[to mafia thugs extorting me in a “protection” racket] excuse me, but you took an oath to protect me

is it not weird that every day there’s a new video of anonymous masked men having the time of their lives beating/shooting/disappearing people and the dem response from the top down is “republicans want to double your health insurance premiums”

anxiously wandering downtown enderlin, looking at signs like "nasty bar," "inconsiderate pub," "rude taphouse" until i spot the friendly tavern and am visibly relieved as i wipe the fearful sweat from my brow

Hi! My name is Williams. This is embarrassing... I'm hungry, I'm weak. Do you have something to eat? Anything! Ohhhhh....my tummy!

fifty years after the second nuremberg trials there are gonna be kids going into their grandfathers basement and finding these in carefully hidden display cases

I think we’ve hit peak saturation of overdifficult roguelikes and cozywholesome slop. Could there potentially be a market for medium games designed for normal guys who suck

she is going Lovely Mode

[wormy dipshit whose entire lifestyle and worldview is propped up by direct and indirect violence that they are privileged enough to be insulated from, and who only speaks up for an ethical respect for human life when the most wicked devils alive finally get theirs voice] I condemn all violence!

(Average conversation with my wife) Wife: I'm going to become a mad scientist and replace your hands with energy cannons. Me: Why??? Wife: So you'll be able to target flying enemies... Me: Oh that's true... I guess I don't have any ranged options currently. Wife: I am always thinking of you.

driving the action figure car around town. Running errands in my toy. Im 56 and my movie car sounds like a lawnmower on the highway

dark cooper tribute

Oh...um... My wife is calling me. Excuse me.

when no one objected to this, thats when the fat cats realized they could get away with anything

One of hundreds of people abducted by ICE and sold to slavery in El Salvador was a 19 year old with no criminal record in the US or Venezuela and no tattoos of any kind. An ICE kidnapper who grabbed him outside his house said, "He's not the one." The other said, "Take him anyway." So they did.

every medium-sized city has 17 bakeries called like “outlaw bakehouse” or something and everything they sell is rock hard, and there’s always a line going out the door

They are officially not letting trans people in this country. FYI

not to get political but all politicans should experience the effects of my special device

Experimental post: Dubious Statements from Official Sources In the spirit of April Fools' Day but without sacrificing the Supper Mario Broth veracity policy, I have compiled a variety of statements that are bizarre, but were published in official Nintendo-authorized sources.

really dont understand how hbo max doesnt have all of the movies and shows warner bros owns. You cant afford your own movies? youre that broke?

and my #1 all time favorite thing i've ever seen in a baseball chat

hello cis friends this is what people mean by trans genocide if a type of person does not officially exist, then any harm against them cannot be measured or reported this headline change isn't even being caused by an executive order it's simply the NYT editors deciding we don't deserve to exist

Hello dale

Various corporations love to withdraw 24.99 from my checking account constantly

how come woods are always Forbidden or Lost. let’s have the Welcoming Woods

Obviously it’s a fascist country they had to make him look like a murderer to sell it here, 🧵

i can offer no guidance for what we have to do to fix all of this, but i do enjoy reading the wikipedia article about how mussolini got strung up like a hog en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_o...

love when cat food tins refer to the contents as an “entree”. dishonest yet playful

We are literally supposed to have fun like puppy dogs with our tails wagging. Jot that down.

what can you say about the democratic party other than that it has a bright future ahead of it and an abundance of politically savvy supporters online

Drop the T #Chrismas

nobody wants to take the time to praise the humble red onion. But where would we be without her

DUANE BARRY! DUANE BARRY! DUANE BARRY! www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v4...

they call it the muchroom kingdom cause theres so much room to run and jump and play with mario

really nobody on this earth i hate more than nate silver. Just a pathetic little worm of a man

Bastardous chomper

when trump had the election fraud hotline thing after the election i called probably 100 times but 4 or 5 times i called and put on this old country boy accent and did this long preamble about how i went to the polling place that ended with me telling them i saw a dog standing up like a man voting

You may have seen images of a Wario plush being sold under the name "Terrorist Louis". I present the most likely sequence of events through which the plush could have ended up with that name.

I don't sense anything.

I'm thinking about Marcellus Williams and how this system prioritizes the finality of its edicts above all else. The murder the state of Missouri plans to commit today is happening in defense of the state's right to kill without answering to the people or to reality itself.

finally finishing DS9 and my conclusion is that we shouldnt know that much about Worf’s personal life beyond an occasional reveal that he enjoys Fruit By The Foot or hula hoops, things of that nature

it’s no wonder the older generations are so stupid. You hit 30 and your brain starts pumping some really strange chemicals into you. I saw the newest jeep model on the street today and thought “I wouldnt mind driving that”