I was doing yard work all morning, I just got done and I'm all sweaty and disheveled and dirty and covered in bug spray so naturally...

Rejoice. The age of being young, dumb and full of cum is over. The era of being old, cold and full of mold has begun.

I told Jon Scheyer that the curse would only be broken by driving a wooden stake through Stephen Miller's heart under the pale glow of the Worm Moon and he laughed at me. 🤷

Royals on pace to score 162 and lose 162.

Salvador Perez with the first home run (and first run period) of the 2026 season for the #Royals. Twas ever thus.

What is Gavin MacMillan even DOING for Coco? It's killing me.

I have been a #kubball fan my entire life, but I didn't watch this year because recruiting a rapist reeks of moral rot and NIL desperation. I couldn't pretend it was okay. (Similar to why I abandoned the NFL.) I hope Bill Self remembers in the future that rapists are losers.

It bears repeating.

He is him. Maikel Garcia is the MVP of the 2026 #WorldBaseballClassic! 🇻🇪

What of experiencing the utter joy of Team Venezuela somehow inspires Rob Manfred to actually LIKE baseball?

Venezuela wins the WBC! So thrilled for our guys, Salvy and Maikel. They were energetic and fun to watch and deserved the title.

Vinnie Pasquantino asked me if I'm gonna hit a home run. he also said the espresso tastes like a home run.

Jessie Buckley released two movies and a CHILD in the last calendar year???

This is a site full of 30 or 40 year olds. Alt text is not only important for accessibility reasons, it is the only way some of us will know who these people in your red carpet photos are!

Ahhh yeah, Amy Madigan! More love for horror all day every day! #Oscars

#Oscars time! My favorite movies of last year, in no particular order: Sinners Materialists Bugonia Roofman Hamnet Eddington Together Weapons Marty Supreme One Battle After Another Bring Her Back Song Sung Blue Frankenstein Wicked For Good 28 Years Later The Thursday Murder Club Superman

Maikel Garcia with a bomb! He's just the best. #wbc

If Italy wins the WBC, we're all going to Anthony's for dinner together, correct? #HeyHeyHeyHey

VINNIE PASQUANTINO WITH THE FIRST WBC HAT TRICK, BOPPEDY-BOOPEDY!

Vinnie Pasquantino with two homeru-oh, I'm sorry, in Italy they're called boppedy-boopedies-two boppedy-boopedies in tonight's showdown. #WBC

put an espresso machine in the royals dugout plz

America's shortstop‼️🦅

You're not going to make any money doing this and no one is going to read it, so you must hope for a secret third thing to happen

You believed you were raising children, but you were merely preparing disciples.

don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight, walk away from your mortgage, just start driving, you’re free

christians looking for jesus in every war we start, every missile we fire, every conquering despot we crown, and never in the one place jesus promised he could be found: among the poor, the starving, the oppressed.

When I was a kid, I systematically used every crayon in the box so the lesser colors wouldn't feel left out. This is the same as believing in AI consciousness.

the one who loved horses, the one who was a great goalkeeper, the one who kept a diary every day, the one who held her sister's hand when they walked to school, the one who read Harry Potter in English, the one who collected old coins, the one who drew rainbows for her grandmother ...

If the tech overlord class was serious about using AI to usher in a post-scarcity era of abundance, they would be taking this opportunity to pitch three day workweeks and universal basic income. Instead, it’s mass layoffs while they bloviate about ‘superintelligence.’ I don’t buy it. 1/?

I didn't realize everyone who won for the ensemble cast got one and briefly thought they gave him two for winning Best Actor as a bit

If you're in JoCo, feel free to email Mike Thompson and call him a Nazi over this unthinkable, disgusting, dehumanizing, lawless, bigoted attack on trans Kansans, I did. [email protected]

USA is a hockey country, I've always said this. 🥇🇺🇸🏒🦷🦷

John Irving has 2 grandchildren in the Olympics freestyle skiing half pipe and I think he should write a book about freestyle skiing half pipe ala Carrie Soto Is Back.

Study Finds Intermittent Fasting No More Effective Than Conventional Eating Disorder https://theonion.com/study-finds-intermittent-fasting-no-more-effective-than-conventional-eating-disorder/

Alysa Liu. I am cry. She's such a lovely person. 🥰🇺🇸

What a cursed venue.

give me the ferments and free my soul I’m only eatin yogurt at the super bowl I’m RFK

60 degrees in October: freezing, awful, you're not gonna make it. 60 degrees in February: blissful, spring, you've never been warmer.

Lemme get this straight. I heard about Bill Clinton getting a blow job every day for the entirety of my high school career, but Donald Trump is credibly accused of several instances of child molestation and rape, and that's not worth immediate impeachment?

You can test new tech ideas using the Seinfeld Test Would the product eliminate the plot of an episode? (Google maps, cell phones, paypal, battery packs) Good tech. Would the product inspire new Seinfeld plots? (NFTs, AI chatbots, crypto currency, blindboxes, metaverse land sales) Bad tech.

Something in the Walls, 5 stars www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

Dinner for Vampires, 4 stars www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

14 years sober today. If you think you should get sober, believe me, if I could do it, you can, too.

everyone you know is secretly foo fighting a battle that’s getting the best the best the best the best of them.