Putting up a clothesline and hang drying our clothes has been an absolute game-changer for our household. We now have roughly 1 hour less free time per week!

My favorite smell is stick

I have to get up before sunrise in order to find the silence necessary to comprehend 20% of the words in my postmodern feminist theology book (don’t worry I’m only reading it performatively, I don’t actually believe in supernatural beings like women)

jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 😌

As a society we’ve spent way too much time on “is a hot dog a sandwich?” and not nearly enough time on “is a rock alive?”

Every time I finish a meal I immediately think “great, I can survive for 4-6 more hours”

As a dad, I like moms.

This is how you should be reading my posts btw

damn y'all are funny

update: halfway there now

Should I get back on here now that half of my followers are offline in the middle of nowhere?

Sometimes for entertainment I like to picture men alone in their living rooms watching youtube compilations of great guitarists

Deleted all my social media apps! 🕊️ It already feels like a lot of mental space has opened up and I'm excited to really focus on online gambling now.

Remember, not everyone sees you the way you see yourself ❤️ For instance, this is how you all appear to me:

They should have a kiss cam at church

My lip routine is as follows: 1. a weekly hot mug of fatty homemade chicken broth, applied liberally 2. filler 3-4x week, as needed

I learned how to screen print

I should get a tax exemption for being an energy worker (making playlists)

The performative male meme is a psyop to sell more matcha (and it worked on me)

I just saw a muscular crepuscular

All the other parents getting out of SUVs at school drop off: 👨🏼‍🦳 “I love my investment portfolio” Me, sucking my thumb: 👶🏼 “goo goo ga ga”

Nothing like a good snack and a good stare

Wasn’t fast enough to make it on the local club’s open decks night but it’s their loss because the set I was cooking up was way too good. So I recorded it for my biggest fans instead 😘 Goldenrod about to bloom, get ready for yellow summer 🌼 on.soundcloud.com/rk5uKZazkuA3...

🧛

I love being a man we’re so stupid

I came of age in 1972

Recently, a brown recluse did an aerial silks performance for me. And no I’m not just poetically describing how it built its web. It lowered down in front of my face like it was the last leg of a world tour and put on a gd Show

They took my boy Chuck Cheese and stripped him for parts. The franchise is a shell of its former self 🧎🏼‍♂️

I post shit like this all the time on here yet where’s my wikipedia page?

Finally got invited to the neighborhood slack group after 3 years 🙌

I love putting Kelly to sleep with a lecture about all the ideologies I’m currently into

Linguists are saying the combinatorial possibilities of these three symbols could replace 90% of written languages

Quality time with some of the greatest guys I know 🥰

Who wants to camp out at the Nashville Tesla Tunnel construction site until Elon slips on some stinky milk and hits his head too hard?

Don’t text don’t call I’m working

If you’re reading this please grab hold of your Silliness dial and crank that thing up by about 10%

Cargo shorts/pants are unnecessary 98% of the time but during that 2% where you need to carry a bunch of little things they are like manna sent from heaven

Deleted a doomer post yesterday about Earth Overshoot Day because I hate being that guy. But I do think it’s worth knowing the reality of our situation, so in case anyone is unaware, I’ll skip the doom and just say: Humans are using 1.8x more than Earth can support Americans are using 5.1x more

(Asking about character motivations in a movie) “Why do you think they did that?” S: “Because the people that made it decided to make them do that.”

Okay I misread this as a ND-specific species. The greater sage-grouse is STILL found across many states/provinces in western North America. So they’re not gone gone (yet) There has been some conservation work, but as the story goes: the machine’s gotta eat

RIP to this incredible and bizarre species 😔 I only just learned about them from the documentary Winged Migration (a must-watch for anyone reading this)

My latest hyperfixation playlist: this 7 hour journey I made for Kelly's bday party. A chill warm up then wind down, perfect for long boozy nights at home. sophisticated > sexy > sleepy www.tunemymusic.com/share/HRg6vZ...

No I will not elaborate on my thesis connecting liberalism, colonialism, and piss drinkers

I want to thank SoundCloud, Caffeine, and the Sun for the full body chills I received at 8am today

Bugsong now 🦗

I love when the vibe of a place is “yeah we have a public bathroom but we really don’t want you to find it or ask about it”

I hate when I mistake my reflection for my self

They should have made ME Justin Bieber 😡