Mike Primavera
@primawesome.bsky.social
📤 11201
📥 41
📝 473
Writer
Sometimes when I'm feeling bad about myself, I'm reminded that there are serial killers out there, and one day they'l probably have a Nettlix series, and I won't. This didn't help.
1 day ago
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I picked a dead bee up off the windowsill today. Up close, they're really quite beautiful. Although, beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
1 day ago
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Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it sucks. It's just not for you. But let me be clear. Cold weather flip-flop guy sucks.
3 days ago
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Anus would be a solid boys name if it didn't mean butthole.
4 days ago
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All I need are my dogs.
5 days ago
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She had a smile like the sun, yellow and hard to look at.
6 days ago
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The flowchart my brain has to go through before safely farting gets longer every year.
7 days ago
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Yes, as a matter of fact I was wearing this shirt yesterday. I only have like 4 shirts, and I don't really appreciate your judgment. "OH LOOK AT ME I'M BIG JOHNNY 10 SHIRTS." NOT EVERYONE HAS YOUR FRIVOLOUS SHIRT BUDGET, BRO.
8 days ago
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I have no patience for pomegranates. I don't have time to solve your fruit puzzle.
9 days ago
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Don't waste your Sunday evening worrying about your weekend almost ending. Instead, worry that tonight is the night you find out the ghost who grabs your feet at the end of the bed is real.
10 days ago
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The good stuff.
12 days ago
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My dog if she got 3 wishes.
15 days ago
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Send help.
16 days ago
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The most annoying haunting would be in a studio apartment. Like, bro, I see you.
16 days ago
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I hate when I think about breathing so then I have to manually breath for a few minutes until I think about something else and it goes back on autopilot.
17 days ago
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I wish there was a way to keep in touch with dogs I meet outside of grocery stores.
21 days ago
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If you got the calves for it…
22 days ago
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I'm a "hahaha" person living in a "lol" world.
24 days ago
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I like arugula because it's good for me, delicious, and an old fashioned car horn sound.
25 days ago
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Sweatpants and a flannel. So woodsy and cozy. Look out, world. Here comes the Slumberjack.
26 days ago
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Call me a slumberjack the way I be sawing these logs.
27 days ago
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My top comics from @primawesomecomics on IG in 2025.
27 days ago
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Strive for perfection.
28 days ago
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Enjoy your New Year's Eve party. I'll be hunkered down with my dog being traumatized by fireworks like she's in a WWI trench.
28 days ago
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There if you need it.
about 1 month ago
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Eggnog has got to be one of the top 5 nogs.
about 1 month ago
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If anyone is looking for a last minute Christmas gift for me I would love to be hunted for sport.
about 1 month ago
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No sequel here.
about 1 month ago
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If you’re ever worried you suck at talking to women, one time on a first date a woman said I have nice bone structure so I said she could have my skull when I’m dead.
about 1 month ago
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I thought trimming my beard like Wolverine would make me look cool but | just look like his fat Italian cousin Wolveroni.
about 1 month ago
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You ever take one of those pointy poops? One that's thick and feels like it's made out of crushed up tortilla chips? Right as it's coming out you feel the scratching and you're like "oh man I'm gonna knock a lot of pictures off the wall getting this couch out the back door."
about 1 month ago
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He got game.
about 1 month ago
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Holiday parties in the Midwest are great because someone will bring a casserole dish of gummy bears with cake frosting on it and be like "oh you like that? that's my gran's Christmas salad."
about 2 months ago
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You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can't take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
about 2 months ago
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They’re gorgeous.
about 2 months ago
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Take it back.
about 2 months ago
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Legolas’ early years internship.
about 2 months ago
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My Christmas tree will die slowly on display. Just like Jesus.
about 2 months ago
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My 20s: *sees NBA player wearing custom shoes at game* I need those shoes. My 40s: *sees 90 year old woman wearing Reebok’s at a Pho restaurant* Those must be comfortable.
about 2 months ago
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Hey baby does the carpet match the ugly Christmas sweater?
about 2 months ago
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The real war on Christmas is when the US government finds out there's oil in the North Pole.
about 2 months ago
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It’s all I want.
about 2 months ago
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ACAB includes reindeer gatekeeping reindeer games.
about 2 months ago
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ACAB includes The Grinch.
about 2 months ago
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“I said put your shoes back on, heathen.”
about 2 months ago
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A deal is a deal.
2 months ago
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The dam is about to burst.
2 months ago
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I ate so much yesterday I should probably drink my coffee on the toilet this morning.
2 months ago
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My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
2 months ago
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I thought Canadian Thanksgiving was a sex move.
2 months ago
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