My mom gave us $20 to buy candy before this movie and @squeako.bsky.social and I spent it all on ourselves and didn’t give any to Jenny and Lillie 😈

Soon I shall become a biking debutante

They call me Mrs Robitussin

“Mannn the sisters are always doing so much fun stuff” - Brandon baddies

It’s time for someone, and I’m not gonna say who, to go back home

I can’t believe I raised a cold blooded killer

@hottubheiress.bsky.social’s phone unlocked to my face this weekend

Me after going to Morgan wallen’s and kid rock’s in the same night

Miley is the only one to unite red and blue

When you look at me, you’re looking at country!

Jenny and I just beat @squeako.bsky.social’s ass in pool

Ready to get a bunch of Gen Z DRUNK tonight

Winnie’s parkour proclivities make me forget that many dogs have zero spatial awareness

People who have always rooted for winning sports franchises are inferior both mentally and morally

Oh you don’t know the life of a girlboss babe, And you’re never gonna wanna!!

You might be surprised to learn that no children live in this house

She got trapped inside the book circle

If you’re doing more than one Big Chore, you get to buy more than one iced coffee!!

Representation matters @raywitham.bsky.social

Which of Don’s mistresses are you? 🫵

Slurpin the creme out the Cadbury like the marrow out the bone

Impossible to work on a sunny April Friday

I love kickball

Been immediately handing oomf my gum wrappers to discard for years now

The people crave overalls

Tired, painfully painfully tired!

I may have just found Soomf a most excellent birthday gift 😇

My schedule looks like this so her schedule can look like this

Very @idealover.bsky.social coded

Nothing will make you feel like an idiot dum dum like a new job!

You met me at a really You Oughta Know time in my life

It’s mad men o’clock

Oh say does that 3 pound trellis yet waveeee over the raised garden beds in the storm of the springggg

Can’t wait to match @hottubheiress.bsky.social and @kailsalad.bsky.social in the classic trench coat I just scored

Death, taxes, and all my library holds coming in at once

Noomf has gone rogue

Give me 30 minutes and the dregs of an iced coffee and I can plan you an entire bachelorette weekend

A craft riff on Filet o’ Fish hates to see me coming

Neuhoff district, count your days

Oomf’s type is “rough around the edges with a heart o’ gold”

My yard is about to have a major glow up!

March is for smelling like manure

Sending personal record voice memo numbers rn

It’s time for Beatrix Potter Spring

Girlboss in the streets, trad wife in the sheets

Ya can’t keep a girl boss down

Me in response to any question now that I’m unemployed

Whattup Willem Dafoe

Guy I’ve talked to on hinge is on the bachelorette AND is Lana del Rey’s ex fiancée?! That’s music city baby

Networking tizzy