Erica
@scbchbum.bsky.social
đ€ 3843
đ„ 160
đ 218
knucklehead
pinned post!
me: how old is your baby? her: 46 weeks me, struggling with the math: may i offer him a beer?
11 months ago
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Erica
Bazecraze
3 months ago
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would it kill dmv to get a fuckin ring light?
about 2 months ago
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i travel with my own pillowcase. not high-maintenance- just pre-disappointed.
5 months ago
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Kim
9 months ago
Iâm not using my turn signal anymore. Itâs none of your business where Iâm going.
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i feel like theyâre rolling their eyes, making the jerk off motion at me.
9 months ago
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Erica
thanks for sharing your moon with me on instagram. we don't have a moon where i live.
11 months ago
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without looking crazy, how long can you wave your hands under a paper towel dispenser until you realize it's a manual one? (pls say 30 secs)
9 months ago
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Viktor Winetrout
over 1 year ago
There should be a three day waiting period before you can buy an acoustic guitar
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âfuck you, elderly people!â -restaurants with QR codes for menus
9 months ago
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Erica
jon
10 months ago
âIâm going to kamikaze-attack you with my ass knife now.â -bees
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thank you for the thank you card. can we end this thank you cycle now?
10 months ago
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my tax man asked me why my W-2s smell like french fries, in case youâre wondering how the new yearâs going.
10 months ago
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giving a $25 gift card for pottery barn is a good way of letting someone know you donât want them having anything from pottery barn.
10 months ago
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january 1st: this is the year i turn it all around & get healthy! january 2nd: ran out of sugar so i put lucky charms marshmallows in my coffee
10 months ago
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happy valentineâs day, everyone!
10 months ago
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sorry i didn't read the entire 3 paragraphs you posted on instagram below your picture, but i liked it anyway because i trust you.
10 months ago
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i always know when something i say is hilarious because my mom says âthatâs not funny, erica.â
10 months ago
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Erica
Travis comma bitch
10 months ago
showering and then putting on my daytime pajamas
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it doesnât matter how many stars a hotel has. youâll always find one star hotel people in the pool.
10 months ago
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hiking is not a hobby. itâs what you do when you run out of gas.
10 months ago
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Erica
Drew Schnoebelen
10 months ago
Itâs hard to dunk on cyber truck owners any worse than what they regularly do to themselves
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this elderly couple doesnât have gps, so i drew them a map on a cocktail napkin like a goddamn conquistador.
10 months ago
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i sense my dadâs crushing disappointment that i donât know wtf an orbital palm sander is, but i can sure think of 3 dick jokes about it.
10 months ago
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i guess iâve reached âhangover me feels exactly like regular meâ years old.
10 months ago
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Erica
donni saphire
10 months ago
When will they invent a drug you can take that fixes other people
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iâm âswallow my vitamins with a swig of beerâ kind of healthy.
10 months ago
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Erica
ceej
10 months ago
âChristmas Crackerâ is what they call Santa Claus in England
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Erica
Quinn Sutherland
10 months ago
But do you recall The most famous reindeer of all?
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never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table. itâs what they want.
10 months ago
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my coworker just bought herself a handbag for $2200 and there wasnât even any cocaine in it.
10 months ago
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had no idea which dentist to go to until i saw a flyer on a utility box outside taco bell.
10 months ago
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imagine eating an entire box of fruity pebbles before being murdered. what an embarrassing autopsy that would be.
10 months ago
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Erica
Viktor Winetrout
10 months ago
6yo: Whatâs it like being a grown up? Me: Remember when Nana gave you a birthday card with no money in it?
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spread holiday cheer by not parking like an asshole.
10 months ago
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Erica
Jason
10 months ago
Carry On (suspense/thriller): A passengerâs neck pillow now counts as a carry on item? For real? You gotta be kidding me with this shit. This is why everybody hates you assholes. No, YOUâRE out of line!!!
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âshareâ size peanut m&mâs puts way too much pressure on me to be a good person.
10 months ago
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every scooby doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
10 months ago
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Erica
Forrest Plump
10 months ago
She was rare, like a sensible Tesla driver
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overheard a lady telling security her drink was drugged & now iâm annoyed because i had no idea i could order one that way.
10 months ago
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Erica
Mike Primavera
10 months ago
I wonât be making it to your party. All I have are beautiful Christmas sweaters.
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Erica
Viktor Winetrout
10 months ago
Kids say the funniest things. Today our 4-year-old said, âA n g e l s s h a l l t r e m b l e a t m y m e r c i l e s s w r a t hâ
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Erica
i bet the worst part of being a mall santa is trying to find a pair of boots to comfortably accommodate the ankle monitor.
11 months ago
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if you need a meatloaf recipe or advice on tarnish removal, just ask an elderly person for directions to the nearest gas station.
10 months ago
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Erica
Greg
10 months ago
Different vibe entirely if he was just Bill Wonka, damned glad to meet you. Firm handshake. Knows your grandad.
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if i pull these 'one size fits all' tights up any higher, i guess iâll be doing a bank robbery.
10 months ago
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putting a â?â as the ending time on a party invitation is a good way of letting everyone know youâre an alcoholic.
10 months ago
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my favorite part of slamming the door & making a dramatic exit is when i have to sneak back in to get my keys.
10 months ago
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iâve never been interrogated by police, but i have tried buying a 2nd box of Claritin D in less than a month, so i get it.
10 months ago
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Erica
Amanda
almost 2 years ago
got all the gifts under the tree
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Erica
brent
almost 2 years ago
a christmas parade but itâs going the speed limit
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