyle at a party and I rhymed “Atlanta” with “bleach and tone like Tana”

It’s actually great having one Christian friend bc I use McKenzie as my outlet to send incredibly niche scripture related memes to

Now what compelled me to make this entry yesterday lmfaooo

Madi keeps acquiring substances on the walk from the bar to my apartment

Madi referring to everyone’s behavior at the bar as “frilly nilly” is sending me

The Wrath of a Witham

Ugh people are making Taylor swift x NBA players edits and Katie’s not here to explain the lore to me

Cursed to only have guests the day before my weekly apartment clean 😔😔

💥📢 HAVE A COUPLE KIDS GOT THE WHOLE BLOCK LOOKIN LIKE YOU 💥📢 GOT ME DREAMING BOUT A DRIVEWAY WITH A BASKETBALL HOOP 💥

Ay, caramba

Breathe in with me. WewillnevergetanotherFolkloreorEvermoreitwasflashinthepanlightningstrikesonceshootingstarmagicmakepeacewitthatnowordoomyourselftoaneternalcycleofdissapointment. Breathe out.

Oh hell yeah baby we’re making POP MUSIC again iktr

Celebrities can only dream of what it felt like to be @katiewitham11.bsky.social coming home on college breaks to the adoring audience of six younger siblings

Just saw a baby picture of one of my opps. Fuck 🙄. Now I’m forced to see the inner child that still lives within in them and navigate my perception of them with empathy knowing that truly we were all children once. Fuck 🙄

Thank u to my sugar mommies

“Oh to be a tiny piece of crab cake stuck between Madi’s breasts” - @hauntedmck.bsky.social

Holding up random Alabama football merch at the thrift in an attempt to connect with McKenzie

“Sarah has the attitude of a child emperor sometimes” - @hauntedmck.bsky.social

When the soldiers from the east (me) and the soldiers from the west (McKenzie) begin our march to the battlefield (city thrift) but the troops from the north (Madi) aren’t there to reinforce us because they’ve encounter many obstacles (overslept and not answering our calls)

The other three units in my four unit apartment are all occupied by single middle aged men and I just found out they’re all friends and not including me in their hangouts wtf :/

“I love that your special interest is Looney Tunes Back In Action”

Ugh the new Sabrina carpenter album was such a fucking wash I’m still mad about it

I somehow managed to have couples costume with both Kristen and Katie simultaneously this year

In my nightmares I’m always 17

Should NOT have sat with my two smartest friends for an hour yesterday swapping book recs. Now look at me. A to-read list the size of a library

Chat, how we feeling about my ability to be barefoot for my costume in the club osha basement

“she’s not a lesbian. she’s WORSE - she’s SAPPHIC!!!” @sarebear44.bsky.social

“you need a slight edge of homoeroticism in female friendships to survivel - @sarebear44.bsky.social

I looooove to walk Athena when I’m drunk!!

Hanging out with Anastasia is so funny bc she’ll look me in my eyes and say “our present selves are so beautiful and so cherished, I can only imagine what our future holds” and then order two tequila shots with lime

If I ever call you “just to catch up”, just know it’s psychologically the equivalent of me sawing my own leg off for you

However much you THINK I love living alone…triple it.

Chef said cake-y textured chocolate chip cookies were “republican” and refused to elaborate on that any further

No picture to add to the Matt thread bc it was during a serious conversation but OBSESSED with him pausing mid story to drop “well you guys know when I went to study with Buddhist monks after I got out of the army right?” To complete blank stares from me and McKenzie

Make sure you get your bisexual registration form from Septum Piercing Hall this Bi Visibilty week, baddies!! 💙💜🩷

McKenzie just said she’s “putting her best minds on the job” in regards to my Halloween costume so prepare yourselves accordingly

I love when McKenzie baits us into sharing the sordid details of our sex lives and then she’s like “teheeheeheee🤭…………🧍🏻‍♀️…………………🫵🏻FREAK!!!🫵🏻” @hauntedmck.bsky.social

gahDAMN we’re some funny bitches @sarebear44.bsky.social @madithomas.bsky.social a whole hoot and a half!!

one thing about me is i love a beverage

My sisters don’t know it yet but they’re walking down the aisle to the Twelve Dancing Princesses Theme instrumental as my bridesmaids