mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one

I turned 16 in 1998 so replying to this would be cheating

Rats have begun leaving the ship. To recognize what that says about the ship's future has nothing to do with Handing It To the rats

If it’s any consolation that was the most Saban era loss of this tenure

Ryan Williams really needs to take a study abroad year

lol just saw the TAMU score

This ball game is amazing

i can’t talk about sports gambling anymore without sounding like a crank but i do believe legalized sports gambling is like 15-20% responsible for our current dystopia

I’m gonna miss our only true poster Senator

DAMMIT!!!!!!!! i was looking forward to purchasing something called a "brownstone"

Growing up in wealthy NJ I knew so many people who bragged about their proximity to Trump. Really feel like Facebook messaging them being like “hey, how are you holding up? You didn’t know about the Epstein stuff right? ☹️🙏”

Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.

with the holidays upon us please enjoy my favorite miss manners column (circa 2002)

Help mom I’m being bullied by 87 year old novella writer Joyce Carol Oates again can you pick me up

🚨🚨 Wolves with the shot clock turned off correctly held the ball without turning it over and scored at the end of a half 🚨🚨

oh my god

the hipsters, they’re ordering double frufru mocha soy frappuccino. doesn’t anybody order a black coffee anymore

Bernie Sanders has fought for working families since Day One. He's built a movement that is taking on corporate special interests and fighting for an economy that works for everyone. I'm proud to join that movement. I'm honored to have earned his endorsement of my campaign for US Senate.

Not sold on the idea that this would shift the blame, since kind of the whole point is that when the news is bad, normal people just blame the president; what it would do is take a lot of bad things out of the news, creating the impression that the president must be handling things better now.

I don't know if Doug Jones will win, but he's one of the few potential candidates with the resources to conduct actual polling and so I hope this means that the Republicans are cooked in 2026.

Tyler Warren is so cool

Judith Beheading Holofernes, by Caravaggio, 1599

Was in the process of writing “here comes the turnover to make the score better” & voila!

Ty Simpson apology form

Spoiled Bama fan take but it’s so annoying when you know if you get up two scores the game is essentially over & they never do it!

A very classic Alabama LSU first half I see

For the smart school that was dumb

CUE WONDERWALL - Keeper on Keeper and Thomas hits the crossbar, #MNUFC are through

M! N! UFC!

a political movement pathologically committed to vice signaling

I used to think companies naming themselves cutesy misspelled words was so annoying, but now I actually appreciate it, because it’s really easy to search things like “Phreesia data breach” and “Phreesia class action lawsuit” to share with every successive medical office that tries to make me use it

it’s good that amid all the craziness of today you can rely on things, like bo nix’s bad games being a unique kind of bad, just like they were when he first enrolled at auburn in 2006

BREAKING: JUSTICE DEPARTMENT EATS A LOSS IN 'SANDWICH GUY' CASE AS JURORS FIND DEFENDANT NOT GUILTY www.nbcnews.com/politics/jus...

This is a good time to bring up the quote from former Birmingham mayor, Larry Langford:

We must breeze past Woke 2 and implement Woke 3

Wow!

Bama group chats pretty quiet tonight

every victory speech is like “to those that did not vote for me just know i will work with you” nah dawg, we are running lib shit like it’s the four verts offense. gays everywhere. trans folks on every high school field hockey team. get on board or get smoked 42-0 at halftime.

There will be many takes, and their mileage will vary, but I do think at the very least that voters seem eager for a political culture that calls bullshit bullshit and stupidity stupidity

Run the fucking ball

Bill Ackman gotta be on the third draft of a tweet longer than Middlemarch right now

Woke is back, baby

At this point, anyone—a university, a law firm, a corporation, a Democrat—bending the knee to Trump is doing it because they want to, not because of any political reality.

If any sad rich New Yorkers would like to sell me your apartment at a massive loss please DM me

i make fun of new york city a lot but if there’s one thing i trust you people to do it’s tell a phony to fuck outta here

New Yorkers love to tell people not from there how to vote, so it’s put up or shut up time bb